Awaken Your Inner Child

When we were children we were free. We lived in the moment, focusing on just being a child. If you are in my generation or older, then you probably were never bored. This seems to be a new phenomenon among our youth in the last twenty years or so. No, when I was young I was never bored. I played outside, with or without toys, with or without friends. Whatever I was doing was all that mattered at the time.

As we get older we lose that feeling of freedom to be only in the moment. We become slaves to our wondering mind, often thinking about the past or the future, and not really living in the moment. We become absent in our own lives. The body breathes, walks, performs actions, but the mind is somewhere else. When we consciously bring our attention to the present moment, we become like little children again. We enjoy our life with more vigor. We begin to be present in our own life.

When you are free like a child you naturally express your innate creativity and wonder. Children use their imaginations, opening their world to endless possibilities. They are naturally inquisitive, creative, playful, and willing to explore their world. It's time to live like a child again. When you become present you will pay more attention to your surroundings. You will notice the flowers as you walk into the bank, you will notice the stars at night and maybe take time to watch the sunset. You will have more time to pursue creative activities and more time to play. How can you have more time? Remember how long summer vacations used to seem when you were young? The more present you are the slower time seems to flow. When you aren't stuck inside your head and are actually present, time seems to expand.

Practice being present and you will begin to awaken the little child inside of you. Everything will become more fun. Your inner child will want to play because children love to play. They enjoy being outside in nature, looking at clouds, even playing in the rain! Your inner child might want to try new things, play games, redecorate a room, or make the food on the dinner plate look pretty. Be present and you will feel an urge to express new wonder, playfulness, and creativity.

Lesson :

Reconnecting with your inner child makes life more fun and expands time.

Exercise:

Practice bringing child like awareness into something that you normally do without awareness. It could be as simple as taking a walk.. If you normally are caught up in thoughts while walking, switch your awareness to your surroundings. Take a new route. Make a game out of it. How many animals can you see along the way? How many distinct sounds are around you? Does one street smell different than another street? If you were blind folded would you be able to know which street you were on?

Or maybe awaken your inner child while making dinner. Instead of being caught up in thoughts about the past or future, pay attention to what you are doing. Make a new recipe, or use your creativity in presentation and table setting design. Practice feeling the textures of the different foods as you prepare them. Take a moment to smell them. Be present and the experience will be totally different than mindlessly making dinner while listening to TV.

Practice reconnecting with your inner child and life will be fuller and more fun.

Beware of the Green Eyed Monster

Jealous trains of thought lead directly to discontent, hatred, and insecurity.  When we allow ourselves to indulge in these type of thoughts we are weakening our sense of self worth.  There will always be someone better off than you are in good fortune, financial status, physical appearance, intelligence, or some other trait that you wish you had.  This recognition of the fact that people are different, that everyone has their own set of strong points will cause jealousy or envy if you don't balance the recognition that everyone also has their challenges, weaknesses, and personal demons too.  The next time you find yourself wishing you were someone else, or could experience their most desirable trait, remind yourself that no one is perfect.  The grass isn't greener in their life, unless you are overlooking their weeds.  

A healthier way to think about the traits we desire in others is to make a point to work on those traits ourselves, to let them be an inspiration for personal growth.  Let your envy turn into admiration.  

Be happy, my Friends,

Laura barrette Shannon

Happiness Can Be as Simple as Cooking Chili

"I CAN'T STOP thinking about _____and it's upsetting me." We have all been there at one time. It may be a past pain or a future worry that is disturbing your peace of mind. You may have tried to be present to keep the thought at bay, but it just keeps coming back. Here are a few hyper-focus techniques that will effectively block those haunting thoughts:

Create: When you focus on a new garden project, cooking a new recipe, or redecorating a room you are paying attention to the process of creation. This usually will keep your attention enough to quell negative trains of thought. My favorites: cooking chili, sand castles, finger painting.

Play games: Playing games will focus your attention enough to stop all other thoughts from taking over your mind. If you are alone, try puzzles, word games, or Sudoku. Scrabble is my favorite. Playing board games has the added value of nurturing relationships. (I highly recommend this to all families.) Playing sports has the added benefit of exercise. Even watching sports can sometimes be enough to grab your attention and keep your focus outside of your head. 

Music: Singing happy songs will hyper-focus your mind on breathing, tone, rhythm, etc. Karaoke requires even more attention by having to read at the same time. This will effectively keep your mind from wandering onto negative trains of thought. You also get the bonus of deep breathing! Playing a musical instrument also requires your full attention. These activities are like musical meditation!

Service: When we are helping others we are focused away from our own problems. Volunteer in your community or church. When you are of service, you are not only being a productive member of your community, you will feel better about yourself. 

Dance: Take a class, or make up the moves as you go. Any kind of dancing will do the trick! Make dancing a regular part of your life.

Of course, keep practicing breathing and being present as much as possible, but sometimes these techniques may be just what you need to break the negative train of thought and force you into the Now.

Lesson:

Being hyper-focused on an activity can effectively stop negative trains of thought from circling in your mind.

Exercise:

Become aware if you caught up in unhappy thoughts that keep circling in your mind. When you find that a few deep breaths are not enough to jump off the train of thought then use a hyper-focus technique to keep those disturbing thoughts at bay.   You will discover which techniques work best for you.  Have fun while clearing your mind of unwanted thoughts.  :)

The Little Fears Will Destroy You

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." ~Master Yoda~

Be aware of your fears, face them with courage, for it is not that which you are afraid of that will destroy you, it is the fear itself that has that power. It isn't always the big fears that destroy our peace of mind, it is usually the little fears, called "worries" that bring us suffering.

What are you worried about? Being in the mindset of "what could go wrong" can work to your advantage if you allow it to push you to be prepared with a plan "B", or to take proactive steps to insure undesired outcomes are averted. In contrast, excessive worrying about things you have no control over will disturb your peace of mind.

Learn to distinguish between the two types of worries If you can take action to prevent an undesirable outcome, then be proactive or plan as you deem necessary. Then let the thoughts go, by reminding yourself that you have done what you can do and are prepared for whatever the future unfolds. If you have no control over what you may imagine happening, then there is no need to waste your mental energy upsetting yourself. Use whatever methods you find work for you to jump off of the worry train of thought. Being aware when you are caught up in worrying is one step closer to stopping it.

Lesson:

Worrying is a waste of mental energy and destroys peace of mind.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of when your mind wanders onto worries. When you are worrying take appropriate action if possible to aleviate the worry. If the situation you are worried about is out of your control then jump off the worry train of thought. Take a slow deep breath and refocus your mind on being present or more uplifting trains of thought. The more you practice not worrying the less apt you will be to focus on things out of your control. All thoughts feed on attention. Don't feed worries and they go away.

Everyone Has Their Own Garden (Weeding 101)

So far we’ve learned that life is like a flower garden, and we are the one’s who plant the seeds.  We either unconsciously let the garden get overrun with weeds of dissatisfaction or we can consciously take control of our garden, planting beautiful flowers of happiness.  We’ve practiced changing the way we respond to life and gained awareness of how our thoughts and attention can be used as a tool for creating a life of joy and peace.

The next step involves exploring the concept that everyone has their own separate flower garden.  Each garden is as personal as the person who tends it.  Not everyone’s garden will be a floral work of art.  As a matter of fact, most people’s gardens are filled with weeds of unhappiness, choking the life out of a few happy moments in their life..

One of the most challenging aspects of owning a garden is keeping out the weeds.  When people who have neglected their garden interact with others, they spread their weeds.  This is not intentional.  This is never personal.  They are not trying to ruin your happy state of being.  They aren’t even aware that they have a garden, or that they should pay attention to it.  They believe that life is filled with unhappy events, that some days are good and some days are bad, and that they have no control over any of it.  They have learned to focus on the unhappy events and to share them repeatedly throughout the day.    

You can’t change people. Their weeds have been building up over a lifetime and actually the only one who is capable of weeding is the one who owns the garden.  Even though you can’t change people you can change how you respond to them.  When someone is taking their frustrations out on you, Instead of re-acting, being upset yourself, you can choose to act with awareness.  Your response may be to just ignore the comment, it might be to respond in a positive way, or it might be just telling them you don’t want to hear about it.  Take a moment to have compassion on them, because they are filled with unhappiness in that moment.  See them for what they are;  unhappy people just letting off steam.  It’s never personal.

When people say negative things to you, you can make sure they don’t take root in your garden.  To do this you have to realize that what people say and do are a result of their own state mind at the time.  It actually doesn’t have anything to do with you.  It’s never personal.  When people complain about life  they are just expressing their unhappy thoughts that have built up. The unhappy thoughts germinate into unhappy moods. All the negative thoughts create negative energy that  needs to be discharged.    If we realize that what they are saying isn’t personal, it is just a result of a garden filled with unhappy weeds, then you will see that what they say has nothing to do with you.  It is no more personal than if your neighbor's dandelion seeds spread onto your lawn at home.

It is very important not to let those weeds germinate in your garden. You won’t be able to keep the weeds from spreading to your garden if you allow them to take seed.  The first step is to be aware when the weeds are blowing your way.  Once you notice them, you will be able to change the flow of the wind so that they just fly past your garden.

So what are these weeds that people blow our way every day?  It’s all the negative things people say to you.  It’s listening to their complaints. It’s when your spouse snaps at you because he can’t find his keys.  It’s your boss yelling at you because she’s in a bad mood.  It’s the guy who just cut you off in traffic and then beeped at you like it was your fault.  It’s your Mom when she comes home in a bad mood and starts in on you because your homework isn’t done.  It’s all the negatively charged emotions that are verbalized at you all day.

Lesson:

Everyone has their own garden, some are full of the weeds of stress and unhappiness.  Don’t let other people’s weeds take root in your garden!

Exercise:

This week bring your attention to your interactions with people.  If they try to spread their unhappiness with you, respond with awareness instead of re-act. Take a breathe, and bring your full attention on remaining calm. When you see the weeds blowing your way, see them for what they are.  Remind yourself that it isn’t personal.  They are just expressing their unhappiness.  Keep your focus on having compassion for them, because they are suffering from their own bad mood.  Let those weeds fly right by your beautiful flower garden, and go about your day as if it never happened.

If you find yourself becoming upset, and repeating the negative interaction over and over in your mind, then the weed has taken root.  It’s not too late.  When you notice that your mind is dwelling on negative thoughts, the sooner you stop it the easier it will be to uproot.  Gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Take a deep breath and pay attention to where you are now, what you are doing now. Bring your full attention to whatever you are doing in the moment. Each time the negative train of thought comes to mind, don't pay attention to it. Let it flow right through. Do not jump on any train of thought that will bring you to an unhappy destination. The more you practice this, the easier it will be to let the thoughts flow with out getting your attention hooked. Again, don't judge your efforts. It took a lifetime to build the habit of jumping on every train of thought without question. It will take some time to break the habit. Every tiny bit of awareness that you bring to this endeavor will pay off.

Choose to Be

 When we blame other people for our problems and personal issues we become a puppet of life. To be completely free and at peace with yourself and the world, you have to stop pointing the finger away from yourself for being who you are, and the way you act.

 Unhappy people tend to blame their parents, boss, past traumas, ex-spouse, or even God for their problems, preferring to play the victim with "Woe is me" stories, rather than look at their own actions and life choices.  They say things like, “I'm this way because of _____.” They place the responsibility of why they are the way they are on other people and situations instead of taking the responsibility themselves.

Take charge of life by accepting that who and what you are today is a direct result of all of the thoughts and actions that you have made in the past, not because of someone else, or something outside of yourself. Everyone has the power to choose to be any way they wish to be. Don't be a victim of life! Once one accepts responsibility for their own life, true change occurs.

  

"Choose to Be" 

I am now whom I choose to be,
Consciously guiding my destiny.
I once blamed fate for losing my way,
But, actions past formed me today.
I was asleep- slumbering life;
Dreaming daily; Seeding strife.
Now, I pick, plan persist,
Intending to be whom I insist.
Dueling demons; Fighting fear,
Actions my weapons; Thoughts my seer.
I will endure until the end,
Minding each moment that I spend,
Knowing that I'm forever free,
Being now whom I choose to be. 

(from Awakening Perception, by Laura Barrette Shannon)

When I realized that I alone was responsible for how I interact with others and respond to life events, it gave me the power to make different choices.  I was no longer a victim of life.  I began to choose to look at myself and how I interacted in the world.  I discovered my habits based in fear were not working to create the life I desired.  I learned to face my fears and to focus on love, joy, and life's beauty.  In doing so, I chose to be a happy free spirit.  Reclaim your personal power by taking full responsibility for who you are and how you interact with the world. Take responsibility for your life. Cut those puppet strings!

Lesson:

We are responsible for our interactions with people, and our responses to situations in life.

Exercise:

Do you blame others or past situations for your unhappiness? When you blame others it takes the responsibility and control of your life away from you. Take your life back. You have full control over who you are and how you choose to be now and in the future. Stop being a victim and take responsibility for yourself. Take control of the wheel and start steering your life in the direction you choose.

Repeat these affirmations:

“I am fully responsible for how I interact with others.”

“I am fully responsible for my responses to life situations.”

“I am fully responsible for who I choose to be.”

Complaints Are Seeds of Misery

Life is a flower garden

your thoughts are the seeds.

You'll reap what you sow,

plant flowers not weeds.

Accept what is- 

allow life to flow!

Speak only delight

Where ever you go!

Speak no evil. When we speak ill, gossip, and pass judgment on others we only hurt ourselves. It demonstrates a lack of compassion, intolerance, and pettiness which diminishes our character.

"Be impeccable with your word."~ don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent. When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them.   When we complain, we are planting seeds of misery in our minds, and spreading those seeds to other people.  Complaining will amplify your fixation on a negative circumstance.  If you can change what it is you are wishing were different, then have the courage to do it.  If you choose not to, then stop complaining.  If it's something beyond your control, then the complaining serves only one purpose- to aggravate yourself and others around you.  

Not only is complaining a waste of time and energy, it’s detrimental to peace of mind.  Whenever you complain, you are planting weeds instead of seeds.  You are reinforcing negative thinking with every complaint you utter.  Begin to notice how you feel irritated when you complain about things.  This irritation is the root cause of stress in your life. Stress is caused when the mind refuses to accept what is.  When we are constantly dwelling on things that are out of our control, we plant seeds of discontent and anger.   The events in our life do not create our stress, our thoughts about these events are the seeds of discontent.

Mom was right, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."

Become aware of how your words affect your emotions and those who hear them. It's not just gossip that hurts, it's any complaint or negative comments about life in general. Become aware of the power of your words. Words can hurt or words can heal.

Lesson:

Complaining is a seed of discontent.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of what you say.  Your words are a mirror of your mind.  See if you can notice how much you complain, and how others will complain about the littlest things.  Become aware of what type of conversations you have with people.  Are most of your conversations positive and uplifting or are they mostly complaining about people or life in general?  Begin to notice how you feel when you complain about things. How do you feel when others are complaining? All that is required is to become aware of how complaining is contributing to your level of stress. This is an awareness exercise. Raising your awareness is the first step to complaining less. Awareness is the key to getting your emotions under control. Don't judge yourself. Be grateful that you are becoming aware of how stress originates and that you have the power to begin living peacefully. The next few chapters will teach you how to begin focusing on the positive aspects of life.

Acceptance Is a Seed of Happiness

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference. 

One of the most essential seeds to plant in any garden of happiness is acceptance.  When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent.  You’ve probably heard the saying, “It is what it is.”  When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them.  Living with acceptance doesn’t mean that you condone the imperfections of this world, it means that you have chosen to see beyond them in order to allow yourself to enjoy life. 

Acceptance is a fundamental key to happiness. When we admit that sometimes life involves events that we can't control, we plant the seed of acceptance. Realize that accepting something doesn't necessarily mean that you like what happened, it is admitting that "it is what it is" and releasing the thoughts of wishing it had been different. You can never change the past, but you can move forward without fighting it. The first step is to be willing to let it go.

When you allow yourself to get caught up in conversations that are based in negativity, you are filling your mind with seeds of misery. Be aware of focusing too much on what's wrong with the world. When you focus on obstacles and problems you fail to see solutions. Happy people look beyond life's imperfections, not talk about them all day.

Now that you’ve awakened your ability to be present at will and know that you can be happy Now,  your ready to begin planting new seeds of joy.  In lesson previous lessons, you learned that you can control your attention.  You successfully practiced focusing your attention and actively engaging the present moment.  This may seem like a small accomplishment and you are probably wondering how being present will help to transform your life.  It’s simple: The more you practice being present and being aware of your thoughts, the easier it will be to focus your attention.

When you learn to focus your attention at will you’ll be able to steer your trains of thought toward more desirable emotions.  Thus, by directing your attention, you have unlocked the door to happiness.  Happy people have learned to do this, even if they don’t know what they are doing.  Happy people focus on their flower garden;  they pay attention to and nurture the seeds of happiness and do not allow weeds into their garden.

Lesson:

Acceptance is an essential seed of happiness.

Exercise:

Is there something you feel you can not accept? Is it something that you can change? If it is beyond your scope of influence, then it is something that you either must come to accept, or continue letting the thoughts of unacceptance cause you misery.

Become aware of any issues you may have with acceptance. When you find something that is troubling you that you have no control over, plant new seeds of acceptance by repeating:

 “I may not like _______, but since there is nothing I can do about it I choose to let these thoughts go.” 

 The more awareness you bring to this issue, the quicker you will be able to stop riding these disturbing trains of thought. Eventually they will come less and less. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to accept that life won't always be what you think it should be.

Be Happy, my Friends-

Laura barrette Shannon

The Happy Monk

A young man in search of happiness heard of a wise old monk that was enjoying a happy life. So he went to see the happy Monk, who he found in the garden. He approached him as the Monk was weeding and asked, "Please,Brother, would you show me how to enjoy life?" The Monk stood up, "I am busy weeding the garden." Then knelt back down and began weeding again. The young man left and came back the next day as the Monk was cooking his dinner. Again, he inquired, "Brother, please, can you tell me how to enjoy life?". The Monk took a deep breath as he inhaled the aroma of the stew he was stirring and replied, "I am busy cooking dinner."
The man left and came back for the third day, asking the Monk one more time, "Please, Brother, share with me your wisdom of how you are so happy and enjoy life." The Monk shrugged his shoulders and sighed, "I keep telling you but you aren\'t listening."

original Zen story by Laura Barrette Shannon

Why Presence Is the Key to Happiness

In this world of chaotic change,
I Am at peace.
Breath of tranquility
Calms my restless mind.
Just being Present
Blocks emotional turmoil,
Reminding me
What is Real.

When you are enjoying your time, you are PRESENT; You\'re focusing on whatever you are doing, without thinking about the past or future. See if you can bring this awareness into your daily activities. The more you practice controlling your attention, the easier it becomes, and the more you focus this attention outside of your head, the more you will find joy in the simplest things. Be mindful- PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR LIFE AS IT HAPPENS.
The act of being present is an awareness of your surroundings in a new and exciting way. You will appreciate nature, perhaps feeling the sun on your face, hearing the sweet melodies of the birds, or noticing other stimuli that would normally be drowned out by your thoughts. You will enjoy your meals with new vitality, savoring each bite, allowing the flavors to fully be tasted. You will become more conscious of your own body, feeling the joy of each breath as it enters and exits your lungs. You will come to realize that the act of being present will draw your mind away from thoughts of the past, and worries of the future. All that will matter is NOW, because you will be actively engaging your senses in the present moment.

Being present as much as possible will enliven your life. When you are fully present, your awareness is in a different state of attention. In this state of attention, you are aware of your present moment of activity, and you are also aware of your thoughts. Many people are in a constant state of unawareness. They will go about their day, rarely being present, and barely aware of their surroundings and what they are thinking. More often than not, they don’t understand why their emotions are out of control.

Exercise:
Practice being present.

Choose at least one activity that you normally do everyday. It can be anything at all, eating, showering, drinking coffee, exercising, etc. Whenever you do this activity be present as much as possible. Start by bringing your attention to your body and senses. What do you feel physically? What do you see, smell, and hear? At the same time be aware of your thoughts. It’s natural to have thoughts. The goal isn’t to eliminate them, but to let them pass by like trains in a train station.
Walking: Be aware of the physical sensations; Feel your muscles contract as you walk. Feel the heat or cold on your skin. Feel the textures of your clothing. Be aware of any sounds; listen to the sound of your own breath as it flows in and out.

Eating: Take time to enjoy the taste and aroma of your food. Savor each bite as if you never tasted it before. Pay attention to the texture, the way your tongue moves as you chew.

Really focus on staying present. When you find your mind drifting to other thoughts, gently pull yourself back into the moment. This exercise will demonstrate just how much you are caught up in your thoughts versus being present.
Be where you are.
Do what you are doing.
Experience life as it happens.
When we live inside our heads, thinking about being somewhere else, doing something else, or thinking about the past or the future, we are missing out on living. You will enjoy life more if you actually live it as it unfolds.

Don’t judge your efforts. Even if you can only be present for 5 seconds at a time you have successfully begun your journey towards being happy now.

Are You Lonely?

(image zoomcatch.com)

ARE YOU LONELY? You can be in a crowded room or in multiple close relationships and still feel lonely. Don't confuse being alone with being lonely. It is when we have learned to be our own best friend that we banish thoughts of loneliness. Recognize loneliness as a reminder that we have to reclaim our innate wholeness, not to look for completion in another. No one can complete you, or take away your feelings of loneliness. The void you may feel in your heart is because you haven't embraced your own perfection. When you embrace all that you are, loving yourself with all of your heart, it is an act of personal healing and a step toward feeling whole.
Begin to take steps to reclaim yourself. It takes time and effort, as it did to lose yourself in the first place. It starts with self awareness, getting to really know who you are and what might be being suppressed within yourself. Everyone's journey of self awareness is as individual as they are. For me, daily affirmations helped remind me of my innate self worth. Also, being true to myself and following my dreams helped. Redrawing boundaries with others or eliminating some unhealthy relationships was also a part of it. Basically, it is embracing who you are, and gaining the feeling of self worth and self love. In reality, it is as easy or as challenging as you believe it to be. Set the intent to reclaim your wholeness, and then do the work to find yourself. Self awareness is the key.
 Reclaim your wholeness and never be lonely again!

~Laura Barrette Shannon
Be Happy, my Friends! :)

Are You a Human BEing?

Be where you are.

                       Do what you are doing.

Experience life as it happens.

Practice being a human BEING, not a human THINKING. It is when we allow ourselves to BE in the moment that we capture the peace and joy of living.



Practice: Choose at least one activity that you normally do everyday.  It can be anything at all, eating, showering, drinking coffee, exercising, etc.  Whenever you do this activity be present as much as possible.  Start by bringing your attention to your body and senses.  What do you feel physically?  What do you see, smell, and hear?  At the same time be aware of your thoughts.  It’s natural to have thoughts.  The goal isn’t to eliminate them, but to let them pass by like trains in a train station.

Examples:

Walking:  Be aware of the physical sensations;  Feel your muscles contract as you walk. Feel the heat or cold on your skin. Feel the textures of your clothing.  Be aware of any sounds; listen to the sound of your own breath as it flows in and out.

Eating:  Take time to enjoy the taste and aroma of your food.  Savor each bite as if you never tasted it before.  Pay attention to the texture, the way your tongue moves as you chew.

Really focus on staying present.  When you find your mind drifting to other thoughts, gently pull yourself back into the moment. This exercise will demonstrate just how much you are caught up in your thoughts versus being present.

When we live inside our heads, thinking about being somewhere else, doing something else, or thinking about the past or the future, we are missing out on living. You will enjoy life more if you actually live it as it happens.

Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

Forgiveness Is a One Person Act

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewis Smedes

Who do you need to forgive in order to release yourself from the prison of repetitive emotional pain? How long will you hold onto this pain, like a deluded victim clinging to the knife that stabs them, pretending that you aren't the one holding the knife? Forgiving is a one person act. It never has anything to do with the person we hold resentment or anger toward. It has to do with the attachment to the anger and resentment within ourselves. Release the desire to justify holding onto the emotional pain and it loses its attraction. Then you can see it for what it is, a destructive train of thought. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. It is not condoning whatever actions or words hurt you. It is making a decision not to let the event keep hurting you over and over. It is an act of self healing. By releasing the thoughts of resentment and anger we release our attachment to suffering.

Some people think that you shouldn't forgive someone unless they deserve to be forgiven.  This is not being fair to yourself. You are the one who deserves to be free of this heavy weight.  If you think you need to wait until the other person apologizes or somehow repents, you have given them the power over your suffering. Don't let others control your emotions. You are responsible for how you respond to people and events in life. You are the only one who can end this suffering. You are not doing them a favor by forgiving, you are releasing yourself from the bondage they hold over you. The act of forgiveness releases you from the repetitive thoughts of being a victim.  You may have been a victim once, but until you forgive and let those thoughts of resentment go, you will be a victim of this emotional suffering again and again. 

Once you forgive a person, it does not mean that you should allow the same situation to repeat itself.  Just because you have forgiven something does not mean it is okay to allow it to happen again. Be forgiving in nature but be wise in your decisions to interact with others by not playing a fool.  Forgiving doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship should return to what it was. Sometime it will be even better, sometimes it will change as new boundaries are set, and sometimes it completely ends. No matter how the relationship changes, the important part is that you aren't suffering with anger and resentment anymore.

The act of forgiveness may take time, so be gentle with yourself as you move toward freeing yourself from this dark prison.

Laura Barrette Shannon

Releasing Regrets

(image from the situationist.wordpress.com)

When we hold onto regrets, it hinders our ability to fully enjoy life. It creates a darkness that clouds our inner joy. To truly enjoy life we need to make peace with our past by accepting it for what it was. Release any thoughts about how the past should have been any different than it was. These types of thoughts are pointless and they only serve to disturb your peace of mind. Come to accept that whatever happened is now over now.. To think about how you wish it had been different is riding on a train of thought that leads to emotional suffering. Don't be attached to imaginary past scenarios by rewriting history in your mind. Use your imagination to focus on future dreams, not to torture yourself with thoughts of what should have been or what could have been.

For some people “what could have been” thoughts are the root of personal regret. You may look back and ponder different choices you might have made that would have resulted in different events occurring. As tempting as this negative mind candy can be, we must be aware of how destructive this way of thinking is to our peace of mind. The “could have been” scenarios reinforce the negative emotions about what actually happened. It won't help you get past the regret, it will ignite it with each thought of “if I had only done this”.

Be aware that you made choices in the past that made sense at the time according to knowledge you had and the state of mind you were in at that time.  Forgive yourself for doing the best you could.  That is all anyone ever does.  Don't let the "what ifs" take over your mind and hijack your emotions.  Accept the past for what it was and move forward.

No amount of thinking can change the past, but thinking too much about how you wish it were different will change your present into living hell of regret.

Be Happy, my Friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

Are You Compassionate?

(image drugfreehomes.org)

Do you have compassion? Compassion is when we open our hearts to empathize and extend love to others. It may be easy to have compassion on those who you see as suffering from life events or forces outside of themselves, but can you offer compassion for those who are victims of their own choices. Can you have compassion for the homeless crack addict as well as the baby born with health issues? Can you come to a place of compassion for those who are stuck in unawareness, suffering in a living hell of their own doing? If you can have compassion on all who suffer, regardless of the cause of suffering, then this is unconditional compassion. Practice feeling compassion towards those you normally judge as “losers”. The reality is they are suffering because they have lost themselves. Thoughts of judgment only serve to irritate us and reinforce feelings of being better than others. Praying for those who suffer will not only help them, it will enhance your own feelings of serenity.

Be compassionate, and be happy, my Friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

To Each His Own

A young man in search of wisdom asked, "Please tell me, Grandmother, how can I attain wisdom such as yours,? Which path can I take to follow you?" The wise old Grandmother replied, "Dear child, you can journey to where I am, but you can not follow me. The path to wisdom is a personal journey. There are many different roads to take, and no two are ever the same. You will find many guides and signs leading you along the path to wisdom, but only you can make the choices at each fork in the road.” “But, Grandmother, how will I know which way to go when I reach a fork in the road?” “Dear child, do not fret over which road to choose, all paths eventually lead to the same place. Some may look easier and faster if you are following in someone else's path, but it is when you make your own way, following your own path that you will not only find your way, but you'll have found yourself in the process.”

Resist the urge to think that your way or your path is the right way or only way. Allow others to travel their life journey according to their own heart. By respecting the beliefs and choices of others we have no need to defend our own. It demostrates that we acknowledge that everyone has their own path to forge, including ourselves. When we try to control other people we are taking their personal power away.

Allowing others to walk their own path does not mean we have indulge people caught up in victim mentality. Those are the people who seem to be looking for advice, but actually just want to draw you into their drama. They are looking for sympathy not solutions. Years ago, I used to give advice to others, and when they didn't follow my direction it would cause me to feel frustrated. I was attached to the outcome of how I thought they should act. If we can get to a place where we can offer guidance without attachment, have compassion for those who are still struggling to find themselves, and a let go and let God attitude, then we release ourselves from stressing over other people's lives.

When we constantly seek guidance and approval of our choices we give our personal power away. Seek wise advice as necessary, but always make the choice according to your own heart. Decide if what you are choosing is aligned with who you are. Is it aligned with your values and dreams of the future? Is the choice made out of love or out of fear? These questions will help you evaluate your life decisions. In the end, there really is no wrong choice made with awareness and love. You may decide that after a time you want to make a new choice in another direction. That is fine too, because all paths are tools for self introspection and offer lessons in life. Never regret anything you've done if you have learned an important lesson through the experience. Forgive yourself for being human. We all make choices that in hindsight we would do differently. Yet, we all do the best we can with the level of awareness we have at the time. If you are tolerant of your “mistakes” then you'll be tolerant when others make the same “mistakes.”

Lesson:

Life is a personal journey of self discovery. Allow others to have a chance to find themselves in their own way.

Exercise:

Does it upset you when people close to you don't follow your advice? Practice bringing awareness into the situation. Release your need to control their life choices because you know what is best for them. What is best for them is to figure out what is best for themselves by learning to follow their authentic self. Practice guidance without expectation. Be supportive of your loved ones even when they make choices that are different from what you would do.  

Be happy,my Friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

Imagine a Second Chance

Imagine yourself many years from now, in the last few minutes of your life....

You are calm and at peace, reflecting on the wonderful life you’ve had, but also keenly aware of things you could have done differently. 

Think about the ordinary moments that you wish you had payed more attention to as they happened.

Recall the people you wish you had shown more love and forgiveness...

Now, imagine that you have a chance to go back to today and live out those years again, with enhanced awareness, with more love and more joy...

Poof! You are here, Now. Be grateful for this second chance. Enjoy your journey, and be happy, my Friends :)

Laura barrette Shannon

Think Before You Speak

(image from visuallyinsightful.blogspot.com)

Watch how you talk about yourself.  When you repeat stories of being a victim, express self effacing comments, or other self limiting statements about your life, you are giving away your personal power and playing the roll of one who is unworthy and unhappy.  If you have nothing nice to say about yourself or your life, then it is better to say nothing at all.  Learn to express your inner light and self worth and you will be amazed at how your moods will be lifted.  Plus, you will be more fun to be around!
Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

Be Remembered

 People may forget what you say, they might even forget things you do for them, but they will never forget how they feel around you. If you want to make a lasting impression on someone, open your heart, listen to them when they speak, look them in the eyes, give encouragement, and always offer hugs when appropriate. Some people go a whole day or more without experiencing the touch of another human being. Even a pat of the shoulder or back can long be remembered and appreciated. Be generous with your hugs! 

When you offer your attention and warm emotion, you will be remembered.  You will be making others feel like they matter.  This is a key to forming healthy relationships.

(((hugs)))

Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

Take the Happiness Challenge!

(image from happyxyz.blogspot.com)

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE: This week, when a stressful situation arises, take a slow deep breath and make an effort to focus your attention on being present. This will give you time to choose to act with awareness instead of reacting to all the little things that happen in a day. Really make an effort to stop complaining out loud. Negative thoughts may still arise in your mind, but if you have eno...ugh awareness to stop those negative thoughts from being spoken, then you are making progress. Eventually, with practice it will become easier and easier to let those negative thoughts flow through your mind before they grab your attention and irritate you.
Don’t judge your efforts. Even if you can not catch yourself before you complain, but do have enough awareness to notice it after you said it, you are making a step toward being a happier person. With enough practice you will begin to raise your level of awareness which will enable you to respond positively instead of negatively to life.
Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon