Learning to Respond to Life in a Positive Way

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~ Buddha

Now that you have become aware of the relationship between complaining and stress, you are ready to learn how to stop complaining and learn to respond to life in a different way. Most complaints are merely reactions that we have learned and practiced over a lifetime. We were never taught how to watch our thoughts. We never knew that there was a different way of looking at life.

The difference between reacting and acting is bringing awareness to the situation. This allows you to use your free will to respond any way you choose. When you react to a situation, you are most likely repeating patterns of behavior without thought to whether your reactions are appropriate for this new situation. You are literally re-acting, or acting again, the way you have acted before. When you respond with action to a situation, you are consciously aware of what you are thinking, saying, and doing.

When a stressful situation arises, unhappy people will automatically react with negative thoughts, most of which are resisting the reality of what is. If you are unaware of your thoughts, you have no control over your reactions to life. By taking a moment to be present, you will gain awareness of your thoughts, which will give you an opportunity to choose your response instead of just reacting to the situation. You will act with awareness instead of reacting.

Let’s look at an example of the typical unhappy person reacting to a flat tire. The tire blows. Ms. Grimm starts cursing. “I can’t believe this! Now I’m going to be late! This is terrible!” After she hurriedly scrambles to find the number for roadside assistance, she calls with aggravation in her voice. She will spend the time waiting, repeating negative thoughts of nonacceptance, feeling like a victim, and possibly even calling other people to express her irritation, spreading the seeds of misery. Then she will most likely repeat the story of this event multiple times throughout the day, each time becoming upset and feeling stressed.

Now let’s see how Ms. Chipper handles the same situation: The tire blows. “Darn!” (Slow, deep breathe.) “Well, I guess I’ll call roadside assistance. There’s nothing else I can do about it.” Keeps breathing deeply and slowly as she calmly calls for assistance. Then starts to think, Boy, am I thankful that I didn’t have an accident when the tire blew! Thank God! I’ll call work and let them know I’m going to be late. And now I can call a few people that I’ve been meaning to call while I wait. She might repeat this story but will definitely tell it without negative residual emotions.

You may have had the good fortune to witness the difference between an unhappy person and a happy person in a situation. The unhappy people are always stressing themselves out and have a hard time coping when unexpected things happen. The happy people are the ones who are calm and flow with life. The flat-tire incident is a relatively big event compared to the many smaller things that pass our way in any given day. Most of the time, the events that stress people out are very small.

Let’s look at another example of unchecked thoughts, this time with something small happening. Mr. Grimm is getting ready for work. He isn’t thinking about what he is doing and spills coffee on his shirt. Cursing, he starts to rush around. As he is hurrying, he is thinking how clumsy he was for spilling the coffee and how he is going to be late. These thoughts agitate him even more. While he is driving to work he’s still thinking about being late and not really focusing on the road. Each red light he stops at aggravates him more and more, which starts him thinking about how much he hates traffic and driving. By the time Mr. Grimm gets to work, he’s in a bad mood and is grumpy to everyone he passes on the way to his desk. He has a stressful morning because everything seems to bother him. He starts to think about how much he hates his job. By afternoon, he is feeling stressed and depressed.

Sometimes a tiny event can spiral into a bad mood or even a bad day. Mr. Grimm didn’t let the emotions process quickly and in a healthy manner. So he feels irritated while trying to find another shirt, thinking about how he’s going to be late, driving faster to work, and getting more irritated at every stop light. By the time he reaches work, a small spill on his shirt has become the trigger for ruining his mood for the morning. He is unaware why he is in a bad mood. He just thinks he is having a bad day.

Now, let’s look at an example of catching your thoughts in the same situation. Mr. Chipper is getting ready for work. He isn’t thinking about what he’s doing and spills coffee on his shirt. “Oops!” (Momentary irritation. Takes a slow, deep breath) “Guess I missed my mouth! (Chuckles.) “I’ll go change my shirt.” (Feels no residual irritation about this event.) Then he starts to think, Darn, I’m going to be late now. Mr. Chipper, recognizing his reaction as a negative thought process, starts to watch his thoughts. He knows what can happen if he lets them run amok. Instead of getting upset, he thinks about having an opportunity to slow down a bit and focus on the present moment. He takes an extra three minutes to change his shirt and leaves for work. He is still focused on the moment and what he is thinking about, so as he drives to work he doesn’t rush but enjoys the twenty-minute commute, singing to the music on the radio. He focuses on driving and singing. He happily greets everyone as he enters work and has a great day.

You can see from these very simplistic examples how one thought can trigger other thoughts and create a spiral of emotion. If you can catch your negative thoughts and change them toward something different, or just release them and move on with your day, you will be taking a huge step toward improving your life. These practices take time and effort, but the more you watch your thoughts, the easier it is to see them and not let them take over your emotions.

When we react to every slight irritation all day long, the stress builds inside us. By resisting the flow of life, we condemn ourselves into a life of aggravation. It doesn’t have to be that way! You can learn to respond to life in a different way.

Here is where you can use presence. When an unexpected event pops into your day, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is exactly the amount of time it takes to let the momentary irritation pass through you and to become present. It’s okay to feel the irritation, but let it flow quickly and then let it go.

If you have enough presence, you will be able to stop your train of thought about whatever is bothering you. These few seconds will allow you to inhibit your emotional impulse and evaluate the situation. If it is something that you have no control over, then instead of complaining, (either in your thoughts or out loud) switch your perspective to one of acceptance. You might even remind yourself that it isn’t worth getting upset over the issue.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Daniel Goleman formulates the skills necessary for emotional well-being. He writes,

“Emotional intelligence consists of five skills: knowing what you’re thinking as you’re thinking it; handling your feelings so that distracting emotions don’t interfere with your ability to concentrate and learn; motivating yourself, including maintaining optimism and hope; having empathy; and social skills.”

When you can develop enough awareness to know what you are thinking, and thereby respond to life in a positive way, instead of reacting you are on your way to being an emotionally balanced person. If you can make a habit of this, you’ll notice a remarkable change in your life. As a matter of fact, if this is the only lesson you ever apply from this book, then you will have the tools to eliminate stress.

When we complain about life, people, traffic, weather, or life in general, we’re not only planting weeds in our garden, we are spreading seeds of misery into someone else’s garden. Stop aggravating yourself and everyone around you with complaints!

Lesson:

You can respond to life in a positive way. (Stop complaining.)

Exercise:
This week, make an effort to focus your attention on being present and choosing to act with awareness instead of reacting to all the little things that happen in a day. Really make an effort to stop complaining out loud. The negative thoughts will still arise in your mind, but if you have enough awareness to stop those negative thoughts from being spoken, then you are making progress. Eventually, with practice it will become easier and easier to let those negative thoughts flow through your mind before they grab your attention and irritate you.

You Have Everything You Need

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts

 and happenings.  It consists mainly of the storm of thought

 that is forever flowing through one’s head.” 

~ Mark Twain

Is happiness something that you believe will come attached to some future event or special person? Are you postponing happiness until you have the ideal job, live in your dream home, find the perfect mate, retire, or have some other future situation? If you find yourself caught up in these thoughts, you will always be waiting for happiness to arrive, which never will, because those types of events will bring only temporary fulfillment. 

Don’t fall into the trap of delayed happiness! By repeating these types of thoughts, you convince yourself that some outside circumstance or future event will bring happiness. This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Be happy now, because that’s really all we ever experience—the present moment. The root of happiness is not connected to the circumstances in your life. 

Benjamin Franklin described it like this: “Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” If you’re not happy now, then you won’t be happy no matter what happens in the future unless you change yourself. You hold the key to your own happiness.

The only constant in life is change. Instinctively we know this, so it is only natural to dream of a future aligned with our deepest desires. There will be hopes and dreams along your journey, each one eagerly anticipated as you walk through life. Focusing on these dreams and goals is a healthier mind-set than focusing on the past, yet do not forget to also stay present as much as possible. Enjoy today. These are the good old times that you will talk about someday. Life is what’s happening while you’re waiting for the future. Experience the journey with joy and awareness, because in the end most destinations are just stepping-stones to bigger dreams.

Not only are life situations not connected to happiness, but neither are people. Other people can’t make you happy anymore than we can make other people happy. Happiness is not something that can be given to someone. Happiness is something that we can only give to ourselves.

Many people have fallen into the habit of trying to fill the emptiness, loneliness, and sadness they feel in their lives by thinking they can buy happiness. They become mindless shoppers filling the boredom of their existence with new gadgets, toys, clothes, pocketbooks, shoes, jewelry, or any other thing that fancies them at the time. They look to the excitement of attaining new things to drown the pain of unhappiness in an attempt to bring passion back into their lives. And it seems to actually work, temporarily. The high of the new purchase soon subsides, and the hollowness that they feel inside still remains, so they begin looking for the next new thing to distract them from the real issue. But in reality all they need to do is to activate the happiness within themselves that has been suppressed.

Lesson: 

You hold the key to your happiness,

 not special people, new things, 

or ideal life circumstances.

Exercise: 

Is there something that you’ve been waiting for before you will allow yourself to be happy? Contemplate what those thoughts do to you. Thoughts like that convince yourself that you can’t be happy until something happens. Begin to believe that you can be happy regardless of what the future holds. Begin to believe that you have the power be happy now. Begin to believe that you hold the key to your own happiness.

This exercise is meant to raise the awareness of your beliefs about what causes happiness. Once you can see that some of your beliefs may be based on false criteria, you will begin to believe that you have everything you need to be happy.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now book

A Full Moon Ceremony

In honor of the super full moon tonight I am sharing a simple ceremony that we do at my house every month.

What is the purpose of spiritual ceremonies and prayers? Are they just meaningless gestures and words, repeated without thought? Do they serve a purpose for those who have left behind the traditional organized religions in favor of a more spiritual one -on -one relationship with God or the Universal Life Energy?

In order to understand the importance that rituals, ceremonies, and prayers play in our spiritual growth it is important to understand the benefits of practicing them in the proper way. If you are not practicing them with emotional energy then they are just words and movements. So a simple background in energy is necessary first:

The Universe is made up of energy. Every physical thing is energy, condensed and formed into everything we see in this world. Beyond what our limited human senses can perceive, the energy of the Universe permeates and interconnects everything. Whenever you feel an emotion it is emitted out as energy from you. This emotional energy forms connections to other energy beings (humans, animals, etc) Think of them as strings. The more emotions you have for someone, the more energetic strings of attachment you have connecting you to each other.

The Universal Life Energy, or all the energy of this Universe combined is what most people call God. The bigger the energy system, the more consciousness it has. God is made up of everything, so it is the Alpha and Omega, omnipotent, and omnipresent~ the beginning and the end, knowing all things and everywhere at the same time.

Now, let's go back to the importance of ceremonies and prayers. Basically, ritualistic words and actions help us to focus on our intent and to elicit an emotional response in alignment with our intent. Intent without emotion is powerless. Prayers without emotion are just words, and ceremonies without emotion are just gestures. The feelings behind the rituals are what drives the results. Think of the prayers as vehicles and emotions as gas. The vehicle has the potential to get you where you want to go, your intent is the destination, but without gas it is just a plan that never gets put into action.

The proper use of ceremonies, then, is to help us to engage our attention and focus on our intent, and to aid us in evoking the emotional energy to drive the intent to fruition. I have found that designing my own prayers and rituals has brought them more personal meaning and enabled me to really get into the mood. The following is a full moon ceremony that I perform with friends every month. Feel free to customize it as you make it your own.

Full Moon Ceremony

RELEASE: The first part is lighting a small outdoor fire at sunset. This ritual involves releasing anything that no longer serves you, emotionally or physically. Some examples would be releasing resentments, anger, emotional pain, unhealthy habits, etc. Each person holds a stick and concentrates on what they wish to release, imagining all the negative emotions and actions going into the stick. Then the sticks are thrown into the fire. As the stick burns, each person brings up as much feeling as possible evoking the emotional release of whatever was ailing them. The feeling of being free of this negative emotion is what is required. It is an act of letting go of the pain and filling the hole with the loving energy of wholeness.

RESPECTS: Then we take time to pay our respects those who have passed, honor the Universal Energy Force for feeling our prayers, and sending white light loving energy out into those we love and then extend out into the world. You can use a prayer something like this:

Oh God, we thank you, and feel gratitude in our hearts for this opportunity to experience this life. (Silent moments of intense loving emotion sent to God)
So let it be...
We send our loving thoughts and loving energy to those who have passed from our lives, and our gratitude for our time spent with them. (Silent moments of intense loving emotion sent to them)
So let it be...
Tonight, specifically, I would like to concentrate and send love to ______. I honor their past presence in my life and am grateful for the experience. (Silent moments of intense loving emotion toward this person.)
So let it be....
Let our loving energy extend out into the world. (Silent moments of intense loving emotion sent to the world.)

REFLECTIONS: Then we take a few minutes to watch the full moon and reflect on our past or present, to find life lessons, and to come to a feeling of gratitude for all that we have experienced. It is advisable to be very specific in this exercise, as trying to reflect on too much may dull the intensity of the emotion.

Suggestions to contemplate:

• your childhood relationship with your Mother, Father, or a sibling.
• Your relationship with an ex-love
• your current relationship with one specific person.
• How a specific event affected you and the lessons you can now see because you experienced it
• A current situation of concern- forming an intent of a loving outcome for all.

REAFFIRMING INTENT: Then we each light an incense stick, while silently repeating our intent for the future. Again it is advisable to work on a specific intent to evoke the intensity of emotion. Think of the end result of your intent. Imagine you are living there now, and how it feels to be living this past dream. Imagine it like you remembering it as strong as a vivid memory. Feel the emotion of your creation as long as possible. As the smoke rises from the incense stick, let it be a representation of your emotional intent rising up to fruition. So let it be...

GRATITUDE: Simple prayer: God we are grateful for Life, Love, and this opportunity to come together as a group and commune with Universal Life and each other. (A few moments of intense feeling and silence) Amen

Then we have group discussion and enjoy each others company.

Be happy, my friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now: Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

Rising from Darkness

"Adversity is like a strong wind.  It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." ~ Arthur Golden

In everyone's life, relationships will end, health may decline, and people will pass on.  We all have to deal with loss and grief eventually.  It is important to allow your emotions to flow, to allow yourself to feel any way that you feel, without judging or suppressing your emotions.  Let the emotions flow, then let them go.  The sadness will eventually pass if you process the emotions with the knowledge that this too shall pass.  

Part of being happy and enjoying life is learning to move through the low tides without getting stuck.  Some people have a tendency to cling to loss much longer than it is healthy.  There may be thoughts of what-ifs, should-have-beens, or even blame.  All of these thoughts are unhealthy and will not help you move out of the darkness.  There are others who cling to their loss like a victim.  They become attached to their pain.  They think that by letting go of emotional pain, they are dishonoring the relationship- as if by not feeling sad they are expressing to the world that their relationship wasn't that strong.  These types of thoughts can keep them in the darkness for the rest of their lives.  There is no dishonor in moving past grief and being happy again.  When we cling to grief, we dishonor our own life and our own spirit.  I realized this after my eleven year old daughter, Nicole, died in 2000.  There were times when my victim mentality would creep into my mind and tell me lies about how i should never be happy again.  I came to the decision that the best way to honor her memory was to move forward and make the best of my life.  It is then that instead of destroying my life, her death became a catalyst for personal transformation.  It is in this way that your greatest loss can be your greatest gift.  Allow yourself to move through it, instead of getting stuck in it or trying to forget it.  Remember, what seems like a tragic circumstance can be used as a lesson to move you to a higher level of awareness.

Many blessings to those of you that are going through a dark time in your life right now.  Please know that you can move through even the darkest time in your life, if you allow yourself.

Lesson:

You can move through even the darkest time in your life, if you allow yourself.

Exercise:

Ask yourself if you are emotionally stuck in the grief of a personal loss.  If you are, begin to give yourself permission to move through the grief process toward a feeling of peace.  Begin to believe that a devastating loss doesn't have to wound you forever.  Begin to believe that you deserve to be happy again.

Make a conscious choice to steer your trains of thought toward the present and the future when you find yourself focused on what you have lost.

You may find these affirmations helpful:

"It is okay to be happy again."

"I am more than my greatest loss."

"I am grateful for this opportunity to transform myself."

"What does not kill me makes me stronger, 

and compels me to connect with who I am."

"Go is always here to support and strengthen me."

Using Prayer to Release Resentment

"Pray for those who despitefully use you." ~Mathew 5:44

The advice given here is the key to releasing any resentment in your heart that you may be holding on to. When we become attached to our emotional pain, we resist letting go of it. When we repeat thoughts of resentment, anger, or hatred in our minds we are reinforcing our attachment to the pain by justifying it to ourselves.  This causes suffering. 

By praying for those who act in unawareness, we are not only helping them with our prayers, we are helping to heal our own hearts. Remember that people do the best they can with the knowledge, beliefs, and psychological state of mind that they have at the time.  There is no need to take offense from anyone.  What people do is never personal.  It is not about you.  There is no need to carry this pain and resentment any more. You are only hurting yourself.  

Pray for those who have hurt you. Stop justifying your resentment and you won't be attached to it. Prayer will heal your heart.

Be happy my friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

See the Perfection in Imperfection

Do you need everything to be perfect before you can relax? Do you feel anxious if your life isn't planned out perfectly, if your day takes an unexpected shift, or if things don't go the way you expect? The desire for perfection can drive you to do extraordinary things, but an obsessive attitude can drive yourself crazy. If this is an issue for you, by bringing self-awareness to your perfection tendencies you will have the power to get those thoughts under control. Remember that moderation is the key to peace of mind. Learn to see the beauty in imperfection and you will be able to relax and enjoy life without trying to make it perfect.

Be Who You Are

“It isn’t until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are—not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within- that you can begin to take control.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

A girl asks her Grandmother, “How do you know what your purpose in life is?”

The grandmother gently takes the child by the hand and leads her toward a pond where a frog is sitting on a lily pad.

Grandmother says, “Dear little one, see this frog? Does he have to think about what his purpose is before he sits in the sun to warm himself or swims with delight with his friends? Does he think about being patient and working hard for his next meal as he awaits a passing fly?”

The girl responds, “I guess he just does those things naturally, Grandma.”

“Yes, and by following his instincts and doing what he naturally yearns to do, he is living his life’s purpose.”

You too might wonder if there is a purpose for your life. I assure you that there is. Finding that purpose is part of discovering your authentic self. The more you align yourself with who you really are, the clearer your life purpose will become. Finding yourself involves listening to your intuition and your natural instincts. If you yearn to play piano, if find yourself composing original melodies in your head, then the chances are good that your life purpose involves music. When we suppress our basic natures or our inborn talents, we are holding ourselves back from being all that we could be. When we suppress our innate yearnings of self-expression, we suppress a huge part of who we are. This can result in feelings of uselessness, low self-esteem, and depression.

Finding your life purpose involves moving beyond your childhood programming and following what feels right to you. If you are in a family of doctors and were always expected to grow up to be a doctor, this may or may not be your true purpose. Only you can answer the call of spirit, which will guide you to express your innate gifts. By allowing your innermost desires of self-expression to come out, you release yourself from being who and what everyone else thinks you should be, thus finding yourself in the process.

Not everyone’s life purpose will be an enormous influence on the world, such as Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, and Gandhi. Sometimes your life purpose is felt most on your inner circle of family and friends. But the most important result of living your life with purpose is the effect it has on you. You will feel passion and immense joy for life.  Also, by being authentic to who you are, you will inspire others to be themselves too.

Act in alignment with your heart and connect with spirit, and you will be living your life with purpose.

Lesson:

The purpose of life is to reconnect with your authentic self and then to let your life be an expression of who you are.

Exercise:

Do you act in alignment with your authentic self, your deepest desires, and your intuition? The best way to decide if you are living your life with purpose is how you feel about who you are and what you do with your time. It’s not about thinking or logically planning a life of accomplishments. Finding your self is about connecting to the still small voice of spirit in your heart. It’s about listening to your intuition and instincts. It’s about rediscovering the pieces of yourself that may have been lost or suppressed. Sit quietly and take a few deep breaths. Take a few minutes to really feel who you are. What it is that you wish to do, to experience, to express, to be like today, next week, next year?

This is the most important question you will ever answer. The answer will change over time as you continually evaluate your innermost desires. The purpose of life is to connect with your authentic self and then let your life be an expression of who you are. Once you know who you are, you can evaluate what is working in your life to achieve balance between who you are and how you live. Evaluate what is in alignment with your dream of self-expression.

Do you believe and think you are on the path to actively live out your sense of self?

Do your words and actions work for or against your authentic self?

Keep doing what works. Stop doing what doesn’t.

Find a way to act and speak in alignment with who you are and what you want to experience.

Realize your dreams of self-expression by realizing what they are, believing you can reach them, and then following the path of action in alignment that leads to them.

Be true to yourself and you will be following your life purpose.

Be who you are.

Do You Victimize Yourself?

“What poison is to food, self pity is to life.”~ Oliver C. Wilson

“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” ~ Helen Keller

What does it mean to victimize yourself? And why would anyone in his or her right mind do such a thing? Unfortunately, people do it all the time and don’t even know they are doing it.

When you experience a negative event in your life, it can be very tempting to dwell on it in your thoughts or tell the story over and over days, months, and even many years later. Each time you do this, you are emotionally right back in the situation. Maybe it was someone who physically hurt you, a tragedy, or emotional pain from the past that you tend to revisit time and again. When you rehash old wounds by telling the story over and over, you reopen them, causing emotional pain. Humans are the only animals on earth that allow themselves to repetitively suffer over and over by the same event. By focusing on when you felt victimized, you are playing the role of the victim once again. This is emotional abuse that you inflict on yourself.

The first time you may be a victim, but the second time you are a volunteer. This is often said about physical abuse when referring to the people who return to harmful situations again and again. When we play the victim, by repeating stories of our perceived victimization we are reinforcing a victim attitude in ourselves. Being a victim will convince you that you are powerless, that life is beyond your control. This is not true. You are only a victim if you believe that you are. You cannot always choose what happens to you in life, but you can choose how to respond to life. Do not play a victim. Take your power back.

If you find yourself caught up in self-pity, immediately bring your awareness back to the present moment. Focus your attention on your physical sensations. Take a deep breath. Actively switch your attention away from thoughts of the past. If you have been in a habit of dwelling on past negative situations, you have not made peace with those situations or the people involved. Until you resolve the issues, they will continue to haunt you. The first step is to stop repetitively verbalizing your past pain to other people.

How do you make peace with your past? It all starts with intent. Begin with the intent that you can and will be able to live a happy life even though some things happened in the past that you wish did not happen. There are many processes for accepting the past and letting the emotions finally flow through you and leave. One of the best I’ve used is journaling. You can get it all out on paper. Write the things that you might never say to anyone else. Then burn it.

Another method is to tell it to God. Pray for peace of mind and the strength to let it go. Or tell it to your dog, cat, plant, or a candle. Get it all out one final time. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, cry, yell, jump up and down, and release the anger, pain, and sadness. Allow the emotions to fully emerge and to finally release themselves from your mind and body.

Then, let it go. Repeat it no more. If it comes across your mind, immediately switch your train of thought and don’t ride that train. Eventually the train will come by less and less, and eventually it won’t even pass by. By focusing less on the past pain, you will be taking its emotional fuel away. This will allow you to recover enough personal power to work on acceptance and forgiveness as time goes on.

Watch what you say about yourself. When you repeat stories of being a victim, express self-pity, or talk down about yourself, you are giving away your personal power and playing the role of the unworthy victim again and again. Remember lesson #12: You are the narrator of your life story.

Be aware of how you talk about yourself. Words can either be empowering or victimizing.

Exercise:

Become aware of how you feel when you repeat stories of victimization. Avoid retelling any story that makes you feel upset or weak. Also, avoid encouraging others to tell their stories of victimization. Avoid saying self-effacing comments, such as, “I’m not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough.” Don’t victimize yourself!

If there are issues that are emotionally unresolved, please take whatever action is necessary to release the resentment and anger. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help, such as a counselor, a psychologist, group counseling, or spiritual guidance. It is time to resolve any issues that make you feel like a victim so you can move forward into a life of joy and peace.

The Butterfly (1 Minute Story)

artworks-and-beads.blogspot.com

Grandmother sees her little granddaughter crying by the lake.  She says, "Why are you crying, little one?"  The little child cries, "My butterfly flew away.  I loved him so much!  I caught him in this jar, but somehow he got free."  Grandmother took the child in her arms and gave her a big hug. They embraced a minute, and then the child let go.  "How would it be if I hugged you and never let you go?"  "That's silly, Grandma!  I would be stuck to you and wouldn't be able to do anything else."  "That's right, little one.  When we cling to people and things it keeps us stuck.  When we release them, allowing them to fly as they will, it sets US free! From now on, when you see a butterfly, be reminded of this lesson:  Avoid being too attached to things and too clingly to people.  Keep your freedom, my child, and instead of crying, you will be flying!"

When we become too attached to things, it causes suffering when they are gone.  When we can come to an awareness that our attachment is the root of our suffering, we release ourselves.  This is not always easy to do, when the thing lost is an expensive object or a sentimental keepsake.  Enjoy what you have while you have it, and then release it when it's time has come to leave your life.  With the release of the attachment, it frees you.  Let us look at an example.  In 1984, I had made my black belt in Kenpo karate. I prized this achievement and had kept my black belt for many years, with the intention that I would have it forever.  Well, as most things are in life, our time together was limited.  I lost it in a move, never really knowing where it went.  At first this caused me some sadness and self judgement for not having been more careful.  But then I realized, it was releasing me from a past part of my life that had been long over, and was essentially useless, since I never will train again due to physical issues.  As a matter of fact, its presence in my life actually mad me feel a bit sad every time I looked at it, reminding me of what I had lost physically.  So by the mysterious departure of the black belt, I was free of all of it.  It felt good.  I was able to move forward emotionally.

Ask yourself:

• Have been holding onto something that causes you to feel trapped in the past.  
• Is there something you are attached to so much that you won't be able to let it go when the time comes?
• Are you too clingy to the people you love?  Hug them often, but let them go too.
• Is there something you have lost that still causes you to suffer?  It is time to move forward.  Things fall away to allow us to move forward.

Laura Barrette Shannon

What's Your Input?

(image leggnet.com)

Honestly evaluate what you feed your mind everyday.  Every source of input you allow into your mind will become a seed of thought.  That is how advertising works. They bombard you with the same ads over and over until you are brain washed into buying their product.  Life in general is the same way, filled with sensory input, which when focused on over and over will sway your thoughts which in turn affects your moods.  What you choose to pay attention to feeds your mind.  If you are feeding it an over abundance of pointless drama (reality TV), negativity (gossip), and meaningless distractions (video games) then the result will be a life of drama, negativity, and meaninglessness.  

Be aware that what you watch on TV, what you spend your time talking about, and what types of posts you allow in your Facebook news feed, will have an overall effect on your mental state of mind. If you watch horror TV (too much news, shows with violence) you are filling your mind with images and drama that may come back to haunt you with unhappy trains of thought. If you get involved with gossipy conversations, those drama filled thoughts will be circling around in your head, urging you to share the gossip with others. If your Facebook news feed is filled with people who post negative content on a regular basis, such as complaining about life or other people, this will disturb your peace of mind. 

It is easier to regulate what you are feeding your mind, than to eliminate the unhappy or disturbing thoughts once they have been put in there.

You are in control of what you feed your mind. If you want to be happier and enjoy a life of meaning then begin feeding your spirit with more uplifting input.  Forget reality TV and come back to your own reality.  Take time to see and hear your natural environment.  Pay attention to the people in the room with you. Turn off the TV and computer, make plans with people you enjoy being around, laugh until it hurts your cheeks, and make some happy memories. Start on a diet of positivity and you will see amazing results.

So, what's your input?

What Is Real

(Original art "Breathe" by Laura Crescio
Acrylic on canvas board)

In this world of chaotic change

 I Am at peace. 

Breath of tranquility 

Calms my restless mind.

  Just being Present

 Blocks emotional turmoil,

Reminding me  What is Real.


"What Is Real" from Awakening Perception

The painting above was created by a woman in a Federal Prison Camp in Greenville, Illinois.  Laura Crescio may be surrounded by physical walls, but her mind is free.  The inner expression of life comes out in artistic expression, allowing moments of total clarity and peace.  The painting is aptly named "Breathe", as it is the breath of life which connects us to life.

We must remind ourselves that we always have the ability to reconnect with what is real.  What is real is the life within us, and around us.  The chaos we may feel arises when we are disconnected from ourselves.  We become caught up in our thoughts, stuck inside our heads, not paying attention to our surroundings or our sense of living.  

Take a few minutes to feel the life within you.  Breath deeply and slowly as you inhale the energy of life, and exhale yourself into the world.  You are interconnected with this life force all the time.  We need only take the time to pay attention to it and reap the rewards of coming home to what is real.

Breathe, and be Happy my friends!

Laura Barrette Shannon

Who Do You Choose to Be?

I am now whom I choose to be,

Consciously guiding my destiny.

I once blamed fate for losing my way,

But, actions past formed me today.

I was asleep- slumbering life;

Dreaming daily; Seeding strife.

Now, I pick, plan persist,

Intending to be whom I insist.

Dueling demons; Fighting fear,

Actions my weapons; Thoughts my seer.

I will endure until the end,

Minding each moment that I spend,

Knowing that I'm forever free,

Being now whom I choose to be.

 Choose to Be from "Awakening Perception", 2006 

When we blame other people for our problems and personal issues we become a puppet of life. To be completely free and at peace with yourself and the world, you have to stop pointing the finger away from yourself for being who you are, and the way you act.

Unhappy people tend to blame their parents, boss, past traumas, ex-spouse, or even God for their problems. They prefer to play the victim with "Woe is me" stories, rather than look at their own actions and life choices.  Unhappy people say things like, “I'm this way because of _____.” They place the responsibility of why they are the way they are on other people and situations instead of taking the responsibility themselves. By acting like a puppet of life they release any responsibility of why they act the way they do, and believe that they have no control in who they are. As long as they play the part of the puppet, they are right: They have no control and very little personal power.

To be truly happy, you must take charge of life by accepting that who and what you are today is a direct result of all of the thoughts and actions that you have made in the past, not because of someone else, or something outside of yourself. Everyone has the power to choose to be any way they wish to be. Don't be a victim of life! Once one accepts responsibility for their own life, true change occurs.

  

When I realized that I, alone, was responsible for how I interact with others and respond to life events, it gave me the power to make different choices.  I was no longer a victim of life.  I began to choose to look deeper into myself and to take a hard look at how I interacted in the world.  I discovered my habits based in fear were not working to create the life I desired.  I learned to face my fears and to focus on love, joy, and life's beauty.  In doing so, I chose to be a happy free spirit.  Reclaim your personal power by taking full responsibility for who you are and how you interact with the world. Take responsibility for your life. Cut those puppet strings!

Lesson :

We are responsible for our interactions with people, and our responses to situations in life.

Exercise:

Do you blame others or past situations for your unhappiness? When you blame others it takes the responsibility and control of life away from you. Take your life back. You have full control over who you are and how you choose to be now and in the future. Stop being a victim and take responsibility for yourself. Take control of the wheel and start steering your life in the direction you choose. Take time to really contemplate how much blame vs self responsibility you practice in your life. Be honest with yourself. If you find an issue where you still feel like a victim, repeat these affirmations:

“I am fully responsible for how I interact with others.”

“I am fully responsible for my responses to life situations.”

“I am fully responsible for who I choose to be from this day forward.”

You Never Have to Do Anything

Do you feel that there isn't enough free time in the day to do everything you'd like to do? Realize that everything you do is exactly what you have chosen to do, and therefore you should do it with all your heart. There is no "free" time, just time. You can either spend it in joyful awareness, or spend it wishing you were doing something else, building feelings of resentment. It's a matter of committing yourself to whatever you are doing at the time. Either do it with joy, or don't do it.

I used to resent doing housework, especially washing the floors.  Then I realized that I choose to do it, no one is forcing me to wash floors.  I choose it because I want clean floors.  Why should I resent doing something that I choose to do? Now I put the radio on and practice singing while washing.  It becomes a joyful chore.

I often hear people complain about having to take care of their parents, grandparents or children's needs.  "I have to take Johnny to karate and then help him with homework, I have no time for myself."  Well, actually, the time you have with Joey in the car is time for building your relationship.  The time you are waiting for his karate lesson is time you could be reading, meditating, or catching up on phone calls.  The time you are helping with homework, you are fostering a better understanding of your child and nurturing his academic growth.  What part of these examples is wasted time?  All of it, if you are doing it with resentment in your heart.   

Lesson:

You never have to do anything. What you do with your time is your choice.

Exercise:

Be free to experience your time with awareness and joy.  Don't be a victim of your ego mind telling you that you could be doing something else instead.  These types of thoughts create unease and stress. Realize that you are free to spend your time however you choose.  Time is always free, are you?

How Compassionate Are You?

Do you have compassion? Compassion is when we open our hearts to empathize and extend love to others. It may be easy to have compassion on those who you see as suffering from life events or forces outside of themselves, but can you offer compassion for those who are victims of their own poor choices. Can you have compassion for the homeless crack addict as well as the baby born with health issues? Can you come to a place of compassion for those who are stuck in unawareness, suffering in a living hell of their own doing? If you can have compassion on all who suffer, regardless of the cause of suffering, then this is unconditional compassion.

Unconditional compassion is non judgmental. It comes from a fully open heart. The more open your heart is, the more love you will be able to give and the more love you will be able to feel. A heart with conditional compassion is limited in its ability to fully feel love. The heart becomes blocked. The blockages in a heart are a result of the ego mind pushing for separation from others and spirit. The ego has to justify its existence through thoughts of self righteousness and a “I'm better than you” attitude. These type of trains of thought lead to justification of conditional compassion, which in turn limits our expression of love.

Practice feeling compassion towards those you normally judge as “losers”. The reality is they are suffering because they have lost themselves. Thoughts of judgment only serve to irritate us and reinforce feelings of being better than others. Praying for those who suffer will not only help them, it will enhance your own feelings of serenity and begin to clear away any blockages in your heart. An open heart is able to freely express love to others and feel the immense joy of receiving love.

Lesson:

Practicing unconditional compassion opens your heart, which enables you to fully express and feel love.

Exercise:

Become aware of any instances where you are reluctant to feel compassion for someone who is suffering, regardless of the cause of the suffering. When you find yourself resisting real compassion, say a prayer for them. Pray that their suffering will soon be over. Pray for your heart to open wider and to have compassion on all beings.

Awaken Your Inner Child

When we were children we were free. We lived in the moment, focusing on just being a child. If you are in my generation or older, then you probably were never bored. This seems to be a new phenomenon among our youth in the last twenty years or so. No, when I was young I was never bored. I played outside, with or without toys, with or without friends. Whatever I was doing was all that mattered at the time.

As we get older we lose that feeling of freedom to be only in the moment. We become slaves to our wondering mind, often thinking about the past or the future, and not really living in the moment. We become absent in our own lives. The body breathes, walks, performs actions, but the mind is somewhere else. When we consciously bring our attention to the present moment, we become like little children again. We enjoy our life with more vigor. We begin to be present in our own life.

When you are free like a child you naturally express your innate creativity and wonder. Children use their imaginations, opening their world to endless possibilities. They are naturally inquisitive, creative, playful, and willing to explore their world. It's time to live like a child again. When you become present you will pay more attention to your surroundings. You will notice the flowers as you walk into the bank, you will notice the stars at night and maybe take time to watch the sunset. You will have more time to pursue creative activities and more time to play. How can you have more time? Remember how long summer vacations used to seem when you were young? The more present you are the slower time seems to flow. When you aren't stuck inside your head and are actually present, time seems to expand.

Practice being present and you will begin to awaken the little child inside of you. Everything will become more fun. Your inner child will want to play because children love to play. They enjoy being outside in nature, looking at clouds, even playing in the rain! Your inner child might want to try new things, play games, redecorate a room, or make the food on the dinner plate look pretty. Be present and you will feel an urge to express new wonder, playfulness, and creativity.

Lesson :

Reconnecting with your inner child makes life more fun and expands time.

Exercise:

Practice bringing child like awareness into something that you normally do without awareness. It could be as simple as taking a walk.. If you normally are caught up in thoughts while walking, switch your awareness to your surroundings. Take a new route. Make a game out of it. How many animals can you see along the way? How many distinct sounds are around you? Does one street smell different than another street? If you were blind folded would you be able to know which street you were on?

Or maybe awaken your inner child while making dinner. Instead of being caught up in thoughts about the past or future, pay attention to what you are doing. Make a new recipe, or use your creativity in presentation and table setting design. Practice feeling the textures of the different foods as you prepare them. Take a moment to smell them. Be present and the experience will be totally different than mindlessly making dinner while listening to TV.

Practice reconnecting with your inner child and life will be fuller and more fun.