How Well Do You Know Yourself?

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Know thyself.” ~ Socrates

Self-awareness is the cornerstone to transformation. If you do not understand yourself, how can you change?
One easy way to increase your self-awareness is to put yourself into an observational mode by watching how you usually react to people and situations. Bring your awareness into an observational mode by paying attention to your patterns of being and questioning your thoughts and behavior. You can then assess your behavior. Distinguish if the way you are acting is in alignment with who you desire to be. Do certain people seem to upset you or cause you to feel stressed? Discover what it is that you are thinking around them. Watch yourself and you will find out what situations push you into automatic reactions. Once you can recognize these situations, the mere fact of recognizing them brings a state of higher awareness. Then you will have the power to be however you choose to be instead of driving on impulse.
You may be surprised to find that when you come from a place of reaction, you are not in alignment with how you would choose to respond if you had given the situation a moment of thought. Once you have attained this watcher awareness, you will have the power to respond to life instead of operating with your automatic default reactions. Remember your A, B, Cs of responding to life: Awareness, Breathe, Choose. Then you can choose love over fear, peace over conflict, and happiness over despair.

Lesson :

Watching how you interact in the world raises your self-awareness.
Exercise:

Practice observing yourself. Learn to shift your awareness as necessary. When you are watching yourself, you are in a state of higher awareness. In this mode of consciousness, you will be open to new types of behavior as well as increasing self-awareness.

SELF AWARENESS EXERCISE: Become aware of what you say to people, how you say it, and why you say it.

*** Are you speaking just to fill the silence?

*** Do you try to steer the conversations back to you when someone is sharing something about themselves?

*** What emotion is projected with your words? (Kindness, sarcasm, curiosity, judgement, love, etc.)

*** Are you saying things that you think the other person wants you to say?

*** If you are sharing an opinion or a fact, are you projecting that you know better than them (being condescending).

The better you know yourself, and recognizing your patterns of communication, the more power you will have to practice shifting communications toward kindness, openness, and listening more than you speak. This will help eliminate drama and build better relationships.

Don’t judge your efforts. Any amount of attention you give to this practice will enhance your ability to move into higher awareness at will. Have fun with this exercise. You will learn things you never knew about yourself, I always do.

Learning to Respond to Life in a Positive Way

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~ Buddha

Now that you have become aware of the relationship between complaining and stress, you are ready to learn how to stop complaining and learn to respond to life in a different way. Most complaints are merely reactions that we have learned and practiced over a lifetime. We were never taught how to watch our thoughts. We never knew that there was a different way of looking at life.

The difference between reacting and acting is bringing awareness to the situation. This allows you to use your free will to respond any way you choose. When you react to a situation, you are most likely repeating patterns of behavior without thought to whether your reactions are appropriate for this new situation. You are literally re-acting, or acting again, the way you have acted before. When you respond with action to a situation, you are consciously aware of what you are thinking, saying, and doing.

When a stressful situation arises, unhappy people will automatically react with negative thoughts, most of which are resisting the reality of what is. If you are unaware of your thoughts, you have no control over your reactions to life. By taking a moment to be present, you will gain awareness of your thoughts, which will give you an opportunity to choose your response instead of just reacting to the situation. You will act with awareness instead of reacting.

Let’s look at an example of the typical unhappy person reacting to a flat tire. The tire blows. Ms. Grimm starts cursing. “I can’t believe this! Now I’m going to be late! This is terrible!” After she hurriedly scrambles to find the number for roadside assistance, she calls with aggravation in her voice. She will spend the time waiting, repeating negative thoughts of nonacceptance, feeling like a victim, and possibly even calling other people to express her irritation, spreading the seeds of misery. Then she will most likely repeat the story of this event multiple times throughout the day, each time becoming upset and feeling stressed.

Now let’s see how Ms. Chipper handles the same situation: The tire blows. “Darn!” (Slow, deep breathe.) “Well, I guess I’ll call roadside assistance. There’s nothing else I can do about it.” Keeps breathing deeply and slowly as she calmly calls for assistance. Then starts to think, Boy, am I thankful that I didn’t have an accident when the tire blew! Thank God! I’ll call work and let them know I’m going to be late. And now I can call a few people that I’ve been meaning to call while I wait. She might repeat this story but will definitely tell it without negative residual emotions.

You may have had the good fortune to witness the difference between an unhappy person and a happy person in a situation. The unhappy people are always stressing themselves out and have a hard time coping when unexpected things happen. The happy people are the ones who are calm and flow with life. The flat-tire incident is a relatively big event compared to the many smaller things that pass our way in any given day. Most of the time, the events that stress people out are very small.

Let’s look at another example of unchecked thoughts, this time with something small happening. Mr. Grimm is getting ready for work. He isn’t thinking about what he is doing and spills coffee on his shirt. Cursing, he starts to rush around. As he is hurrying, he is thinking how clumsy he was for spilling the coffee and how he is going to be late. These thoughts agitate him even more. While he is driving to work he’s still thinking about being late and not really focusing on the road. Each red light he stops at aggravates him more and more, which starts him thinking about how much he hates traffic and driving. By the time Mr. Grimm gets to work, he’s in a bad mood and is grumpy to everyone he passes on the way to his desk. He has a stressful morning because everything seems to bother him. He starts to think about how much he hates his job. By afternoon, he is feeling stressed and depressed.

Sometimes a tiny event can spiral into a bad mood or even a bad day. Mr. Grimm didn’t let the emotions process quickly and in a healthy manner. So he feels irritated while trying to find another shirt, thinking about how he’s going to be late, driving faster to work, and getting more irritated at every stop light. By the time he reaches work, a small spill on his shirt has become the trigger for ruining his mood for the morning. He is unaware why he is in a bad mood. He just thinks he is having a bad day.

Now, let’s look at an example of catching your thoughts in the same situation. Mr. Chipper is getting ready for work. He isn’t thinking about what he’s doing and spills coffee on his shirt. “Oops!” (Momentary irritation. Takes a slow, deep breath) “Guess I missed my mouth! (Chuckles.) “I’ll go change my shirt.” (Feels no residual irritation about this event.) Then he starts to think, Darn, I’m going to be late now. Mr. Chipper, recognizing his reaction as a negative thought process, starts to watch his thoughts. He knows what can happen if he lets them run amok. Instead of getting upset, he thinks about having an opportunity to slow down a bit and focus on the present moment. He takes an extra three minutes to change his shirt and leaves for work. He is still focused on the moment and what he is thinking about, so as he drives to work he doesn’t rush but enjoys the twenty-minute commute, singing to the music on the radio. He focuses on driving and singing. He happily greets everyone as he enters work and has a great day.

You can see from these very simplistic examples how one thought can trigger other thoughts and create a spiral of emotion. If you can catch your negative thoughts and change them toward something different, or just release them and move on with your day, you will be taking a huge step toward improving your life. These practices take time and effort, but the more you watch your thoughts, the easier it is to see them and not let them take over your emotions.

When we react to every slight irritation all day long, the stress builds inside us. By resisting the flow of life, we condemn ourselves into a life of aggravation. It doesn’t have to be that way! You can learn to respond to life in a different way.

Here is where you can use presence. When an unexpected event pops into your day, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is exactly the amount of time it takes to let the momentary irritation pass through you and to become present. It’s okay to feel the irritation, but let it flow quickly and then let it go.

If you have enough presence, you will be able to stop your train of thought about whatever is bothering you. These few seconds will allow you to inhibit your emotional impulse and evaluate the situation. If it is something that you have no control over, then instead of complaining, (either in your thoughts or out loud) switch your perspective to one of acceptance. You might even remind yourself that it isn’t worth getting upset over the issue.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Daniel Goleman formulates the skills necessary for emotional well-being. He writes,

“Emotional intelligence consists of five skills: knowing what you’re thinking as you’re thinking it; handling your feelings so that distracting emotions don’t interfere with your ability to concentrate and learn; motivating yourself, including maintaining optimism and hope; having empathy; and social skills.”

When you can develop enough awareness to know what you are thinking, and thereby respond to life in a positive way, instead of reacting you are on your way to being an emotionally balanced person. If you can make a habit of this, you’ll notice a remarkable change in your life. As a matter of fact, if this is the only lesson you ever apply from this book, then you will have the tools to eliminate stress.

When we complain about life, people, traffic, weather, or life in general, we’re not only planting weeds in our garden, we are spreading seeds of misery into someone else’s garden. Stop aggravating yourself and everyone around you with complaints!

Lesson:

You can respond to life in a positive way. (Stop complaining.)

Exercise:
This week, make an effort to focus your attention on being present and choosing to act with awareness instead of reacting to all the little things that happen in a day. Really make an effort to stop complaining out loud. The negative thoughts will still arise in your mind, but if you have enough awareness to stop those negative thoughts from being spoken, then you are making progress. Eventually, with practice it will become easier and easier to let those negative thoughts flow through your mind before they grab your attention and irritate you.

Burning Away Your Pain

Most of us find ourselves caught up in emotional suffering from time to time.  If you feel like your in a funk, recovering from a personal loss, tragedy, or falling into a depression you can take action to alleviate the pain.  First, begin to find the small spark of joy and love within your heart.  Find what generates feelings of warmth and happiness.  Once you find your inner flame of joy, you can begin feeding the flame to make it grow stronger.  Feed the flame of inner joy with acts of compassion and service to your fellow man.  When you help others, it generates positive feelings of self worth and builds your capacity for compassion.  Another act of feeding the flame is to cultivate gratitude as much as possible.  When we focus on what we appreciate in life, we take the focus off of what we don't like.  As we begin paying more attention to the positive aspects of our lives, our heart begins to grow.  Compassion and gratitude will fill your soul with such joy, that your problems and emotional pain will take a back seat in your awareness.  As you pay less attention to your emotional pain, it will begin to fade.  Be warned:  the more attention you give to your problems and pain the stronger the negative emotional response will be.  Take control over your awareness and use it wisely.

Lesson: 

 Connect with the spark of joy 

and love within your heart.  

Then feed it with gratitude and compassion, 

allowing the flames to grow so strong

 that they burn away your pain.

Exercise:

Begin watching where you focus your awareness.  Do you focus on problems that are out of your control?  Do you often think about emotionally painful events from your past?  Do you look for what is wrong with the world or people around you, instead of what is good about them?  Retrain your awareness by tuning in to positive aspects of life.  Cultivate compassion through service and practice an attitude of gratitude and you will see amazing results in your moods.  Be kind to yourself as you progress in cultivating your awareness.  Any amount of effort will pay off with feelings of increased happiness.  

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now book

Death: The Great Adviser

In the last three months I have lost two young friends to cancer.  One was 43, the other 39.  It wasn't the tragedy of how cancer can strike anyone at any age, or the immense personal loss of those who loved them that  stuck in my mind.  I came to understand the fleeting nature of human life a long time ago.  The thoughts that keep circling in my mind are the lessons that we who are are left can pull from these seemingly random acts of early demise.  So does death have lessons to teach us?  Can death be an adviser on life?  Can pondering our own death give us valuable insight into how to live?  The answers are all a big loud, "Yes!"

Here are the questions that will drive you to fully live your life, compel you to love more, forgive everything, and really be your authentic self.

Before you die, is there anyone you need to apologize to or to forgive?   If the answer is yes, then begin the process.  To apologize or make restitution you will have to connect with the other person.  To forgive, you only need yourself, since forgiveness is a one person act of releasing the resentment in your heart.  The other person has nothing to do with your attachment to this resentment.  It is time to heal these wounds and save the relationships worth saving.  Or, let it go.

Before you die, is there something you always desired to experience?  No matter how young you are, make a bucket list.  If you don't start early, you may never get a chance to do all the things you dream of doing before you die.  If you start now, at least you will have the opportunity to cross some things off that bucket list.  

Before you die, really take the time to get to know who you are.  You are unique, fascinating, and a child of God.  Discover your innate abilities.  Perhaps it is art, music, or being a great Mom.  It might be your ability to listen to people or you unwavering passion to follow your dreams.  Each of us is different.  Find out who you are and then let your life be an accurate expression of yourself.  When we are true to ourselves, we enjoy life much more.

One of the biggest lessons that we can gain from death is the realization that we are still alive.  Because we live, we still have choices.  Once we are dead, there are no more chances to change into the person we were meant to be, there are no more chances to love more, to pay more attention to our loved ones.  But, luckily, you are here right now, with a chance to really live your life by the choices you will make today, and each day on that you are privileged enough that you wake up in the morning.  Choose to live life with peace, love, and happiness while you still can. 


So, what can you learn from death?....How to live.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now book

Do You Do This?

There once was a woman who had two sons. The first son was a farmer and the second was a brick maker. During the rainy season, she lamented and cried because the brick maker couldn’t make his bricks. During the dry season, she complained and worried that her son’s crops would dry up and burn. Every day she would be worried about one son or the other. 

One day a wise old monk came to town. The worried woman asked the wise monk how she could find peace and happiness when each day she was worried about one of her sons. The wise monk said, “On the days of rain, rejoice! For your son’s crops are being blessed with water to yield a plentiful harvest! On the days of sun, rejoice! For the heat of the sun is baking down on your son’s bricks, allowing him to be more productive in his brick-making business.” From that day forward, the woman was happy every day. (This is the retelling of an old Buddhist tale.)

Lesson 6:

What you focus on affects your level of happiness or misery. 

Exercise: 

Start to evaluate the nature of the things you talk and think about. See if you can notice when you are focusing on negative life situations or worries. When we pay too much attention to things that are upsetting, and usually out of our control, we are upsetting ourselves for no reason. This is an awareness exercise. You don’t need to change your habits of thinking at this time; just become aware that what you focus on affects your level of happiness or misery.  As time goes on, and your awareness grows, you will be able to switch your attention onto the positive aspects of life, instead of indulging your attention on upsetting things in life.  The more you stay positive, the happier you will feel.  

You Have Everything You Need

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts

 and happenings.  It consists mainly of the storm of thought

 that is forever flowing through one’s head.” 

~ Mark Twain

Is happiness something that you believe will come attached to some future event or special person? Are you postponing happiness until you have the ideal job, live in your dream home, find the perfect mate, retire, or have some other future situation? If you find yourself caught up in these thoughts, you will always be waiting for happiness to arrive, which never will, because those types of events will bring only temporary fulfillment. 

Don’t fall into the trap of delayed happiness! By repeating these types of thoughts, you convince yourself that some outside circumstance or future event will bring happiness. This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Be happy now, because that’s really all we ever experience—the present moment. The root of happiness is not connected to the circumstances in your life. 

Benjamin Franklin described it like this: “Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” If you’re not happy now, then you won’t be happy no matter what happens in the future unless you change yourself. You hold the key to your own happiness.

The only constant in life is change. Instinctively we know this, so it is only natural to dream of a future aligned with our deepest desires. There will be hopes and dreams along your journey, each one eagerly anticipated as you walk through life. Focusing on these dreams and goals is a healthier mind-set than focusing on the past, yet do not forget to also stay present as much as possible. Enjoy today. These are the good old times that you will talk about someday. Life is what’s happening while you’re waiting for the future. Experience the journey with joy and awareness, because in the end most destinations are just stepping-stones to bigger dreams.

Not only are life situations not connected to happiness, but neither are people. Other people can’t make you happy anymore than we can make other people happy. Happiness is not something that can be given to someone. Happiness is something that we can only give to ourselves.

Many people have fallen into the habit of trying to fill the emptiness, loneliness, and sadness they feel in their lives by thinking they can buy happiness. They become mindless shoppers filling the boredom of their existence with new gadgets, toys, clothes, pocketbooks, shoes, jewelry, or any other thing that fancies them at the time. They look to the excitement of attaining new things to drown the pain of unhappiness in an attempt to bring passion back into their lives. And it seems to actually work, temporarily. The high of the new purchase soon subsides, and the hollowness that they feel inside still remains, so they begin looking for the next new thing to distract them from the real issue. But in reality all they need to do is to activate the happiness within themselves that has been suppressed.

Lesson: 

You hold the key to your happiness,

 not special people, new things, 

or ideal life circumstances.

Exercise: 

Is there something that you’ve been waiting for before you will allow yourself to be happy? Contemplate what those thoughts do to you. Thoughts like that convince yourself that you can’t be happy until something happens. Begin to believe that you can be happy regardless of what the future holds. Begin to believe that you have the power be happy now. Begin to believe that you hold the key to your own happiness.

This exercise is meant to raise the awareness of your beliefs about what causes happiness. Once you can see that some of your beliefs may be based on false criteria, you will begin to believe that you have everything you need to be happy.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now book

Desire Less, Allow More

When we come from a mind-set of wants and desires, it can reinforce a lacking mentality. Constantly dwelling on your wants and desires instead of what you appreciate about your life right now causes disharmony in the mind. It is perfectly normal to dream of a future aligned with your innermost desires. As a matter of fact, it is essential to focus on dreams to manifest them. But it is when we are focused on the thoughts of dissatisfaction of today, based on the desire of the future, that our heads get filled with thoughts of lack. 

When we come from a mind-set of being open and allowing, we are readying ourselves for action in alignment with our desires without the negative effect of a lacking mentality. It is a subtle difference of wording, but it makes a huge difference. For instance, one could say, “I want to be in better physical shape.” This statement is one of desire but does not necessarily promote action, and it might create feelings of self-judgment for the shape your are in today. When reworded to say, “I am allowing myself to live a healthier lifestyle and become open to new physical activities,” the stage is set for action which will produce desired results. Another example is this: “I want to find a nice man to date” versus “I am open to allowing a nice man to come into my life.” That’s it. Desire less; be open to allowing your dreams to manifest! 

Lesson: 

By desiring less, you allow more.

Exercise: 

What are the things you typically would say you want out of life? Practice rewording those desires into statements of allowance. Write down all of your most powerful desires. Next to them, rewrite the desires into affirmations of allowing. 

Start with this desire: “I want to be happy.” Allow this: “I am allowing more joy into my life every day by keeping my focus on gratitude, acceptance, and compassion.” 

Post the new statements where you will see them often, to remind yourself to be open for your dreams to manifest. 

Life's Practical Jokes :-)

Being caught without an umbrella in an unexpected rain, 

dropping ketchup on your shirt,

children dragging mud in on the freshly washed floor,

spilling coffee in your new car,

getting splashed with mud by a passing bus...

Sometimes life sends us these reminders to lighten-up, not take ourselves so seriously, to learn to laugh instead of being upset. Think of it as a friendly reminder to shake your head and just smile. 

Learning to laugh at the little ironies that pop up from time to time is a valuable coping mechanism.  It transmutes irritation into comical relief.  You will automatically feel better about the situation as you realize that these small inconveniences are really not that important anyway.  They bring the variety of surprise to a life of over expectation.  Not everything will always go the way you plan.  It is these tiny bits of practical jokes that Life will play on us that  reminds us not to sweat the small stuff.  It puts things back into perspective:    The objects we place emotional value in are just things.  Our physical appearance is not who we are, and a clean house will always need cleaning again.  Practice finding the humor in life's tiny inconveniences and minuscule tragedies.  The next time something unexpected and slightly irritating comes your way, take one long deep breath and then just shake your head and laugh.  Be grateful for the friendly reminder to lighten up your day, and enjoy telling the story with humor to make others laugh too!

Be happy, my friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now: Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

10 Ways to Be Happier Now!

10 Quick Mood Enhancers:

SMILE. Studies have shown that the mere act of smiling actually fools the body into feeling happier. So fake it until you make it. Smile for no reason, and the smiles you get back will help to raise your spirits.

SHOWER. Water is naturally rejuvenating. It cleanses the mind and spirit as well as the body. If you are in a funk, take a long shower and you will immediately feel uplifted.

WALK. Taking a short walk will pep you up, release stress, and give you some exercise at the same time.

SING. Singing increases oxygen, clears the mind, and makes you feel good.

LAUGH. Laughter feels good, reduces stress, and brings people closer together. Learn to laugh at yourself. Watch comedies, tell silly jokes, or just start laughing all by yourself for no reason.

MEDITATE. The calming effects of meditation are well known. Even a short five-minute breathing meditation will de-stress you and lift your mood.

SERVICE. Helping others lifts the spirits of two people. Service is an act of spirituality.

DANCE. Dancing is great for stress relief, getting the blood pumping, and expressing the joy of living.

HUG SOMEONE. When we share our loving energy with others, it is reflected back at us. Feel the love. Hug someone!

STAND TALL. Did you know that the way you sit and stand can affect your mood? If you are hunched over with your head down and shoulders sagging, the chances are good that you are feeling unworthy, blue, or troubled. If you change your posture by keeping your shoulders back, head up, and back straight, you will not only start to appear more confident, you will feel it too.

For more happiness tips you can buy the book :) here:  Be Happy Now: Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

Going with the Flow

“Cling not to the withered flowers of life. Keep only the memory of their beauty in their prime." ~ LB Shannon

Learning to flow with life is an important aspect to being happy.

Each of us must learn to let go of anything, any habit, or anyone that no longer is in alignment with our innermost sense of being. Some things, situations, or people are purposeful for a time and then the cycle comes to an end. Just because it ends does not negate the meaning of what it was in its time, just as a beautiful annual flower will fade, yet the memory of the beauty is what remains. And yet, even in death, flowers leave seeds for new growth. Such is the rhythm of life. People come and people go. This moment is here, and then it is gone.

We live in a dynamic universe where nothing ever stays the same. Life is never static; it’s continually flowing with ups and downs like the ocean tides. When we fight the nature of these tides, we cause undue stress within our minds. Enjoy living in the present as it is, but don’t get too attached to it, because life will be different soon enough. By riding on top of the waves instead of being swept up in the middle of them, we have the ability to steer ourselves along the wave. Learn to flow with the waves of life by riding the extremes with awareness and acceptance, or those waves will knock you down for sure.

Besides the tides of life, there is always an overall current that pushes you along. Learn to flow with life like water in a river. When rocks appear, effortlessly flow around the obstacles without even slowing down. The only dams you will encounter are the ones you build yourself: attempting to move against the current (trying to move backwards), getting stuck in a whirlpool (repeating the same mistakes over and over), or attempting to run off course (moving away from your authentic self). These movements are unnatural and filled with resistance. If you feel like your natural flow is off track, ask yourself if you are causing this resistance by choosing not to flow with life.

Remember to flow with the unexpected and enjoy the journey. After all, detours in life are the seeds of good stories!

Lesson:

Flow with life’s tides and currents.

Exercise:

Practice flowing with the unexpected. Embrace life’s detours. Detours aren’t running off course. They are following the natural path of life, winding in unforeseen directions but still going with the flow. We can’t always see every turn coming up, but we can enjoy the journey as life takes us through a different territory.

If you are someone who feels the tides of life as they rise high and fall low, be aware that they never stay high or low. It’s just a matter of riding the tide with awareness. Don’t let the low tides draw you down with them.

When you feel caught up in a low tide of your life, repeat this affirmation: “Today I release the withered flowers of my past, looking back on only their beauty and perfection, allowing me to focus on the seeds of new growth.”

Stay aware and be patient, and your high tide will soon come.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now:  Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

buy book here: http://www.amazon.com/Be-Happy-Now-Simple-Enjoying/dp/1452548005/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

You Are the Narrator of Your Life

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Your story is what you tell yourself and others about your life. We do this all the time when we meet new people. The longer we know them, the more we fill in our life story with whole chapters and characters we have met. The key is to know that you are telling the story, so you have the power to change the viewpoint of the narration.

You are the narrator of your life. Begin watching how you talk about yourself. Your every word defines who you want the world to see and reinforces how you think of yourself. If you keep the narration focused on unlimited potential for the future, lessons from past adversity, appreciation for the people who come and go, and gratitude for life itself, you will not only enjoy life more, you will be a joy to be around. Be a light in your own life, be your own best cheerleader, and watch your life be transformed.

Is your story one of being a victim of circumstance, or is it one of triumph through adversity? Recognize that either version of the story is just a different perspective of the same past events. For example, I could tell my story from a negative point of view …

I became physically and mentally disabled in my late twenties and early thirties. I went through an emotionally crushing divorce in that same time period. My condition eventually required brain surgery when I was thirty-three. One month before the brain surgery, my eleven-year-old daughter was tragically killed in an accident because some jerk cut them off on the highway. My life has been destroyed by things out of my control. How can I ever be happy? I have to deal with disabling health issues every day, which further makes my life sad and depressing. Life sucks!

This is a Woe is me! type story of victimization.

Or I can tell my story with positive passion …

Many years ago, I went through some emotional and physical trauma. These events provided an atmosphere of deep introspection of life and were a catalyst for self-transformation. I learned that I can be happy no matter what my past was, my current life circumstances are, or whatever the future holds. I am grateful for my past, because it has given me the opportunity to grow into who I am today.

This is a Life is good! type story.

It is important to understand that both versions of the story are just different perspectives of the same past events. The past hasn’t changed; the way I look at it has changed. What I choose to emphasize has changed. This switch from a negative perspective into a positive one changed my life.

The choice in how you see and tell your story will affect your self-image and how others see you. Don’t play the victim in your life story, and you won’t feel like a victim.

Today ask yourself, “What’s my story?” If you don’t like the story, then change it. Don’t fabricate lies, just re-frame how you describe past events and who you are. If you had past adversity or tragedy, begin to speak only of the lessons you have learned. Don’t focus on the pain. Focus on how you used the experience to grow as a person or how you learned more about yourself and life. If you can’t quite tell it in a positive fashion yet, then do not tell it at all! You write your own story. Make it a happy one.

Lesson #12:

You are the narrator of your life story. Make it a happy one!

Exercises:

Take time to sit down and rewrite your life story. It may take many rewrites before you eliminate all of the negative narration that you have been accustomed to telling yourself and others. At least start with one happier, more positive version of your story. You will be able to rewrite it as often and as much as you desire. There are numerous ways to tell any story. Make yours a happy one, even if you don’t believe it yet. Until you rewrite your life story into a happy one, refrain from telling it.

Watch how you talk about yourself and what you say about your life story. Story lines to avoid are the following:

“I can’t do that.”

“I’m not good at ____”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I feel like a victim of life circumstances.”

“I feel like a victim of past events.”

“Life is difficult.”

“I’ll never be happy because ____.”

“I’ll be happy when ______.”

You get the idea. Watch what you say about yourself and your life. Argue for your limitations, and you will always be right. Tell stories of victimization, and you play the part of victim.

Begin to use story lines that cast you as the hero.

“I learned so much going through _________. I am truly grateful for the experience.”

“Going through the loss of __________ really taught me how I should never take things for granted.”

“I learned that I can grow stronger through adversity.”

“I am not afraid to follow my dreams, because I know that failure is just a step on the path and another notch in my belt of experience.”

“I know I can be happy no matter what happens in my life.”

“Life is good!”

“I chose not to see myself as a victim of past circumstances but a student of life. If I didn’t learn something, then that would be a real tragedy.”

You are the narrator and the director and can cast yourself as any part you wish in your life story.

Advanced Exercise:

Moving beyond Your Story

Who would you be without your story? When you define yourself by your life story, you are still limiting yourself. You are more than your past, no matter how delightful, painful, exciting, or dramatic it has been. You are just a character in the story, not the story itself. It can be tempting, when people ask who you are, to start telling your life story. The next time someone asks you to share about yourself, tell them your dreams, your values, and what sparks your passion. It’s not who you were yesterday that matters; it’s who you choose to be now and tomorrow.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now:  Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

Buy Book Now:   http://tinyurl.com/7nmfzpc 

A Buddhist Good Friday

Whether you are a Christian, some other faith, or even an atheist, you can use the spirit of Good Friday, one of the holiest Christian holidays, as a springboard to spiritual and/or personal transformation.  Good Friday is the day Jesus died on the cross.  At the heart of the event, it symbolizes an end of suffering which precipitates an extraordinary rise of a new beginning of life.

 Every year on Good Friday I take a hard look at myself. I take a personal inventory of any suffering that I need to release.  Some of the ways people suffer are:

*  Emotional pain that you are clinging to

*  Feelings of resentment 

*  Habits that are self destructive

*  Patterns of behavior that are not in alignment with who you are

*  Focusing too much on physical ailments

By taking a hard look at myself, I can bring awareness to the variety of ways I cause my own suffering.  With awareness, I can then let the emotions flow, and then I let them go, releasing the suffering in my heart. The Christian faith is founded upon the principle that Jesus died to release mankind of their "original" sin so that they may enjoy eternal life.  If you are plagued with internal guilt, resentment, or self destructive behavior you will suffer at your own hands.  This is a sin against yourself.  Let this day be one of reflection, moving past the darkness in your soul and moving toward a new resurrection of who you are.   

Many Blessings,

Laura Barrette Shannon

Rising from Darkness

"Adversity is like a strong wind.  It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." ~ Arthur Golden

In everyone's life, relationships will end, health may decline, and people will pass on.  We all have to deal with loss and grief eventually.  It is important to allow your emotions to flow, to allow yourself to feel any way that you feel, without judging or suppressing your emotions.  Let the emotions flow, then let them go.  The sadness will eventually pass if you process the emotions with the knowledge that this too shall pass.  

Part of being happy and enjoying life is learning to move through the low tides without getting stuck.  Some people have a tendency to cling to loss much longer than it is healthy.  There may be thoughts of what-ifs, should-have-beens, or even blame.  All of these thoughts are unhealthy and will not help you move out of the darkness.  There are others who cling to their loss like a victim.  They become attached to their pain.  They think that by letting go of emotional pain, they are dishonoring the relationship- as if by not feeling sad they are expressing to the world that their relationship wasn't that strong.  These types of thoughts can keep them in the darkness for the rest of their lives.  There is no dishonor in moving past grief and being happy again.  When we cling to grief, we dishonor our own life and our own spirit.  I realized this after my eleven year old daughter, Nicole, died in 2000.  There were times when my victim mentality would creep into my mind and tell me lies about how i should never be happy again.  I came to the decision that the best way to honor her memory was to move forward and make the best of my life.  It is then that instead of destroying my life, her death became a catalyst for personal transformation.  It is in this way that your greatest loss can be your greatest gift.  Allow yourself to move through it, instead of getting stuck in it or trying to forget it.  Remember, what seems like a tragic circumstance can be used as a lesson to move you to a higher level of awareness.

Many blessings to those of you that are going through a dark time in your life right now.  Please know that you can move through even the darkest time in your life, if you allow yourself.

Lesson:

You can move through even the darkest time in your life, if you allow yourself.

Exercise:

Ask yourself if you are emotionally stuck in the grief of a personal loss.  If you are, begin to give yourself permission to move through the grief process toward a feeling of peace.  Begin to believe that a devastating loss doesn't have to wound you forever.  Begin to believe that you deserve to be happy again.

Make a conscious choice to steer your trains of thought toward the present and the future when you find yourself focused on what you have lost.

You may find these affirmations helpful:

"It is okay to be happy again."

"I am more than my greatest loss."

"I am grateful for this opportunity to transform myself."

"What does not kill me makes me stronger, 

and compels me to connect with who I am."

"Go is always here to support and strengthen me."

You Are Perfect- Yes You!

Are you perfect?  Most of us would answer "No" to this question, being all too aware of our personal faults.  Yet, this type of self judgement, of not quite being good enough can lead to low self esteem.  When we think of an idealized self, we might imagine being someone with immense wisdom, compassion, and inner peace.  Of course most of us would fall short of this type of comparison.  But it isn't quite fair to ourselves to make this type of comparison in the first place.  Look at a baby.  They are perfect, even though they lack knowledge and understanding.  They are perfect even though they have so much more to learn.  They are perfect in the stage of growth they are in at the time.  As adults, we sometimes lose track of this inner perfection of being human.  We all have room to grow.  We all still make mistakes, fall down sometimes, and sometimes don't even understand why.  Today, believe that you are perfect just as you are, while knowing that you have the ability to grow into a new definition of perfection tomorrow.  Stop comparing yourself to others, or to your idealized self, and embrace your innate human perfection.

Accepting and loving yourself is an important part of being happy.  Ponder these thoughts the next time you are feeling down on yourself.  

Namaste-

Laura Barrette Shannon

Stop Waiting!

“The essence of life is not in

the great victories and grand failures,

but in the simple joys.”

~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Patience is allowing life to unfold in its own time. If you feel the unease of impatience, bring your attention back to the present and remind yourself that there are no ordinary moments. Every minute of every day is just as fleeting and sacred as any other. Impatience devalues the present moment, as if it’s not good enough. Become aware of this and start valuing all of your time.

Many of us have become so busy that we feel rushed and stressed throughout the day. Some of these feelings arise from the annoyance we cause ourselves by always waiting for the next activity. When you are in a mind-set of waiting, you are not present. If you are at a stop light, in a checkout line, or a doctor’s office, you are in a traditional waiting situation. By switching your state of mind to being present, you can relax and enjoy these few minutes of inactivity. In a busy day, these moments give us a much needed opportunity to take a break.

Many people have experienced the agitation of waiting while stopped at a red light. For some reason, there seems to be a lack of acceptance when it comes to traffic. Logically, we know that red lights, detours, and accidents are a normal part of traffic. Yet when faced with a couple of minutes at a red light, some people feel irritated. They spend these couple of minutes dwelling on how long the lights are, how many lights are on their route, and how the car in front of them should have gone through the yellow light so that they could have sped through the light before it changed red. Sometimes they even start to verbalize derogatory names about other drivers. In these few minutes, instead of peace and relaxation, these drivers have worked themselves up into a fit of anger.

It’s time to stop waiting and start relaxing. Use this time to take a few deep breaths, feel your body, hear the music of life, and be aware of the details around you. When you bring your attention to your physical body and the surrounding environment, you are forcing your awareness outside your head. This is an automatic tension reliever. Nothing can bother you when you are present in the moment.

Lesson:

Stop waiting and enjoy life as it is happening. Be where you are.

Exercise:

When you are in a waiting situation, give yourself a break!

Take a few deep breaths. Slowly inhale, feeling the air expand your lungs. Then feel the tension leave your body with each exhale.

Think an affirmation of gratitude for these few moments of tranquility that you are about to experience. 

This is wonderful! I am so grateful for these few minutes of peace.

Bring your attention to your surroundings. Engage your senses and be aware of sights, sounds, and smells. Get out of your head and reconnect with the world.

Start actively relaxing in situations where you would normally find yourself waiting. It’s time to reclaim these precious minutes of your day! Begin to experience the peace and serenity that you can enjoy in these same few minutes. Cultivating patience is one simple step to enjoying life.

What Trains Are You Riding?

“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Thoughts are like trains passing through your mind. You can either let the train go by, silently watching it flow through, or you can jump on the train of thought, allowing it to bring you to a destination. Some trains go to happy places: warm memories, future dreams, gratitude, present surroundings. Others go to places of misery: regret, worry, resentment, complaints. Be aware of what train you jump on. When you pay attention to trains of thought, they grow stronger and come more often. Begin to be aware of how your thoughts affect your moods. Ask yourself, “Where is this train going?” Then you can either stay on it or jump off! 

The optimal goal is not to allow ourselves to indulge in trains of thought that lead to misery and suffering. But since this takes time to master, most of us will occasionally find ourselves on a self-destructing train of thought. To maintain peace of mind, we must learn how to jump from negative trains to happy trains.

There are many ways to change your train of thought. One of the easiest is to bring your awareness back to the present moment. Use the ABCs of redirecting attention. A- Awareness B- Breathe C- Choose.  Take one or two slow, deep breaths. Pay attention to your surroundings; concentrate on feeling your body sensations, sights, sounds, and smells. When you are fully present, your mind will not be thinking about past trauma, today’s complaints, or tomorrow’s worries. You will be in the now, fully aware and free to experience life outside your head until you choose to jump onto a more pleasant train of thought. Practice being aware of what train you are riding, and jump trains as necessary. The more you practice, the easier it will be, until one day it will be second nature. The less attention you pay to the negative trains of thought, the less often they will come to mind and the quicker they will pass through, eventually not coming much at all.

Lesson:

By redirecting your attention, you have the ability to jump off negative trains of thought.

Exercise:

Practice jumping trains of thought.

When you become aware that you are riding on a negative train of thought, jump off. Practice bringing your awareness back to the present moment. Take a slow, deep breath. Engage in the sensory input around you. Stay present as long as possible. Engage in your life as it is unfolding before you. Become an active participant in your surroundings. Eventually, pick a happier train of thought to ride. Choose trains like gratitude, future dreams, or compassion.

Be patient with yourself during this training phase. It’s been a lifetime riding on the same unhappy trains over and over. It will take some time to lay new train tracks. Any amount of effort you give this exercise will pay off as it will raise your awareness and hone your ability to focus your attention at will.  

Self Awareness

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Know thyself.” ~ Socrates

Self-awareness is the cornerstone to transformation. If you do not understand yourself, how can you change?

One easy way to increase your self-awareness is to put yourself into an observational mode by watching how you usually react to people and situations. Bring your awareness into an observational mode by paying attention to your patterns of being and questioning your thoughts and behavior. You can then assess your behavior. Distinguish if the way you are acting is in alignment with who you desire to be. Do certain people seem to upset you or cause you to feel stressed? Discover what it is that you are thinking around them. Watch yourself and you will find out what situations push you into automatic reactions. Once you can recognize these situations, the mere fact of recognizing them brings a state of higher awareness. Then you will have the power to be however you choose to be instead of driving on impulse.

You may be surprised to find that when you come from a place of reaction, you are not in alignment with how you would choose to respond if you had given the situation a moment of thought. Once you have attained this watcher awareness, you will have the power to respond to life instead of operating with your automatic default reactions. Remember your ABCs of responding to life: Awareness, Breathe, Choose. Then you can choose love over fear, peace over conflict, and happiness over despair.

Lesson:

Watching how you interact in the world raises your self-awareness.

Exercise:

Practice observing yourself. Learn to shift your awareness as necessary. When you are watching yourself, you are in a state of higher awareness. In this mode of consciousness, you will be open to new types of behavior as well as increasing self-awareness.

Don’t judge your efforts. Any amount of attention you give to this practice will enhance your ability to move into higher awareness at will. Have fun with this exercise. You will learn things you never knew about yourself. 

Seeds of Discontent

When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent. When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them. When we complain, we are planting seeds of misery in our minds and spreading those seeds to other people.

Complaining will amplify your fixation on negative circumstances. If you can change what you are wishing to change, then have the courage to do it. If you choose not to, then stop complaining. If it is something beyond your control, then the complaining serves only one purpose: to aggravate yourself and others around you.

Not only is complaining a waste of time and energy, but it is detrimental to peace of mind. Whenever you complain, you are planting weeds of misery instead of seeds of happiness. You are reinforcing negative thinking with every complaint you utter. Begin to notice how you feel irritated when you complain about things. This irritation is one of the root causes of stress in your life. Stress is caused when the mind refuses to accept what is. When we are constantly dwelling on things that are out of our control, we plant seeds of discontent and anger. The events in our life do not create stress; our thoughts about these events are the seeds of discontent.

Mom was right: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Become aware of how your words affect your emotions and those who hear them. It’s not just gossip that hurts; it is any complaint or negative comments about life in general. Become aware of the power of your words. Words are powerful. They can bring people together or drive them apart. Watch your words and those around you. Begin to see the power behind them. Practice being positive and you will not only feel better yourself, you will be a light to those around you.

Lesson:

Become aware that complaining is

 a seed of discontent and unhappiness.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of what you say. Your words are a mirror of your mind. See if you can notice how much you complain and how others will complain about the littlest things. Become aware of what type of conversations you have with people. Are most of your conversations positive and uplifting, or are they mostly complaining about people or life in general? Begin to notice how you feel when you complain about things. How do you feel when others are complaining? All that is required is for you to become aware of how complaining is contributing to your level of stress.

This is an awareness exercise. Raising your awareness is the first step to complaining less. Awareness is the key to getting your emotions under control. Don’t judge yourself. Be grateful that you are becoming aware of how stress originates and that you have the power to begin living peacefully.

The Ripple Effect- It Starts with You

Like a pebble dropped into a pond

our lives affect many, today and beyond,

causing ripples with what we say

in those we touch throughout the day.

One kind word or action well done

can change the world for someone.

Our thoughts, opinions, and attitudes

are absorbed by all, influencing moods.

Never underestimate the power of words,

'cause what is said is always heard,

rippling waves through space and time,

so keep speech positive and actions kind.

"Rippling Waves' from Awakening Perception 

Today, see how many smiles you can receive in response to your own bright smile.  Watch how the world responds to you.  You do not even have to say a word to affect others.  Your expressions, the way you move, even the way you feel is emanated out from you onto others- whether you want it to or not.  How you are affects others.  When you are in a rushed or anxious state of mind, it will influence those around you.  When you are calm and have a warm expression, it will make others feel at ease.  With awareness, you will be able to monitor your moods and begin to regulate them to more neutral or positive expressions of being.  If you feel agitated, just by changing your outward expression by consciously smiling, breathing slow, and moving slower, you will begin to feel calmer.  You can be a positive influence on your own emotional body as well as be a positive force in the world.

Today's meditation is to ponder how we start ripples that affect more people than we will ever know. 

Please make your ripples something you want amplified, because they are.

What are you amplifying to the world today?

Namaste-

Laura Barrette Shannon