Learning to Respond to Life in a Positive Way

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~ Buddha

Now that you have become aware of the relationship between complaining and stress, you are ready to learn how to stop complaining and learn to respond to life in a different way. Most complaints are merely reactions that we have learned and practiced over a lifetime. We were never taught how to watch our thoughts. We never knew that there was a different way of looking at life.

The difference between reacting and acting is bringing awareness to the situation. This allows you to use your free will to respond any way you choose. When you react to a situation, you are most likely repeating patterns of behavior without thought to whether your reactions are appropriate for this new situation. You are literally re-acting, or acting again, the way you have acted before. When you respond with action to a situation, you are consciously aware of what you are thinking, saying, and doing.

When a stressful situation arises, unhappy people will automatically react with negative thoughts, most of which are resisting the reality of what is. If you are unaware of your thoughts, you have no control over your reactions to life. By taking a moment to be present, you will gain awareness of your thoughts, which will give you an opportunity to choose your response instead of just reacting to the situation. You will act with awareness instead of reacting.

Let’s look at an example of the typical unhappy person reacting to a flat tire. The tire blows. Ms. Grimm starts cursing. “I can’t believe this! Now I’m going to be late! This is terrible!” After she hurriedly scrambles to find the number for roadside assistance, she calls with aggravation in her voice. She will spend the time waiting, repeating negative thoughts of nonacceptance, feeling like a victim, and possibly even calling other people to express her irritation, spreading the seeds of misery. Then she will most likely repeat the story of this event multiple times throughout the day, each time becoming upset and feeling stressed.

Now let’s see how Ms. Chipper handles the same situation: The tire blows. “Darn!” (Slow, deep breathe.) “Well, I guess I’ll call roadside assistance. There’s nothing else I can do about it.” Keeps breathing deeply and slowly as she calmly calls for assistance. Then starts to think, Boy, am I thankful that I didn’t have an accident when the tire blew! Thank God! I’ll call work and let them know I’m going to be late. And now I can call a few people that I’ve been meaning to call while I wait. She might repeat this story but will definitely tell it without negative residual emotions.

You may have had the good fortune to witness the difference between an unhappy person and a happy person in a situation. The unhappy people are always stressing themselves out and have a hard time coping when unexpected things happen. The happy people are the ones who are calm and flow with life. The flat-tire incident is a relatively big event compared to the many smaller things that pass our way in any given day. Most of the time, the events that stress people out are very small.

Let’s look at another example of unchecked thoughts, this time with something small happening. Mr. Grimm is getting ready for work. He isn’t thinking about what he is doing and spills coffee on his shirt. Cursing, he starts to rush around. As he is hurrying, he is thinking how clumsy he was for spilling the coffee and how he is going to be late. These thoughts agitate him even more. While he is driving to work he’s still thinking about being late and not really focusing on the road. Each red light he stops at aggravates him more and more, which starts him thinking about how much he hates traffic and driving. By the time Mr. Grimm gets to work, he’s in a bad mood and is grumpy to everyone he passes on the way to his desk. He has a stressful morning because everything seems to bother him. He starts to think about how much he hates his job. By afternoon, he is feeling stressed and depressed.

Sometimes a tiny event can spiral into a bad mood or even a bad day. Mr. Grimm didn’t let the emotions process quickly and in a healthy manner. So he feels irritated while trying to find another shirt, thinking about how he’s going to be late, driving faster to work, and getting more irritated at every stop light. By the time he reaches work, a small spill on his shirt has become the trigger for ruining his mood for the morning. He is unaware why he is in a bad mood. He just thinks he is having a bad day.

Now, let’s look at an example of catching your thoughts in the same situation. Mr. Chipper is getting ready for work. He isn’t thinking about what he’s doing and spills coffee on his shirt. “Oops!” (Momentary irritation. Takes a slow, deep breath) “Guess I missed my mouth! (Chuckles.) “I’ll go change my shirt.” (Feels no residual irritation about this event.) Then he starts to think, Darn, I’m going to be late now. Mr. Chipper, recognizing his reaction as a negative thought process, starts to watch his thoughts. He knows what can happen if he lets them run amok. Instead of getting upset, he thinks about having an opportunity to slow down a bit and focus on the present moment. He takes an extra three minutes to change his shirt and leaves for work. He is still focused on the moment and what he is thinking about, so as he drives to work he doesn’t rush but enjoys the twenty-minute commute, singing to the music on the radio. He focuses on driving and singing. He happily greets everyone as he enters work and has a great day.

You can see from these very simplistic examples how one thought can trigger other thoughts and create a spiral of emotion. If you can catch your negative thoughts and change them toward something different, or just release them and move on with your day, you will be taking a huge step toward improving your life. These practices take time and effort, but the more you watch your thoughts, the easier it is to see them and not let them take over your emotions.

When we react to every slight irritation all day long, the stress builds inside us. By resisting the flow of life, we condemn ourselves into a life of aggravation. It doesn’t have to be that way! You can learn to respond to life in a different way.

Here is where you can use presence. When an unexpected event pops into your day, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is exactly the amount of time it takes to let the momentary irritation pass through you and to become present. It’s okay to feel the irritation, but let it flow quickly and then let it go.

If you have enough presence, you will be able to stop your train of thought about whatever is bothering you. These few seconds will allow you to inhibit your emotional impulse and evaluate the situation. If it is something that you have no control over, then instead of complaining, (either in your thoughts or out loud) switch your perspective to one of acceptance. You might even remind yourself that it isn’t worth getting upset over the issue.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Daniel Goleman formulates the skills necessary for emotional well-being. He writes,

“Emotional intelligence consists of five skills: knowing what you’re thinking as you’re thinking it; handling your feelings so that distracting emotions don’t interfere with your ability to concentrate and learn; motivating yourself, including maintaining optimism and hope; having empathy; and social skills.”

When you can develop enough awareness to know what you are thinking, and thereby respond to life in a positive way, instead of reacting you are on your way to being an emotionally balanced person. If you can make a habit of this, you’ll notice a remarkable change in your life. As a matter of fact, if this is the only lesson you ever apply from this book, then you will have the tools to eliminate stress.

When we complain about life, people, traffic, weather, or life in general, we’re not only planting weeds in our garden, we are spreading seeds of misery into someone else’s garden. Stop aggravating yourself and everyone around you with complaints!

Lesson:

You can respond to life in a positive way. (Stop complaining.)

Exercise:
This week, make an effort to focus your attention on being present and choosing to act with awareness instead of reacting to all the little things that happen in a day. Really make an effort to stop complaining out loud. The negative thoughts will still arise in your mind, but if you have enough awareness to stop those negative thoughts from being spoken, then you are making progress. Eventually, with practice it will become easier and easier to let those negative thoughts flow through your mind before they grab your attention and irritate you.

Stop the Insanity

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstein

"Do you repeat unhealthy patterns expecting the outcome to be different "this time"? This is common in relationships, but this insanity can be seen in many parts of life. Take a few minutes to reflect upon your life. Do you see any unhealthy patterns? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle. Once you become conscious of how you are stuck in an unhealthy cycle of repetition you can take action to break free.


If you are repeating unhealthy patterns, you will have to change yourself in order to break the pattern. You can't change others, but when we change the way we interact with people, reset boundaries, or choose to move in a different direction, we successfully break the cycle of insanity. Relationships are like a dance. If you change your moves, the other person will follow suit or decide not to dance with you at all. Either way, it works out in your best interest.


Be gentil with yourself. Awareness is the the first step. Don't beat yourself up because you have been in a cycle of unhealthy patterns. You are human and we all face these issues in one way or another. Keep in mind that you have the power to do something different if you choose to break the pattern, but only you will know how and when to address the issue. Enjoy the journey, it's not about the destination. You are always perfect no matter what. Sometimes, we create a different version of our perfection to suit our own needs and self expression.


Laura Barrette Shannon ♥
author of Be Happy Now: Simple Steps to Enjoying Life

Life's Practical Jokes :-)

Being caught without an umbrella in an unexpected rain, 

dropping ketchup on your shirt,

children dragging mud in on the freshly washed floor,

spilling coffee in your new car,

getting splashed with mud by a passing bus...

Sometimes life sends us these reminders to lighten-up, not take ourselves so seriously, to learn to laugh instead of being upset. Think of it as a friendly reminder to shake your head and just smile. 

Learning to laugh at the little ironies that pop up from time to time is a valuable coping mechanism.  It transmutes irritation into comical relief.  You will automatically feel better about the situation as you realize that these small inconveniences are really not that important anyway.  They bring the variety of surprise to a life of over expectation.  Not everything will always go the way you plan.  It is these tiny bits of practical jokes that Life will play on us that  reminds us not to sweat the small stuff.  It puts things back into perspective:    The objects we place emotional value in are just things.  Our physical appearance is not who we are, and a clean house will always need cleaning again.  Practice finding the humor in life's tiny inconveniences and minuscule tragedies.  The next time something unexpected and slightly irritating comes your way, take one long deep breath and then just shake your head and laugh.  Be grateful for the friendly reminder to lighten up your day, and enjoy telling the story with humor to make others laugh too!

Be happy, my friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now: Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

Do You Always Have to Be Right?

“Confidence is not being afraid to share your opinions; Wisdom is not being attached to them.”

~ LB Shannon

It is easy to get caught up in sharing your point of view with others. It’s a natural mode of communication. I share what I think about a subject and you share your thoughts about the subject. This type of communication goes on all day long. While it can be quite pleasant to talk to someone who shares your view, it can be frustrating to talk to someone with an opposing view.

More often than not, unhappy people will hold on to their opinions to the point of arguing. They would rather be right than let it go. They have convinced themselves that if they can’t get others to agree with them, they feel that their point of view is being threatened.

Agreement from other people is not necessary. Believe what you like, and let others do the same. Overly opinionated people haven’t learned that when others have an opinion that may be different from theirs, it is the other person’s right. They also haven’t learned that it is perfectly normal for other people to have varying opinions about many aspects of life. This type of closed-minded approach to communication can result in pompous thoughts of being smarter than the other person: “Obviously they are wrong and are too stupid to see it.” These thoughts of judgment, the aggravation, the bitterness that can arise from these confrontations is all because they had to show everyone that they were right. It was more important to be right than to be happy.

So how can we interact with others who have conflicting points of view from our own without conflict arising? It starts with being flexible with our own beliefs. Listen to their opinions. Ask questions like “Why do you think that is?” or “Where did you learn that?” The second key to interacting with opposing viewpoints is to understand that it is not always necessary to share your opposing thoughts. It isn’t your job to teach everyone around you to see things like you do. It’s okay to allow them to think differently than you do.

The most noticeable instances in my life concerning differing opinions are always politics. I’ve reached a point where I no longer put my two cents in these conversations. People are entitled to see the world from varying points of view, as each of us is unique in our perspective and life experiences. By not attempting to invalidate other’s opinions, I maintain peace of mind among some very opinionated people. Sometimes I even listen and ask questions so that I can begin to understand why they see the world the way they do.

Example #1:

Joe: “I think the moon is a spaceship for Martians.”

Mark: “That’s an interesting point of view! What makes you think that?”

Joe: “My grandfather told me when I was young.”

Mark: “Your grandfather sounds like an interesting guy. What else did he teach you?”

In this example, Joe shared an unpopular point of view about the moon. Instead of attempting to dispel Joe’s belief, or belittle him for his belief, Mark chose not to challenge the point of view that the moon is a spaceship. Mark asked for more information about Joe’s belief, which showed interest and also revealed the root of Joe’s odd belief. When Mark heard that Joe’s grandfather told him that the moon was a spaceship, he steered the conversation toward the grandfather. This technique of redirecting conversations is a useful tool for avoiding heated discussions when you come across a potential conflict of opinion.

Example #2:

Jane: “I can’t believe you are still married to John after he cheated on you again!”

Mary: “It’s understandable why you would feel that way. So how’s the new job going?”

In this example, Jane shared her unsolicited opinion about Mary’s marriage. Mary, in an attempt to avoid the subject, validated Jane’s right to her opinion but neither agreed nor disagreed. Instead, she changed the subject. Mary knew that it wasn’t necessary for her to defend her personal choices. She let Jane’s comment go, not choosing to start a debate on the subject of marriage and infidelity.

It’s not necessary to validate your actions and viewpoints to others. Be confident in your life choices and beliefs, but be willing to hear different points of view.

Lesson :

It is unnecessary to defend your point of view. Allow others the right to have their own opinions.

Exercises:

Ponder these questions. Be honest with yourself.

• Do you take yourself so serious that when you meet people with a difference of opinion you feel the need to set them straight?
• Do you feel irritated or even threatened by listening to opposing points of view?
• Is it your job to teach everyone to think like you do?  

The next time someone shares an opinion or suggests an idea that is different from your own, see if you can resist the urge to share your point of view or push your own agenda. This exercise can be as simple as not being a backseat driver when someone else is driving or as challenging as listening to someone with a completely different political viewpoint.

Be aware of how it feels to rein in your ego. The uneasiness you feel is your ego fighting for control. As you practice ego awareness, it will become easier to recognize the ego’s controlling manipulations and easier to ignore it. When you can come to a point of humility, not always having to prove your opinions and allowing others to have alternate views, it brings more peace to relationships and to your own mind.

Practice being an observer or a listener without getting into debates. Make an effort to hold your tongue without putting in your two-cents point of view, even if you think they are totally wrong. This is a valuable skill that will provide much less drama in your life.

You Are the Narrator of Your Life

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Your story is what you tell yourself and others about your life. We do this all the time when we meet new people. The longer we know them, the more we fill in our life story with whole chapters and characters we have met. The key is to know that you are telling the story, so you have the power to change the viewpoint of the narration.

You are the narrator of your life. Begin watching how you talk about yourself. Your every word defines who you want the world to see and reinforces how you think of yourself. If you keep the narration focused on unlimited potential for the future, lessons from past adversity, appreciation for the people who come and go, and gratitude for life itself, you will not only enjoy life more, you will be a joy to be around. Be a light in your own life, be your own best cheerleader, and watch your life be transformed.

Is your story one of being a victim of circumstance, or is it one of triumph through adversity? Recognize that either version of the story is just a different perspective of the same past events. For example, I could tell my story from a negative point of view …

I became physically and mentally disabled in my late twenties and early thirties. I went through an emotionally crushing divorce in that same time period. My condition eventually required brain surgery when I was thirty-three. One month before the brain surgery, my eleven-year-old daughter was tragically killed in an accident because some jerk cut them off on the highway. My life has been destroyed by things out of my control. How can I ever be happy? I have to deal with disabling health issues every day, which further makes my life sad and depressing. Life sucks!

This is a Woe is me! type story of victimization.

Or I can tell my story with positive passion …

Many years ago, I went through some emotional and physical trauma. These events provided an atmosphere of deep introspection of life and were a catalyst for self-transformation. I learned that I can be happy no matter what my past was, my current life circumstances are, or whatever the future holds. I am grateful for my past, because it has given me the opportunity to grow into who I am today.

This is a Life is good! type story.

It is important to understand that both versions of the story are just different perspectives of the same past events. The past hasn’t changed; the way I look at it has changed. What I choose to emphasize has changed. This switch from a negative perspective into a positive one changed my life.

The choice in how you see and tell your story will affect your self-image and how others see you. Don’t play the victim in your life story, and you won’t feel like a victim.

Today ask yourself, “What’s my story?” If you don’t like the story, then change it. Don’t fabricate lies, just re-frame how you describe past events and who you are. If you had past adversity or tragedy, begin to speak only of the lessons you have learned. Don’t focus on the pain. Focus on how you used the experience to grow as a person or how you learned more about yourself and life. If you can’t quite tell it in a positive fashion yet, then do not tell it at all! You write your own story. Make it a happy one.

Lesson #12:

You are the narrator of your life story. Make it a happy one!

Exercises:

Take time to sit down and rewrite your life story. It may take many rewrites before you eliminate all of the negative narration that you have been accustomed to telling yourself and others. At least start with one happier, more positive version of your story. You will be able to rewrite it as often and as much as you desire. There are numerous ways to tell any story. Make yours a happy one, even if you don’t believe it yet. Until you rewrite your life story into a happy one, refrain from telling it.

Watch how you talk about yourself and what you say about your life story. Story lines to avoid are the following:

“I can’t do that.”

“I’m not good at ____”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I feel like a victim of life circumstances.”

“I feel like a victim of past events.”

“Life is difficult.”

“I’ll never be happy because ____.”

“I’ll be happy when ______.”

You get the idea. Watch what you say about yourself and your life. Argue for your limitations, and you will always be right. Tell stories of victimization, and you play the part of victim.

Begin to use story lines that cast you as the hero.

“I learned so much going through _________. I am truly grateful for the experience.”

“Going through the loss of __________ really taught me how I should never take things for granted.”

“I learned that I can grow stronger through adversity.”

“I am not afraid to follow my dreams, because I know that failure is just a step on the path and another notch in my belt of experience.”

“I know I can be happy no matter what happens in my life.”

“Life is good!”

“I chose not to see myself as a victim of past circumstances but a student of life. If I didn’t learn something, then that would be a real tragedy.”

You are the narrator and the director and can cast yourself as any part you wish in your life story.

Advanced Exercise:

Moving beyond Your Story

Who would you be without your story? When you define yourself by your life story, you are still limiting yourself. You are more than your past, no matter how delightful, painful, exciting, or dramatic it has been. You are just a character in the story, not the story itself. It can be tempting, when people ask who you are, to start telling your life story. The next time someone asks you to share about yourself, tell them your dreams, your values, and what sparks your passion. It’s not who you were yesterday that matters; it’s who you choose to be now and tomorrow.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now:  Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

Buy Book Now:   http://tinyurl.com/7nmfzpc 

When Your Cup Is Full~ Stop Pouring!

Do you try to do more than you can handle?

Time is a strange concept. It seems that most people live according to some sort of time schedule, usually attempting to squeeze in more time than there is. They say things like, “I don’t have time” or “I wish there was more time.”The problem isn’t the amount of time in a day. Everyone has the same amount of time. The problem arises when people either agree to do too much because they have taken on more than they can handle or they don’t schedule enough, not making the time for what is important to them.

Do you take on more than you can handle and then feel stressed? Do you have a problem saying “No” or try to please everyone all the time? Trying to do more than you can handle is like pouring hot coffee into a cup that is already full. If you keep pouring, it will burn you. It’s all right to pace yourself, choosing to do what is important to you and not committing to everyone and everything that vies for your attention. Remember that if you are overworked and overstressed, then you won’t be much good to anyone. Practice setting boundaries and limits on how many things you schedule, and then you will have time to drink that cup of coffee!

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”

~ Stephen Covey

Take a look at your life. Is it over scheduled with activities to the point where you feel that you don’t have time for self-improvement, creative endeavors, or quality time with loved ones? If you make a list of the top five priorities in your life, do you make time to attend to them? Decide what is important, schedule it, and then schedule the rest. You will be surprised at how much your life will be enhanced when you focus on what is truly important to you.

I periodically reevaluate my life and make a list of the five most important things to me. Right now, it’s peace of mind, relationships, my dogs, writing, and spirituality. Because these things are a priority to me, I make time for them first. Then I schedule everything else. As time goes on, the priorities will change and so will my schedule of activities. It is impossible to do everything and be there for everyone all the time. You must become aware of your limitations, scheduling no more than you can comfortably handle. If you over-schedule, you will become tired and stressed, which makes everything in life less enjoyable. When you get so caught up in the multitude of activities that you have committed to, you may end up neglecting what is most important to you.

Lesson:

When your cup is full, stop pouring!

Exercise:

Evaluate your schedule, and ask yourself, “What is important to me?” Make time for what matters most to you, and then schedule the rest. If a relationship is important, then schedule quality time together. If it’s your health, then schedule regular exercise routines and plan a healthy meal schedule. When you focus on what is important to you, you will feel at peace with your life and how you spend your time.

Do not take on more than you can handle in a balanced way. Taking on too much creates stress and imbalance in the rest of your life. Practice saying “No” when necessary.

Become aware of what is important to you, then make time for your priorities. Let the rest of your life be balanced with other activities that you have agreed to, but never more than you can comfortably handle.

What's Your Input?

(image leggnet.com)

Honestly evaluate what you feed your mind everyday.  Every source of input you allow into your mind will become a seed of thought.  That is how advertising works. They bombard you with the same ads over and over until you are brain washed into buying their product.  Life in general is the same way, filled with sensory input, which when focused on over and over will sway your thoughts which in turn affects your moods.  What you choose to pay attention to feeds your mind.  If you are feeding it an over abundance of pointless drama (reality TV), negativity (gossip), and meaningless distractions (video games) then the result will be a life of drama, negativity, and meaninglessness.  

Be aware that what you watch on TV, what you spend your time talking about, and what types of posts you allow in your Facebook news feed, will have an overall effect on your mental state of mind. If you watch horror TV (too much news, shows with violence) you are filling your mind with images and drama that may come back to haunt you with unhappy trains of thought. If you get involved with gossipy conversations, those drama filled thoughts will be circling around in your head, urging you to share the gossip with others. If your Facebook news feed is filled with people who post negative content on a regular basis, such as complaining about life or other people, this will disturb your peace of mind. 

It is easier to regulate what you are feeding your mind, than to eliminate the unhappy or disturbing thoughts once they have been put in there.

You are in control of what you feed your mind. If you want to be happier and enjoy a life of meaning then begin feeding your spirit with more uplifting input.  Forget reality TV and come back to your own reality.  Take time to see and hear your natural environment.  Pay attention to the people in the room with you. Turn off the TV and computer, make plans with people you enjoy being around, laugh until it hurts your cheeks, and make some happy memories. Start on a diet of positivity and you will see amazing results.

So, what's your input?

Beware of the Green Eyed Monster

Jealous trains of thought lead directly to discontent, hatred, and insecurity.  When we allow ourselves to indulge in these type of thoughts we are weakening our sense of self worth.  There will always be someone better off than you are in good fortune, financial status, physical appearance, intelligence, or some other trait that you wish you had.  This recognition of the fact that people are different, that everyone has their own set of strong points will cause jealousy or envy if you don't balance the recognition that everyone also has their challenges, weaknesses, and personal demons too.  The next time you find yourself wishing you were someone else, or could experience their most desirable trait, remind yourself that no one is perfect.  The grass isn't greener in their life, unless you are overlooking their weeds.  

A healthier way to think about the traits we desire in others is to make a point to work on those traits ourselves, to let them be an inspiration for personal growth.  Let your envy turn into admiration.  

Be happy, my Friends,

Laura barrette Shannon

The Little Fears Will Destroy You

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." ~Master Yoda~

Be aware of your fears, face them with courage, for it is not that which you are afraid of that will destroy you, it is the fear itself that has that power. It isn't always the big fears that destroy our peace of mind, it is usually the little fears, called "worries" that bring us suffering.

What are you worried about? Being in the mindset of "what could go wrong" can work to your advantage if you allow it to push you to be prepared with a plan "B", or to take proactive steps to insure undesired outcomes are averted. In contrast, excessive worrying about things you have no control over will disturb your peace of mind.

Learn to distinguish between the two types of worries If you can take action to prevent an undesirable outcome, then be proactive or plan as you deem necessary. Then let the thoughts go, by reminding yourself that you have done what you can do and are prepared for whatever the future unfolds. If you have no control over what you may imagine happening, then there is no need to waste your mental energy upsetting yourself. Use whatever methods you find work for you to jump off of the worry train of thought. Being aware when you are caught up in worrying is one step closer to stopping it.

Lesson:

Worrying is a waste of mental energy and destroys peace of mind.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of when your mind wanders onto worries. When you are worrying take appropriate action if possible to aleviate the worry. If the situation you are worried about is out of your control then jump off the worry train of thought. Take a slow deep breath and refocus your mind on being present or more uplifting trains of thought. The more you practice not worrying the less apt you will be to focus on things out of your control. All thoughts feed on attention. Don't feed worries and they go away.

Everyone Has Their Own Garden (Weeding 101)

So far we’ve learned that life is like a flower garden, and we are the one’s who plant the seeds.  We either unconsciously let the garden get overrun with weeds of dissatisfaction or we can consciously take control of our garden, planting beautiful flowers of happiness.  We’ve practiced changing the way we respond to life and gained awareness of how our thoughts and attention can be used as a tool for creating a life of joy and peace.

The next step involves exploring the concept that everyone has their own separate flower garden.  Each garden is as personal as the person who tends it.  Not everyone’s garden will be a floral work of art.  As a matter of fact, most people’s gardens are filled with weeds of unhappiness, choking the life out of a few happy moments in their life..

One of the most challenging aspects of owning a garden is keeping out the weeds.  When people who have neglected their garden interact with others, they spread their weeds.  This is not intentional.  This is never personal.  They are not trying to ruin your happy state of being.  They aren’t even aware that they have a garden, or that they should pay attention to it.  They believe that life is filled with unhappy events, that some days are good and some days are bad, and that they have no control over any of it.  They have learned to focus on the unhappy events and to share them repeatedly throughout the day.    

You can’t change people. Their weeds have been building up over a lifetime and actually the only one who is capable of weeding is the one who owns the garden.  Even though you can’t change people you can change how you respond to them.  When someone is taking their frustrations out on you, Instead of re-acting, being upset yourself, you can choose to act with awareness.  Your response may be to just ignore the comment, it might be to respond in a positive way, or it might be just telling them you don’t want to hear about it.  Take a moment to have compassion on them, because they are filled with unhappiness in that moment.  See them for what they are;  unhappy people just letting off steam.  It’s never personal.

When people say negative things to you, you can make sure they don’t take root in your garden.  To do this you have to realize that what people say and do are a result of their own state mind at the time.  It actually doesn’t have anything to do with you.  It’s never personal.  When people complain about life  they are just expressing their unhappy thoughts that have built up. The unhappy thoughts germinate into unhappy moods. All the negative thoughts create negative energy that  needs to be discharged.    If we realize that what they are saying isn’t personal, it is just a result of a garden filled with unhappy weeds, then you will see that what they say has nothing to do with you.  It is no more personal than if your neighbor's dandelion seeds spread onto your lawn at home.

It is very important not to let those weeds germinate in your garden. You won’t be able to keep the weeds from spreading to your garden if you allow them to take seed.  The first step is to be aware when the weeds are blowing your way.  Once you notice them, you will be able to change the flow of the wind so that they just fly past your garden.

So what are these weeds that people blow our way every day?  It’s all the negative things people say to you.  It’s listening to their complaints. It’s when your spouse snaps at you because he can’t find his keys.  It’s your boss yelling at you because she’s in a bad mood.  It’s the guy who just cut you off in traffic and then beeped at you like it was your fault.  It’s your Mom when she comes home in a bad mood and starts in on you because your homework isn’t done.  It’s all the negatively charged emotions that are verbalized at you all day.

Lesson:

Everyone has their own garden, some are full of the weeds of stress and unhappiness.  Don’t let other people’s weeds take root in your garden!

Exercise:

This week bring your attention to your interactions with people.  If they try to spread their unhappiness with you, respond with awareness instead of re-act. Take a breathe, and bring your full attention on remaining calm. When you see the weeds blowing your way, see them for what they are.  Remind yourself that it isn’t personal.  They are just expressing their unhappiness.  Keep your focus on having compassion for them, because they are suffering from their own bad mood.  Let those weeds fly right by your beautiful flower garden, and go about your day as if it never happened.

If you find yourself becoming upset, and repeating the negative interaction over and over in your mind, then the weed has taken root.  It’s not too late.  When you notice that your mind is dwelling on negative thoughts, the sooner you stop it the easier it will be to uproot.  Gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Take a deep breath and pay attention to where you are now, what you are doing now. Bring your full attention to whatever you are doing in the moment. Each time the negative train of thought comes to mind, don't pay attention to it. Let it flow right through. Do not jump on any train of thought that will bring you to an unhappy destination. The more you practice this, the easier it will be to let the thoughts flow with out getting your attention hooked. Again, don't judge your efforts. It took a lifetime to build the habit of jumping on every train of thought without question. It will take some time to break the habit. Every tiny bit of awareness that you bring to this endeavor will pay off.

Acceptance Is a Seed of Happiness

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference. 

One of the most essential seeds to plant in any garden of happiness is acceptance.  When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent.  You’ve probably heard the saying, “It is what it is.”  When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them.  Living with acceptance doesn’t mean that you condone the imperfections of this world, it means that you have chosen to see beyond them in order to allow yourself to enjoy life. 

Acceptance is a fundamental key to happiness. When we admit that sometimes life involves events that we can't control, we plant the seed of acceptance. Realize that accepting something doesn't necessarily mean that you like what happened, it is admitting that "it is what it is" and releasing the thoughts of wishing it had been different. You can never change the past, but you can move forward without fighting it. The first step is to be willing to let it go.

When you allow yourself to get caught up in conversations that are based in negativity, you are filling your mind with seeds of misery. Be aware of focusing too much on what's wrong with the world. When you focus on obstacles and problems you fail to see solutions. Happy people look beyond life's imperfections, not talk about them all day.

Now that you’ve awakened your ability to be present at will and know that you can be happy Now,  your ready to begin planting new seeds of joy.  In lesson previous lessons, you learned that you can control your attention.  You successfully practiced focusing your attention and actively engaging the present moment.  This may seem like a small accomplishment and you are probably wondering how being present will help to transform your life.  It’s simple: The more you practice being present and being aware of your thoughts, the easier it will be to focus your attention.

When you learn to focus your attention at will you’ll be able to steer your trains of thought toward more desirable emotions.  Thus, by directing your attention, you have unlocked the door to happiness.  Happy people have learned to do this, even if they don’t know what they are doing.  Happy people focus on their flower garden;  they pay attention to and nurture the seeds of happiness and do not allow weeds into their garden.

Lesson:

Acceptance is an essential seed of happiness.

Exercise:

Is there something you feel you can not accept? Is it something that you can change? If it is beyond your scope of influence, then it is something that you either must come to accept, or continue letting the thoughts of unacceptance cause you misery.

Become aware of any issues you may have with acceptance. When you find something that is troubling you that you have no control over, plant new seeds of acceptance by repeating:

 “I may not like _______, but since there is nothing I can do about it I choose to let these thoughts go.” 

 The more awareness you bring to this issue, the quicker you will be able to stop riding these disturbing trains of thought. Eventually they will come less and less. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to accept that life won't always be what you think it should be.

Be Happy, my Friends-

Laura barrette Shannon

Are You Lonely?

(image zoomcatch.com)

ARE YOU LONELY? You can be in a crowded room or in multiple close relationships and still feel lonely. Don't confuse being alone with being lonely. It is when we have learned to be our own best friend that we banish thoughts of loneliness. Recognize loneliness as a reminder that we have to reclaim our innate wholeness, not to look for completion in another. No one can complete you, or take away your feelings of loneliness. The void you may feel in your heart is because you haven't embraced your own perfection. When you embrace all that you are, loving yourself with all of your heart, it is an act of personal healing and a step toward feeling whole.
Begin to take steps to reclaim yourself. It takes time and effort, as it did to lose yourself in the first place. It starts with self awareness, getting to really know who you are and what might be being suppressed within yourself. Everyone's journey of self awareness is as individual as they are. For me, daily affirmations helped remind me of my innate self worth. Also, being true to myself and following my dreams helped. Redrawing boundaries with others or eliminating some unhealthy relationships was also a part of it. Basically, it is embracing who you are, and gaining the feeling of self worth and self love. In reality, it is as easy or as challenging as you believe it to be. Set the intent to reclaim your wholeness, and then do the work to find yourself. Self awareness is the key.
 Reclaim your wholeness and never be lonely again!

~Laura Barrette Shannon
Be Happy, my Friends! :)

Forgiveness Is a One Person Act

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewis Smedes

Who do you need to forgive in order to release yourself from the prison of repetitive emotional pain? How long will you hold onto this pain, like a deluded victim clinging to the knife that stabs them, pretending that you aren't the one holding the knife? Forgiving is a one person act. It never has anything to do with the person we hold resentment or anger toward. It has to do with the attachment to the anger and resentment within ourselves. Release the desire to justify holding onto the emotional pain and it loses its attraction. Then you can see it for what it is, a destructive train of thought. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. It is not condoning whatever actions or words hurt you. It is making a decision not to let the event keep hurting you over and over. It is an act of self healing. By releasing the thoughts of resentment and anger we release our attachment to suffering.

Some people think that you shouldn't forgive someone unless they deserve to be forgiven.  This is not being fair to yourself. You are the one who deserves to be free of this heavy weight.  If you think you need to wait until the other person apologizes or somehow repents, you have given them the power over your suffering. Don't let others control your emotions. You are responsible for how you respond to people and events in life. You are the only one who can end this suffering. You are not doing them a favor by forgiving, you are releasing yourself from the bondage they hold over you. The act of forgiveness releases you from the repetitive thoughts of being a victim.  You may have been a victim once, but until you forgive and let those thoughts of resentment go, you will be a victim of this emotional suffering again and again. 

Once you forgive a person, it does not mean that you should allow the same situation to repeat itself.  Just because you have forgiven something does not mean it is okay to allow it to happen again. Be forgiving in nature but be wise in your decisions to interact with others by not playing a fool.  Forgiving doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship should return to what it was. Sometime it will be even better, sometimes it will change as new boundaries are set, and sometimes it completely ends. No matter how the relationship changes, the important part is that you aren't suffering with anger and resentment anymore.

The act of forgiveness may take time, so be gentle with yourself as you move toward freeing yourself from this dark prison.

Laura Barrette Shannon

Think Before You Speak

(image from visuallyinsightful.blogspot.com)

Watch how you talk about yourself.  When you repeat stories of being a victim, express self effacing comments, or other self limiting statements about your life, you are giving away your personal power and playing the roll of one who is unworthy and unhappy.  If you have nothing nice to say about yourself or your life, then it is better to say nothing at all.  Learn to express your inner light and self worth and you will be amazed at how your moods will be lifted.  Plus, you will be more fun to be around!
Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

Take the Happiness Challenge!

(image from happyxyz.blogspot.com)

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE: This week, when a stressful situation arises, take a slow deep breath and make an effort to focus your attention on being present. This will give you time to choose to act with awareness instead of reacting to all the little things that happen in a day. Really make an effort to stop complaining out loud. Negative thoughts may still arise in your mind, but if you have eno...ugh awareness to stop those negative thoughts from being spoken, then you are making progress. Eventually, with practice it will become easier and easier to let those negative thoughts flow through your mind before they grab your attention and irritate you.
Don’t judge your efforts. Even if you can not catch yourself before you complain, but do have enough awareness to notice it after you said it, you are making a step toward being a happier person. With enough practice you will begin to raise your level of awareness which will enable you to respond positively instead of negatively to life.
Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

"Where did you put my _____?!!

(image from sillyandseriousgirltalk.blogspot.com)

"WHERE DID YOU PUT MY ____!?" Does this sound familiar? One person gets frustrated because they can't find something, then starts yelling at another to release the anger by blaming them. The important thing is to bring awareness into the situation. If you are the one who is frustrated, as soon as you are aware of your irritation, take a few deep breaths, and then nicely ask for help finding y...our item. If you are the one being yelled at, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that it isn't personal, and offer to help without arguing back. It is challenging on both ends, because it is most likely a repetitive behavior on both parts. Either way, it is a wonderful opportunity to practice self control and awareness. Which ever part you play, do not let it spiral into an argument. This may seem trivial, but I assure you that it is in conquering the small challenges in life you will gain the most personal power and happiness.
Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

Tell Me about Yourself

WHO would you be without your story? When you define yourself by your life story you are limiting yourself. You are more than your past, no matter how delightful, painful, exciting, or dramatic it has been, you are just a character in the story, not the story itself. It can be tempting, when people ask who you are, to start telling your life story. The next time someone asks you to share about yourself, tell them your dreams, your values, what sparks your passion. It's not who you were yesterday that matters, it's who you choose to be now and tomorrow.

Be Happy My Friends-
Laura Barrette Shannon

 

Facebook Awareness

What you post affects the world.

For those of you who use Facebook,  what you share on your page is spread to all of your friend's news feeds.  I'm sure that most of you realize this.  But are you aware of the impact of what you post for those who read it?  Before you decide to share something with the world, ask yourself a few questions:
Is it positive?  Will this post plant seeds of happiness or seeds of drama and stress?  Will this post possibly be upsetting to some people?  Is this the affect I want to be in the world?  How does this post make others see me? What you put out on the internet is amplified much more than just telling one person.  Would you feel comfortable saying the same thing in a mass e-mail to your friends? Would you put it on a sign in front of your house?  Why or why not?  The affect is the same- mass amplification of your message.
Some of the negative posts I've seen on my own news feed were basically rants of people who are upset at the moment and post about it. This type of activity only increases the drama of the situation by pulling so many more people into it.  
If we only knew the dramatic impact we have on all the people who read our posts, would we be more cautious about spreading drama and negativity?  Raise your awareness, and be the change you want to see in the world.
Be happy, my Friends-
Laura

Ego Awareness

EGO AWARENESS- The next time someone shares an opinion or suggests an idea that is different from your own, see if you can resist the urge to share your point of view or push your own agenda. This exercise can be as simple as not being a back seat driver when someone else is driving, or as challenging as listening to someone with a completely different political viewpoint.

 Be aware of how it feels to rein in your ego. The uneasiness you feel is your ego fighting for control. As you practice ego awareness it will become easier to recognize the ego's controlling manipulations and easier to ignore it. When we can come to a point of humility, not always having to prove our opinions, allowing others to have alternate views, it brings more peace to relationships and to our own mind.
Be Aware, and Be Happy, my Friends-
Laura barrette Shannon

Are Your Ripples Positive?

Like a pebble dropped into a pond
our lives affect many, today and beyond,
causing ripples with what we say
in those we touch throughout the day.
One kind word or action well done
can change the world for someone.
Our thoughts, opinions, and attitudes
are absorbed by all, influencing moods.
Never underestimate the power of words,
'cause what is said is always heard,
rippling waves through space and time,
so keep speech positive and actions kind.

"Rippling Waves" from Awakening Perception

 Everyday we start ripples that affect more people than we will ever know. Please make your ripples something you want amplified, because they are.What are you amplifying to the world today?

Be Happy, my Friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon