Desire Less, Allow More

When we come from a mind-set of wants and desires, it can reinforce a lacking mentality. Constantly dwelling on your wants and desires instead of what you appreciate about your life right now causes disharmony in the mind. It is perfectly normal to dream of a future aligned with your innermost desires. As a matter of fact, it is essential to focus on dreams to manifest them. But it is when we are focused on the thoughts of dissatisfaction of today, based on the desire of the future, that our heads get filled with thoughts of lack. 

When we come from a mind-set of being open and allowing, we are readying ourselves for action in alignment with our desires without the negative effect of a lacking mentality. It is a subtle difference of wording, but it makes a huge difference. For instance, one could say, “I want to be in better physical shape.” This statement is one of desire but does not necessarily promote action, and it might create feelings of self-judgment for the shape your are in today. When reworded to say, “I am allowing myself to live a healthier lifestyle and become open to new physical activities,” the stage is set for action which will produce desired results. Another example is this: “I want to find a nice man to date” versus “I am open to allowing a nice man to come into my life.” That’s it. Desire less; be open to allowing your dreams to manifest! 

Lesson: 

By desiring less, you allow more.

Exercise: 

What are the things you typically would say you want out of life? Practice rewording those desires into statements of allowance. Write down all of your most powerful desires. Next to them, rewrite the desires into affirmations of allowing. 

Start with this desire: “I want to be happy.” Allow this: “I am allowing more joy into my life every day by keeping my focus on gratitude, acceptance, and compassion.” 

Post the new statements where you will see them often, to remind yourself to be open for your dreams to manifest. 

Do You Always Have to Be Right?

“Confidence is not being afraid to share your opinions; Wisdom is not being attached to them.”

~ LB Shannon

It is easy to get caught up in sharing your point of view with others. It’s a natural mode of communication. I share what I think about a subject and you share your thoughts about the subject. This type of communication goes on all day long. While it can be quite pleasant to talk to someone who shares your view, it can be frustrating to talk to someone with an opposing view.

More often than not, unhappy people will hold on to their opinions to the point of arguing. They would rather be right than let it go. They have convinced themselves that if they can’t get others to agree with them, they feel that their point of view is being threatened.

Agreement from other people is not necessary. Believe what you like, and let others do the same. Overly opinionated people haven’t learned that when others have an opinion that may be different from theirs, it is the other person’s right. They also haven’t learned that it is perfectly normal for other people to have varying opinions about many aspects of life. This type of closed-minded approach to communication can result in pompous thoughts of being smarter than the other person: “Obviously they are wrong and are too stupid to see it.” These thoughts of judgment, the aggravation, the bitterness that can arise from these confrontations is all because they had to show everyone that they were right. It was more important to be right than to be happy.

So how can we interact with others who have conflicting points of view from our own without conflict arising? It starts with being flexible with our own beliefs. Listen to their opinions. Ask questions like “Why do you think that is?” or “Where did you learn that?” The second key to interacting with opposing viewpoints is to understand that it is not always necessary to share your opposing thoughts. It isn’t your job to teach everyone around you to see things like you do. It’s okay to allow them to think differently than you do.

The most noticeable instances in my life concerning differing opinions are always politics. I’ve reached a point where I no longer put my two cents in these conversations. People are entitled to see the world from varying points of view, as each of us is unique in our perspective and life experiences. By not attempting to invalidate other’s opinions, I maintain peace of mind among some very opinionated people. Sometimes I even listen and ask questions so that I can begin to understand why they see the world the way they do.

Example #1:

Joe: “I think the moon is a spaceship for Martians.”

Mark: “That’s an interesting point of view! What makes you think that?”

Joe: “My grandfather told me when I was young.”

Mark: “Your grandfather sounds like an interesting guy. What else did he teach you?”

In this example, Joe shared an unpopular point of view about the moon. Instead of attempting to dispel Joe’s belief, or belittle him for his belief, Mark chose not to challenge the point of view that the moon is a spaceship. Mark asked for more information about Joe’s belief, which showed interest and also revealed the root of Joe’s odd belief. When Mark heard that Joe’s grandfather told him that the moon was a spaceship, he steered the conversation toward the grandfather. This technique of redirecting conversations is a useful tool for avoiding heated discussions when you come across a potential conflict of opinion.

Example #2:

Jane: “I can’t believe you are still married to John after he cheated on you again!”

Mary: “It’s understandable why you would feel that way. So how’s the new job going?”

In this example, Jane shared her unsolicited opinion about Mary’s marriage. Mary, in an attempt to avoid the subject, validated Jane’s right to her opinion but neither agreed nor disagreed. Instead, she changed the subject. Mary knew that it wasn’t necessary for her to defend her personal choices. She let Jane’s comment go, not choosing to start a debate on the subject of marriage and infidelity.

It’s not necessary to validate your actions and viewpoints to others. Be confident in your life choices and beliefs, but be willing to hear different points of view.

Lesson :

It is unnecessary to defend your point of view. Allow others the right to have their own opinions.

Exercises:

Ponder these questions. Be honest with yourself.

• Do you take yourself so serious that when you meet people with a difference of opinion you feel the need to set them straight?
• Do you feel irritated or even threatened by listening to opposing points of view?
• Is it your job to teach everyone to think like you do?  

The next time someone shares an opinion or suggests an idea that is different from your own, see if you can resist the urge to share your point of view or push your own agenda. This exercise can be as simple as not being a backseat driver when someone else is driving or as challenging as listening to someone with a completely different political viewpoint.

Be aware of how it feels to rein in your ego. The uneasiness you feel is your ego fighting for control. As you practice ego awareness, it will become easier to recognize the ego’s controlling manipulations and easier to ignore it. When you can come to a point of humility, not always having to prove your opinions and allowing others to have alternate views, it brings more peace to relationships and to your own mind.

Practice being an observer or a listener without getting into debates. Make an effort to hold your tongue without putting in your two-cents point of view, even if you think they are totally wrong. This is a valuable skill that will provide much less drama in your life.

Using Prayer to Release Resentment

"Pray for those who despitefully use you." ~Mathew 5:44

The advice given here is the key to releasing any resentment in your heart that you may be holding on to. When we become attached to our emotional pain, we resist letting go of it. When we repeat thoughts of resentment, anger, or hatred in our minds we are reinforcing our attachment to the pain by justifying it to ourselves.  This causes suffering. 

By praying for those who act in unawareness, we are not only helping them with our prayers, we are helping to heal our own hearts. Remember that people do the best they can with the knowledge, beliefs, and psychological state of mind that they have at the time.  There is no need to take offense from anyone.  What people do is never personal.  It is not about you.  There is no need to carry this pain and resentment any more. You are only hurting yourself.  

Pray for those who have hurt you. Stop justifying your resentment and you won't be attached to it. Prayer will heal your heart.

Be happy my friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

Be Who You Are

“It isn’t until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are—not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within- that you can begin to take control.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

A girl asks her Grandmother, “How do you know what your purpose in life is?”

The grandmother gently takes the child by the hand and leads her toward a pond where a frog is sitting on a lily pad.

Grandmother says, “Dear little one, see this frog? Does he have to think about what his purpose is before he sits in the sun to warm himself or swims with delight with his friends? Does he think about being patient and working hard for his next meal as he awaits a passing fly?”

The girl responds, “I guess he just does those things naturally, Grandma.”

“Yes, and by following his instincts and doing what he naturally yearns to do, he is living his life’s purpose.”

You too might wonder if there is a purpose for your life. I assure you that there is. Finding that purpose is part of discovering your authentic self. The more you align yourself with who you really are, the clearer your life purpose will become. Finding yourself involves listening to your intuition and your natural instincts. If you yearn to play piano, if find yourself composing original melodies in your head, then the chances are good that your life purpose involves music. When we suppress our basic natures or our inborn talents, we are holding ourselves back from being all that we could be. When we suppress our innate yearnings of self-expression, we suppress a huge part of who we are. This can result in feelings of uselessness, low self-esteem, and depression.

Finding your life purpose involves moving beyond your childhood programming and following what feels right to you. If you are in a family of doctors and were always expected to grow up to be a doctor, this may or may not be your true purpose. Only you can answer the call of spirit, which will guide you to express your innate gifts. By allowing your innermost desires of self-expression to come out, you release yourself from being who and what everyone else thinks you should be, thus finding yourself in the process.

Not everyone’s life purpose will be an enormous influence on the world, such as Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, and Gandhi. Sometimes your life purpose is felt most on your inner circle of family and friends. But the most important result of living your life with purpose is the effect it has on you. You will feel passion and immense joy for life.  Also, by being authentic to who you are, you will inspire others to be themselves too.

Act in alignment with your heart and connect with spirit, and you will be living your life with purpose.

Lesson:

The purpose of life is to reconnect with your authentic self and then to let your life be an expression of who you are.

Exercise:

Do you act in alignment with your authentic self, your deepest desires, and your intuition? The best way to decide if you are living your life with purpose is how you feel about who you are and what you do with your time. It’s not about thinking or logically planning a life of accomplishments. Finding your self is about connecting to the still small voice of spirit in your heart. It’s about listening to your intuition and instincts. It’s about rediscovering the pieces of yourself that may have been lost or suppressed. Sit quietly and take a few deep breaths. Take a few minutes to really feel who you are. What it is that you wish to do, to experience, to express, to be like today, next week, next year?

This is the most important question you will ever answer. The answer will change over time as you continually evaluate your innermost desires. The purpose of life is to connect with your authentic self and then let your life be an expression of who you are. Once you know who you are, you can evaluate what is working in your life to achieve balance between who you are and how you live. Evaluate what is in alignment with your dream of self-expression.

Do you believe and think you are on the path to actively live out your sense of self?

Do your words and actions work for or against your authentic self?

Keep doing what works. Stop doing what doesn’t.

Find a way to act and speak in alignment with who you are and what you want to experience.

Realize your dreams of self-expression by realizing what they are, believing you can reach them, and then following the path of action in alignment that leads to them.

Be true to yourself and you will be following your life purpose.

Be who you are.

The Butterfly (1 Minute Story)

artworks-and-beads.blogspot.com

Grandmother sees her little granddaughter crying by the lake.  She says, "Why are you crying, little one?"  The little child cries, "My butterfly flew away.  I loved him so much!  I caught him in this jar, but somehow he got free."  Grandmother took the child in her arms and gave her a big hug. They embraced a minute, and then the child let go.  "How would it be if I hugged you and never let you go?"  "That's silly, Grandma!  I would be stuck to you and wouldn't be able to do anything else."  "That's right, little one.  When we cling to people and things it keeps us stuck.  When we release them, allowing them to fly as they will, it sets US free! From now on, when you see a butterfly, be reminded of this lesson:  Avoid being too attached to things and too clingly to people.  Keep your freedom, my child, and instead of crying, you will be flying!"

When we become too attached to things, it causes suffering when they are gone.  When we can come to an awareness that our attachment is the root of our suffering, we release ourselves.  This is not always easy to do, when the thing lost is an expensive object or a sentimental keepsake.  Enjoy what you have while you have it, and then release it when it's time has come to leave your life.  With the release of the attachment, it frees you.  Let us look at an example.  In 1984, I had made my black belt in Kenpo karate. I prized this achievement and had kept my black belt for many years, with the intention that I would have it forever.  Well, as most things are in life, our time together was limited.  I lost it in a move, never really knowing where it went.  At first this caused me some sadness and self judgement for not having been more careful.  But then I realized, it was releasing me from a past part of my life that had been long over, and was essentially useless, since I never will train again due to physical issues.  As a matter of fact, its presence in my life actually mad me feel a bit sad every time I looked at it, reminding me of what I had lost physically.  So by the mysterious departure of the black belt, I was free of all of it.  It felt good.  I was able to move forward emotionally.

Ask yourself:

• Have been holding onto something that causes you to feel trapped in the past.  
• Is there something you are attached to so much that you won't be able to let it go when the time comes?
• Are you too clingy to the people you love?  Hug them often, but let them go too.
• Is there something you have lost that still causes you to suffer?  It is time to move forward.  Things fall away to allow us to move forward.

Laura Barrette Shannon

Complaints Are Seeds of Misery

Life is a flower garden

your thoughts are the seeds.

You'll reap what you sow,

plant flowers not weeds.

Accept what is- 

allow life to flow!

Speak only delight

Where ever you go!

Speak no evil. When we speak ill, gossip, and pass judgment on others we only hurt ourselves. It demonstrates a lack of compassion, intolerance, and pettiness which diminishes our character.

"Be impeccable with your word."~ don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent. When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them.   When we complain, we are planting seeds of misery in our minds, and spreading those seeds to other people.  Complaining will amplify your fixation on a negative circumstance.  If you can change what it is you are wishing were different, then have the courage to do it.  If you choose not to, then stop complaining.  If it's something beyond your control, then the complaining serves only one purpose- to aggravate yourself and others around you.  

Not only is complaining a waste of time and energy, it’s detrimental to peace of mind.  Whenever you complain, you are planting weeds instead of seeds.  You are reinforcing negative thinking with every complaint you utter.  Begin to notice how you feel irritated when you complain about things.  This irritation is the root cause of stress in your life. Stress is caused when the mind refuses to accept what is.  When we are constantly dwelling on things that are out of our control, we plant seeds of discontent and anger.   The events in our life do not create our stress, our thoughts about these events are the seeds of discontent.

Mom was right, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."

Become aware of how your words affect your emotions and those who hear them. It's not just gossip that hurts, it's any complaint or negative comments about life in general. Become aware of the power of your words. Words can hurt or words can heal.

Lesson:

Complaining is a seed of discontent.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of what you say.  Your words are a mirror of your mind.  See if you can notice how much you complain, and how others will complain about the littlest things.  Become aware of what type of conversations you have with people.  Are most of your conversations positive and uplifting or are they mostly complaining about people or life in general?  Begin to notice how you feel when you complain about things. How do you feel when others are complaining? All that is required is to become aware of how complaining is contributing to your level of stress. This is an awareness exercise. Raising your awareness is the first step to complaining less. Awareness is the key to getting your emotions under control. Don't judge yourself. Be grateful that you are becoming aware of how stress originates and that you have the power to begin living peacefully. The next few chapters will teach you how to begin focusing on the positive aspects of life.

Forgiveness Is a One Person Act

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewis Smedes

Who do you need to forgive in order to release yourself from the prison of repetitive emotional pain? How long will you hold onto this pain, like a deluded victim clinging to the knife that stabs them, pretending that you aren't the one holding the knife? Forgiving is a one person act. It never has anything to do with the person we hold resentment or anger toward. It has to do with the attachment to the anger and resentment within ourselves. Release the desire to justify holding onto the emotional pain and it loses its attraction. Then you can see it for what it is, a destructive train of thought. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. It is not condoning whatever actions or words hurt you. It is making a decision not to let the event keep hurting you over and over. It is an act of self healing. By releasing the thoughts of resentment and anger we release our attachment to suffering.

Some people think that you shouldn't forgive someone unless they deserve to be forgiven.  This is not being fair to yourself. You are the one who deserves to be free of this heavy weight.  If you think you need to wait until the other person apologizes or somehow repents, you have given them the power over your suffering. Don't let others control your emotions. You are responsible for how you respond to people and events in life. You are the only one who can end this suffering. You are not doing them a favor by forgiving, you are releasing yourself from the bondage they hold over you. The act of forgiveness releases you from the repetitive thoughts of being a victim.  You may have been a victim once, but until you forgive and let those thoughts of resentment go, you will be a victim of this emotional suffering again and again. 

Once you forgive a person, it does not mean that you should allow the same situation to repeat itself.  Just because you have forgiven something does not mean it is okay to allow it to happen again. Be forgiving in nature but be wise in your decisions to interact with others by not playing a fool.  Forgiving doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship should return to what it was. Sometime it will be even better, sometimes it will change as new boundaries are set, and sometimes it completely ends. No matter how the relationship changes, the important part is that you aren't suffering with anger and resentment anymore.

The act of forgiveness may take time, so be gentle with yourself as you move toward freeing yourself from this dark prison.

Laura Barrette Shannon

Releasing Regrets

(image from the situationist.wordpress.com)

When we hold onto regrets, it hinders our ability to fully enjoy life. It creates a darkness that clouds our inner joy. To truly enjoy life we need to make peace with our past by accepting it for what it was. Release any thoughts about how the past should have been any different than it was. These types of thoughts are pointless and they only serve to disturb your peace of mind. Come to accept that whatever happened is now over now.. To think about how you wish it had been different is riding on a train of thought that leads to emotional suffering. Don't be attached to imaginary past scenarios by rewriting history in your mind. Use your imagination to focus on future dreams, not to torture yourself with thoughts of what should have been or what could have been.

For some people “what could have been” thoughts are the root of personal regret. You may look back and ponder different choices you might have made that would have resulted in different events occurring. As tempting as this negative mind candy can be, we must be aware of how destructive this way of thinking is to our peace of mind. The “could have been” scenarios reinforce the negative emotions about what actually happened. It won't help you get past the regret, it will ignite it with each thought of “if I had only done this”.

Be aware that you made choices in the past that made sense at the time according to knowledge you had and the state of mind you were in at that time.  Forgive yourself for doing the best you could.  That is all anyone ever does.  Don't let the "what ifs" take over your mind and hijack your emotions.  Accept the past for what it was and move forward.

No amount of thinking can change the past, but thinking too much about how you wish it were different will change your present into living hell of regret.

Be Happy, my Friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

What Are You Hiding?

A DOG LESSON: My dog George just had his birthday this week so I bought him a new bone. He immediately loved the bone and spent over an hour enjoying it. Then he went outside and buried it. I found it two days later and gave it back to him. He buried it again within 10 minutes. It made me wonder: He is emotionally attached to his bone so much that he was willing to forgo using it, hiding it for another day. The problem is out of sight out of mind. He will forget to ever enjoy it.
How often do we do similar things? How many of us have good towels or dishes that we never use. Perhaps it is a special outfit that you only wear once a year, jewelry that stays in the safe, or candles that are too nice to burn. What wonderful possessions are you hiding from yourself to keep them safe from the world?
Laura Barrette Shannon