“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
Your story
is what you tell yourself and others about your life. We do this all
the time when we meet new people. The longer we know them, the more
we fill in our life story with whole chapters and characters we have
met. The key is to know that you
are telling the story, so you have the power to change the viewpoint
of the narration.
You are
the narrator of your life. Begin watching how you talk about
yourself. Your every word defines who you want the world to see and
reinforces how you think of yourself. If you keep the narration
focused on unlimited potential for the future, lessons from past
adversity, appreciation for the people who come and go, and gratitude
for life itself, you will not only enjoy life more, you will be a joy
to be around. Be a light in your own life, be your own best
cheerleader, and watch your life be transformed.
Is your
story one of being a victim of circumstance, or is it one of triumph
through adversity? Recognize that either version of the story is just
a different perspective of the same past events. For example, I could
tell my story from a negative point of view …
I
became physically and mentally disabled in my late twenties and early
thirties. I went through an emotionally crushing divorce in that same
time period. My condition eventually required brain surgery when I
was thirty-three. One month before the brain surgery, my
eleven-year-old daughter was tragically killed in an accident because
some jerk cut them off on the highway. My life has been destroyed by
things out of my control. How can I ever be happy? I have to deal
with disabling health issues every day, which further makes my life
sad and depressing. Life
sucks!
This is a
Woe is me!
type story of victimization.
Or I can
tell my story with positive passion …
Many
years ago, I went through some emotional and physical trauma. These
events provided an atmosphere of deep introspection of life and were
a catalyst for self-transformation. I learned that I can be happy no
matter what my past was, my current life circumstances are, or
whatever the future holds. I am grateful for my past, because it has
given me the opportunity to grow into who I am today.
This is a
Life is good!
type story.
It is
important to understand that both versions of the story are just
different perspectives of the same past events. The past hasn’t
changed; the way I look at it has changed. What I choose to emphasize
has changed. This switch from a negative perspective into a positive
one changed my life.
The choice
in how you see and tell your story will affect your self-image and
how others see you. Don’t play the victim in your life story, and
you won’t feel like a victim.
Today ask
yourself, “What’s my story?” If you don’t like the story,
then change it. Don’t fabricate lies, just re-frame how you
describe past events and who you are. If you had past adversity or
tragedy, begin to speak only of the lessons you have learned. Don’t
focus on the pain. Focus on how you used the experience to grow as a
person or how you learned more about yourself and life. If you can’t
quite tell it in a positive fashion yet, then do not tell it at all!
You write your own story. Make it a happy one.
Lesson
#12:
You are
the narrator of your life story. Make it a happy one!
Exercises:
Take time
to sit down and rewrite your life story. It may take many rewrites
before you eliminate all of the negative narration that you have been
accustomed to telling yourself and others. At least start with one
happier, more positive version of your story. You will be able to
rewrite it as often and as much as you desire. There are numerous
ways to tell any story. Make yours a happy one, even if you don’t
believe it yet. Until you rewrite your life story into a happy one,
refrain from telling it.
Watch how
you talk about yourself and what you say about your life story. Story
lines to avoid
are the following:
“I
can’t do that.”
“I’m
not good at ____”
“I’m
not good enough.”
“I
feel like a victim of life circumstances.”
“I
feel like a victim of past events.”
“Life
is difficult.”
“I’ll
never be happy because ____.”
“I’ll
be happy when ______.”
You get
the idea. Watch what you say about yourself and your life. Argue for
your limitations, and you will always be right. Tell stories of
victimization, and you play the part of victim.
Begin to
use story lines that cast you as the hero.
“I
learned so much going through _________. I am truly grateful for the
experience.”
“Going
through the loss of __________ really taught me how I should never
take things for granted.”
“I
learned that I can grow stronger through adversity.”
“I am
not afraid to follow my dreams, because I know that failure is just a
step on the path and another notch in my belt of experience.”
“I know
I can be happy no matter what happens in my life.”
“Life is
good!”
“I chose
not to see myself as a victim of past circumstances but a student of
life. If I didn’t learn something, then that would be a real
tragedy.”
You are
the narrator and the director and can cast yourself as any part you
wish in your life story.
Advanced
Exercise:
Moving
beyond Your Story
Who would
you be without your story? When you define yourself by your life
story, you are still limiting yourself. You are more than your past,
no matter how delightful, painful, exciting, or dramatic it has been.
You are just a character in the story, not the story itself. It can
be tempting, when people ask who you are, to start telling your life
story. The next time someone asks you to share about yourself, tell
them your dreams, your values, and what sparks your passion. It’s
not who you were yesterday that matters; it’s who you choose to be
now and tomorrow.
Laura Barrette Shannon
author of Be Happy Now: Simple Steps for Enjoying Life
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