How Well Do You Know Yourself?

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Know thyself.” ~ Socrates

Self-awareness is the cornerstone to transformation. If you do not understand yourself, how can you change?
One easy way to increase your self-awareness is to put yourself into an observational mode by watching how you usually react to people and situations. Bring your awareness into an observational mode by paying attention to your patterns of being and questioning your thoughts and behavior. You can then assess your behavior. Distinguish if the way you are acting is in alignment with who you desire to be. Do certain people seem to upset you or cause you to feel stressed? Discover what it is that you are thinking around them. Watch yourself and you will find out what situations push you into automatic reactions. Once you can recognize these situations, the mere fact of recognizing them brings a state of higher awareness. Then you will have the power to be however you choose to be instead of driving on impulse.
You may be surprised to find that when you come from a place of reaction, you are not in alignment with how you would choose to respond if you had given the situation a moment of thought. Once you have attained this watcher awareness, you will have the power to respond to life instead of operating with your automatic default reactions. Remember your A, B, Cs of responding to life: Awareness, Breathe, Choose. Then you can choose love over fear, peace over conflict, and happiness over despair.

Lesson :

Watching how you interact in the world raises your self-awareness.
Exercise:

Practice observing yourself. Learn to shift your awareness as necessary. When you are watching yourself, you are in a state of higher awareness. In this mode of consciousness, you will be open to new types of behavior as well as increasing self-awareness.

SELF AWARENESS EXERCISE: Become aware of what you say to people, how you say it, and why you say it.

*** Are you speaking just to fill the silence?

*** Do you try to steer the conversations back to you when someone is sharing something about themselves?

*** What emotion is projected with your words? (Kindness, sarcasm, curiosity, judgement, love, etc.)

*** Are you saying things that you think the other person wants you to say?

*** If you are sharing an opinion or a fact, are you projecting that you know better than them (being condescending).

The better you know yourself, and recognizing your patterns of communication, the more power you will have to practice shifting communications toward kindness, openness, and listening more than you speak. This will help eliminate drama and build better relationships.

Don’t judge your efforts. Any amount of attention you give to this practice will enhance your ability to move into higher awareness at will. Have fun with this exercise. You will learn things you never knew about yourself, I always do.

Do You Love Yourself?

If you don't love and respect yourself, you are setting yourself up for heart ache, being used, and thoughts of self judgement.  Self love is not selfish.  Self love is fundamental to psychological well being.  It is the foundation of a loving heart.  If you do not love yourself, you will have a skewed vision of love, often seeking to fill the void you feel with someone else.


Don't confuse the desire to share your time and love with another, with the need to complete yourself or feel whole. When people convince themselves that they are incomplete with out being with another person they are deluding themselves into thinking that somehow another person can make them feel whole. No one can make you feel happy or whole. These are feelings that can only come from within your own heart. 


Sure, a new love will provide feelings of elation and a temporary feeling of fulfillment, but as the newness wears off in the relationship, so will the feeling of completeness, unless you have learned to love yourself. The void you may feel in your heart is because you haven't embraced your own perfection. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, and then you will be offering a complete person with a whole heart to the relationship.


It can be challenging to overcome a lifetime of self judgement.  Be gentle with yourself.  I use a positive affirmation every morning to remind myself that, "I AM healthy, happy and whole."  Whenever I feel self doubt, I repeat this phrase a few times.  It may sound like it won't make a difference, but I assure you that it will.  Loving yourself first is a fundamental step to being happy.  


 Namaste-


 Laura Barrette Shannon 

Do You Always Have to Be Right?

“Confidence is not being afraid to share your opinions; Wisdom is not being attached to them.”

~ LB Shannon

It is easy to get caught up in sharing your point of view with others. It’s a natural mode of communication. I share what I think about a subject and you share your thoughts about the subject. This type of communication goes on all day long. While it can be quite pleasant to talk to someone who shares your view, it can be frustrating to talk to someone with an opposing view.

More often than not, unhappy people will hold on to their opinions to the point of arguing. They would rather be right than let it go. They have convinced themselves that if they can’t get others to agree with them, they feel that their point of view is being threatened.

Agreement from other people is not necessary. Believe what you like, and let others do the same. Overly opinionated people haven’t learned that when others have an opinion that may be different from theirs, it is the other person’s right. They also haven’t learned that it is perfectly normal for other people to have varying opinions about many aspects of life. This type of closed-minded approach to communication can result in pompous thoughts of being smarter than the other person: “Obviously they are wrong and are too stupid to see it.” These thoughts of judgment, the aggravation, the bitterness that can arise from these confrontations is all because they had to show everyone that they were right. It was more important to be right than to be happy.

So how can we interact with others who have conflicting points of view from our own without conflict arising? It starts with being flexible with our own beliefs. Listen to their opinions. Ask questions like “Why do you think that is?” or “Where did you learn that?” The second key to interacting with opposing viewpoints is to understand that it is not always necessary to share your opposing thoughts. It isn’t your job to teach everyone around you to see things like you do. It’s okay to allow them to think differently than you do.

The most noticeable instances in my life concerning differing opinions are always politics. I’ve reached a point where I no longer put my two cents in these conversations. People are entitled to see the world from varying points of view, as each of us is unique in our perspective and life experiences. By not attempting to invalidate other’s opinions, I maintain peace of mind among some very opinionated people. Sometimes I even listen and ask questions so that I can begin to understand why they see the world the way they do.

Example #1:

Joe: “I think the moon is a spaceship for Martians.”

Mark: “That’s an interesting point of view! What makes you think that?”

Joe: “My grandfather told me when I was young.”

Mark: “Your grandfather sounds like an interesting guy. What else did he teach you?”

In this example, Joe shared an unpopular point of view about the moon. Instead of attempting to dispel Joe’s belief, or belittle him for his belief, Mark chose not to challenge the point of view that the moon is a spaceship. Mark asked for more information about Joe’s belief, which showed interest and also revealed the root of Joe’s odd belief. When Mark heard that Joe’s grandfather told him that the moon was a spaceship, he steered the conversation toward the grandfather. This technique of redirecting conversations is a useful tool for avoiding heated discussions when you come across a potential conflict of opinion.

Example #2:

Jane: “I can’t believe you are still married to John after he cheated on you again!”

Mary: “It’s understandable why you would feel that way. So how’s the new job going?”

In this example, Jane shared her unsolicited opinion about Mary’s marriage. Mary, in an attempt to avoid the subject, validated Jane’s right to her opinion but neither agreed nor disagreed. Instead, she changed the subject. Mary knew that it wasn’t necessary for her to defend her personal choices. She let Jane’s comment go, not choosing to start a debate on the subject of marriage and infidelity.

It’s not necessary to validate your actions and viewpoints to others. Be confident in your life choices and beliefs, but be willing to hear different points of view.

Lesson :

It is unnecessary to defend your point of view. Allow others the right to have their own opinions.

Exercises:

Ponder these questions. Be honest with yourself.

• Do you take yourself so serious that when you meet people with a difference of opinion you feel the need to set them straight?
• Do you feel irritated or even threatened by listening to opposing points of view?
• Is it your job to teach everyone to think like you do?  

The next time someone shares an opinion or suggests an idea that is different from your own, see if you can resist the urge to share your point of view or push your own agenda. This exercise can be as simple as not being a backseat driver when someone else is driving or as challenging as listening to someone with a completely different political viewpoint.

Be aware of how it feels to rein in your ego. The uneasiness you feel is your ego fighting for control. As you practice ego awareness, it will become easier to recognize the ego’s controlling manipulations and easier to ignore it. When you can come to a point of humility, not always having to prove your opinions and allowing others to have alternate views, it brings more peace to relationships and to your own mind.

Practice being an observer or a listener without getting into debates. Make an effort to hold your tongue without putting in your two-cents point of view, even if you think they are totally wrong. This is a valuable skill that will provide much less drama in your life.

Going with the Flow

“Cling not to the withered flowers of life. Keep only the memory of their beauty in their prime." ~ LB Shannon

Learning to flow with life is an important aspect to being happy.

Each of us must learn to let go of anything, any habit, or anyone that no longer is in alignment with our innermost sense of being. Some things, situations, or people are purposeful for a time and then the cycle comes to an end. Just because it ends does not negate the meaning of what it was in its time, just as a beautiful annual flower will fade, yet the memory of the beauty is what remains. And yet, even in death, flowers leave seeds for new growth. Such is the rhythm of life. People come and people go. This moment is here, and then it is gone.

We live in a dynamic universe where nothing ever stays the same. Life is never static; it’s continually flowing with ups and downs like the ocean tides. When we fight the nature of these tides, we cause undue stress within our minds. Enjoy living in the present as it is, but don’t get too attached to it, because life will be different soon enough. By riding on top of the waves instead of being swept up in the middle of them, we have the ability to steer ourselves along the wave. Learn to flow with the waves of life by riding the extremes with awareness and acceptance, or those waves will knock you down for sure.

Besides the tides of life, there is always an overall current that pushes you along. Learn to flow with life like water in a river. When rocks appear, effortlessly flow around the obstacles without even slowing down. The only dams you will encounter are the ones you build yourself: attempting to move against the current (trying to move backwards), getting stuck in a whirlpool (repeating the same mistakes over and over), or attempting to run off course (moving away from your authentic self). These movements are unnatural and filled with resistance. If you feel like your natural flow is off track, ask yourself if you are causing this resistance by choosing not to flow with life.

Remember to flow with the unexpected and enjoy the journey. After all, detours in life are the seeds of good stories!

Lesson:

Flow with life’s tides and currents.

Exercise:

Practice flowing with the unexpected. Embrace life’s detours. Detours aren’t running off course. They are following the natural path of life, winding in unforeseen directions but still going with the flow. We can’t always see every turn coming up, but we can enjoy the journey as life takes us through a different territory.

If you are someone who feels the tides of life as they rise high and fall low, be aware that they never stay high or low. It’s just a matter of riding the tide with awareness. Don’t let the low tides draw you down with them.

When you feel caught up in a low tide of your life, repeat this affirmation: “Today I release the withered flowers of my past, looking back on only their beauty and perfection, allowing me to focus on the seeds of new growth.”

Stay aware and be patient, and your high tide will soon come.

Laura Barrette Shannon

author of Be Happy Now:  Simple Steps for Enjoying Life

buy book here: http://www.amazon.com/Be-Happy-Now-Simple-Enjoying/dp/1452548005/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

Respect Yourself- Set Boundaries

“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person, or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.” ~ Plato

Do you have trouble setting boundaries? In any relationship (whether it is with family, spouse, or friends), it is our responsibility to set the boundaries of how we allow others to treat us. It is not their fault if we allow them to use us, verbally abuse us, or take without ever giving back. Loving people does not mean you need to let them use you or hurt you emotionally or physically. If there are people in your life that you feel are treating you with disrespect or using you, you need to reset the boundaries. Learn to say, “No.” People only treat us as bad as we allow.

You can love someone without letting him or her in the inner circle of your life. The inner circle should be reserved for those who love and support you. Your presence and companionship are gifts. You are the one who decides who to give them to. You can’t change people, but you can change how you interact with them.

Lesson:

It is your responsibility to set the boundaries of how you allow other people to treat you.

Exercise:

Do you feel like someone is using you? Evaluate the situation to see if you have been allowing this behavior. Do you need to establish boundaries or reset current boundaries? Realize that if you have agreed to certain behavior, then no one is using you. Your time and attention are yours to decide who you give them to. You are not being used unless you have agreed to be used.

Work on establishing boundaries within your relationships. Remember, people only treat us as bad as we allow them to treat us.


~~~~~
By now you may have heard, the book, Be Happy Now:  Simple Steps for Enjoying Life is now available to buy on your kindle:


http://www.amazon.com/Be-Happy-Now-Enjoying-ebook/dp/B007S0B1N0/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2

When Your Cup Is Full~ Stop Pouring!

Do you try to do more than you can handle?

Time is a strange concept. It seems that most people live according to some sort of time schedule, usually attempting to squeeze in more time than there is. They say things like, “I don’t have time” or “I wish there was more time.”The problem isn’t the amount of time in a day. Everyone has the same amount of time. The problem arises when people either agree to do too much because they have taken on more than they can handle or they don’t schedule enough, not making the time for what is important to them.

Do you take on more than you can handle and then feel stressed? Do you have a problem saying “No” or try to please everyone all the time? Trying to do more than you can handle is like pouring hot coffee into a cup that is already full. If you keep pouring, it will burn you. It’s all right to pace yourself, choosing to do what is important to you and not committing to everyone and everything that vies for your attention. Remember that if you are overworked and overstressed, then you won’t be much good to anyone. Practice setting boundaries and limits on how many things you schedule, and then you will have time to drink that cup of coffee!

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”

~ Stephen Covey

Take a look at your life. Is it over scheduled with activities to the point where you feel that you don’t have time for self-improvement, creative endeavors, or quality time with loved ones? If you make a list of the top five priorities in your life, do you make time to attend to them? Decide what is important, schedule it, and then schedule the rest. You will be surprised at how much your life will be enhanced when you focus on what is truly important to you.

I periodically reevaluate my life and make a list of the five most important things to me. Right now, it’s peace of mind, relationships, my dogs, writing, and spirituality. Because these things are a priority to me, I make time for them first. Then I schedule everything else. As time goes on, the priorities will change and so will my schedule of activities. It is impossible to do everything and be there for everyone all the time. You must become aware of your limitations, scheduling no more than you can comfortably handle. If you over-schedule, you will become tired and stressed, which makes everything in life less enjoyable. When you get so caught up in the multitude of activities that you have committed to, you may end up neglecting what is most important to you.

Lesson:

When your cup is full, stop pouring!

Exercise:

Evaluate your schedule, and ask yourself, “What is important to me?” Make time for what matters most to you, and then schedule the rest. If a relationship is important, then schedule quality time together. If it’s your health, then schedule regular exercise routines and plan a healthy meal schedule. When you focus on what is important to you, you will feel at peace with your life and how you spend your time.

Do not take on more than you can handle in a balanced way. Taking on too much creates stress and imbalance in the rest of your life. Practice saying “No” when necessary.

Become aware of what is important to you, then make time for your priorities. Let the rest of your life be balanced with other activities that you have agreed to, but never more than you can comfortably handle.

Seeds of Discontent

When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent. When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them. When we complain, we are planting seeds of misery in our minds and spreading those seeds to other people.

Complaining will amplify your fixation on negative circumstances. If you can change what you are wishing to change, then have the courage to do it. If you choose not to, then stop complaining. If it is something beyond your control, then the complaining serves only one purpose: to aggravate yourself and others around you.

Not only is complaining a waste of time and energy, but it is detrimental to peace of mind. Whenever you complain, you are planting weeds of misery instead of seeds of happiness. You are reinforcing negative thinking with every complaint you utter. Begin to notice how you feel irritated when you complain about things. This irritation is one of the root causes of stress in your life. Stress is caused when the mind refuses to accept what is. When we are constantly dwelling on things that are out of our control, we plant seeds of discontent and anger. The events in our life do not create stress; our thoughts about these events are the seeds of discontent.

Mom was right: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Become aware of how your words affect your emotions and those who hear them. It’s not just gossip that hurts; it is any complaint or negative comments about life in general. Become aware of the power of your words. Words are powerful. They can bring people together or drive them apart. Watch your words and those around you. Begin to see the power behind them. Practice being positive and you will not only feel better yourself, you will be a light to those around you.

Lesson:

Become aware that complaining is

 a seed of discontent and unhappiness.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of what you say. Your words are a mirror of your mind. See if you can notice how much you complain and how others will complain about the littlest things. Become aware of what type of conversations you have with people. Are most of your conversations positive and uplifting, or are they mostly complaining about people or life in general? Begin to notice how you feel when you complain about things. How do you feel when others are complaining? All that is required is for you to become aware of how complaining is contributing to your level of stress.

This is an awareness exercise. Raising your awareness is the first step to complaining less. Awareness is the key to getting your emotions under control. Don’t judge yourself. Be grateful that you are becoming aware of how stress originates and that you have the power to begin living peacefully.

Using Prayer to Release Resentment

"Pray for those who despitefully use you." ~Mathew 5:44

The advice given here is the key to releasing any resentment in your heart that you may be holding on to. When we become attached to our emotional pain, we resist letting go of it. When we repeat thoughts of resentment, anger, or hatred in our minds we are reinforcing our attachment to the pain by justifying it to ourselves.  This causes suffering. 

By praying for those who act in unawareness, we are not only helping them with our prayers, we are helping to heal our own hearts. Remember that people do the best they can with the knowledge, beliefs, and psychological state of mind that they have at the time.  There is no need to take offense from anyone.  What people do is never personal.  It is not about you.  There is no need to carry this pain and resentment any more. You are only hurting yourself.  

Pray for those who have hurt you. Stop justifying your resentment and you won't be attached to it. Prayer will heal your heart.

Be happy my friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon

The Joy of Service

“Many times when we take the focus off of ourselves and work to help others, our own problems shrink in size.” ~ Angie Hoover Lawson

Being of service to others is one of the most powerful techniques to raise your spirits. When we are helping others, it takes the focus off our own problems while building a sense of self-worth. It also arouses feelings of interconnection and love. Since love is the master from which all positive emotions spring forth, it will trump all negative emotions. If you feel awful and don’t know what else to do, after you pray for peace of mind, go help someone. You will feel like you make a difference. It will remind you that what you do matters. At the same time, it will refocus your attention away from your own personal problems. Serving others always allows us to build and strengthen our bonds of interconnection.

I remember the night I learned of my daughter’s death. I was emotionally stunned and just sat looking out the front window all night. As morning came, I noticed the man across the street come outside to pick up his garbage, which had been spread all over the place by some animals overnight. Without thought, I went outside and started helping him pick up the garbage. We didn’t speak, and he had no knowledge of what I was going through. When we were done, he said, “Thanks.” and went back inside. It was those three or four minutes, picking up garbage, that were the most peaceful moments of that day. Acting in service, even in one of my darkest moments, helped me feel at peace for a few minutes. So yes, service will not only help others, it will help yourself too.

Lesson:

Being of service to others is one of the most powerful techniques to raise your spirits.

Exercise:

Do you feel overwhelmed with your own problems? Or feel like you’re in a funk? Offer to help someone in need. Become aware of when people could use some help. There are so many opportunities to be of service. It can be as simple as giving someone a ride to the store or offering to do yard work for the old widow next door. Even just bringing someone a warm meal or a plate of cookies can make his or her whole day brighter. When we pay attention to the needs of others, we’re not only helping them, we are helping ourselves in the process. It opens our heart, which allows us to feel more love. An open heart is a healthier and happier heart.

Lift the spirits of two people. Give someone a helping hand today! If enough people make a habit of helping others, it will be a kinder world. It starts with you.

Releasing Anger

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you, and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”

~Will Smith

A fundamental step to being happy is learning to process negative emotions in a healthy way. When we are born, we freely express our emotions with passion, letting them completely flow. As children we process emotions with full force: we cry hard and laugh out loud. Then we move on with our day, not thinking about them. Children let their emotions flow with complete passion and then release them. They can be angry one minute and laughing the next. As we got older, we learned to suppress our emotions and/or express them in unhealthy ways. We also learned to dwell on the emotions in our thoughts, keeping them stuck inside our emotional bodies.

When we allow our thoughts to dwell in anger, discontent, or injustice, we are causing our own suffering. Anger, as all emotions, is a natural response to some situations. Feel the emotion, and then let it flow and let it go. We all did this when we were very young. We would get upset, cry, scream, and jump up and down, and then a few minutes later we would be onto something else without dwelling on the past emotion.

When people stay with the emotion by repetitively rehashing the situation in their minds, suffering occurs. Anger itself is the demon that wields the punishment. Oh, that we could instantly feel the burning nature of anger like the burn of a fire, we would avoid touching it again. There are many ways to extinguish this emotional fire. The one that works best for me is taking a few slow, deep breaths. This is instantly calming and allows your attention to move away from the angry thoughts. The fire of anger feeds on attention. Don’t feed it, and it won’t burn you.

Anger is never an excuse to act in harmful ways toward others. We all feel angry from time to time. With any negative emotion, it is best to let it flow to let it go. But that doesn’t mean you have to yell at someone or resort to violence. When you feel angry, acknowledge it, take a few slow, deep breaths, and then, if the feeling is still strong, choose an appropriate way to channel it: Walk, run, jump, scream (never at someone), take a shower, exercise, sing, or cry. Use whatever method works for you to discharge the emotion without spreading it to others.

Lesson:

Let emotions flow, then let them go.

Exercise:

Begin processing your negative emotions in healthy ways. Practice using different techniques to calm yourself and to release the emotional energy. Discover what methods work best for you. Be aware of your responsibility to keep your negative emotions from attacking others either verbally or physically.

The Butterfly (1 Minute Story)

artworks-and-beads.blogspot.com

Grandmother sees her little granddaughter crying by the lake.  She says, "Why are you crying, little one?"  The little child cries, "My butterfly flew away.  I loved him so much!  I caught him in this jar, but somehow he got free."  Grandmother took the child in her arms and gave her a big hug. They embraced a minute, and then the child let go.  "How would it be if I hugged you and never let you go?"  "That's silly, Grandma!  I would be stuck to you and wouldn't be able to do anything else."  "That's right, little one.  When we cling to people and things it keeps us stuck.  When we release them, allowing them to fly as they will, it sets US free! From now on, when you see a butterfly, be reminded of this lesson:  Avoid being too attached to things and too clingly to people.  Keep your freedom, my child, and instead of crying, you will be flying!"

When we become too attached to things, it causes suffering when they are gone.  When we can come to an awareness that our attachment is the root of our suffering, we release ourselves.  This is not always easy to do, when the thing lost is an expensive object or a sentimental keepsake.  Enjoy what you have while you have it, and then release it when it's time has come to leave your life.  With the release of the attachment, it frees you.  Let us look at an example.  In 1984, I had made my black belt in Kenpo karate. I prized this achievement and had kept my black belt for many years, with the intention that I would have it forever.  Well, as most things are in life, our time together was limited.  I lost it in a move, never really knowing where it went.  At first this caused me some sadness and self judgement for not having been more careful.  But then I realized, it was releasing me from a past part of my life that had been long over, and was essentially useless, since I never will train again due to physical issues.  As a matter of fact, its presence in my life actually mad me feel a bit sad every time I looked at it, reminding me of what I had lost physically.  So by the mysterious departure of the black belt, I was free of all of it.  It felt good.  I was able to move forward emotionally.

Ask yourself:

• Have been holding onto something that causes you to feel trapped in the past.  
• Is there something you are attached to so much that you won't be able to let it go when the time comes?
• Are you too clingy to the people you love?  Hug them often, but let them go too.
• Is there something you have lost that still causes you to suffer?  It is time to move forward.  Things fall away to allow us to move forward.

Laura Barrette Shannon

Holiday Happiness Recipe

Holiday Happiness Recipe

Ingredients:  Spirit, Family, Friends, Presence

The key to making Happy Holidays is to remember the meaning behind the Holidays is based in spiritual traditions.  The purpose of all the Holidays this season is to honor and celebrate Spirit.  If we look at the word Holiday it is a combination of Holy and day, thus a Holiday is a Holy day by definition.  So the main ingredient in our recipe for happy Holidays is to remember why we are celebrating in the first place. Take time to ponder the spiritual significance of your faith as you perform the various rituals of the Holy day.  In addition to any customary practices of the Holiday, you may wish to incorporate some personal reflection time, where you can relax as well as renew your spirit.  Try this simple fire meditation:

Light the Fire Within:

Oh, Lord, we honor thee, With fire burning bright Reflecting the warm delight In our hearts tonight.

Tonight, light a candle or sit by an open fire, and take a few minutes to connect with Spirit. Concentrate on the flickering of the flames, as you gently release the outside world.  Breath deeply and slowly, allowing all thoughts to flow by without attachment.  Relax into the light.  Feel the love of Spirit in the warmth.  Relax and rejuvenate your soul. ♥ ♥ ♥

The next ingredient in our Happy Holidays is to mix together family, friends, and presence.  Of all the holidays past, what I remember most is the warmth and love I felt at the many family feasts and friendly gatherings. I remember not the physical presents, but the physical presence of those I loved and those who loved me.  It is not the temporary toy or gift certificate that you will recall many years later.  You will remember the love, the acceptance, the laughter, and the joy of being together.  Give the gift of presence and you give the gift of loving memories for a lifetime.

My friends, make the Holidays Happy,  

many blessings~

Laura

How Compassionate Are You?

Do you have compassion? Compassion is when we open our hearts to empathize and extend love to others. It may be easy to have compassion on those who you see as suffering from life events or forces outside of themselves, but can you offer compassion for those who are victims of their own poor choices. Can you have compassion for the homeless crack addict as well as the baby born with health issues? Can you come to a place of compassion for those who are stuck in unawareness, suffering in a living hell of their own doing? If you can have compassion on all who suffer, regardless of the cause of suffering, then this is unconditional compassion.

Unconditional compassion is non judgmental. It comes from a fully open heart. The more open your heart is, the more love you will be able to give and the more love you will be able to feel. A heart with conditional compassion is limited in its ability to fully feel love. The heart becomes blocked. The blockages in a heart are a result of the ego mind pushing for separation from others and spirit. The ego has to justify its existence through thoughts of self righteousness and a “I'm better than you” attitude. These type of trains of thought lead to justification of conditional compassion, which in turn limits our expression of love.

Practice feeling compassion towards those you normally judge as “losers”. The reality is they are suffering because they have lost themselves. Thoughts of judgment only serve to irritate us and reinforce feelings of being better than others. Praying for those who suffer will not only help them, it will enhance your own feelings of serenity and begin to clear away any blockages in your heart. An open heart is able to freely express love to others and feel the immense joy of receiving love.

Lesson:

Practicing unconditional compassion opens your heart, which enables you to fully express and feel love.

Exercise:

Become aware of any instances where you are reluctant to feel compassion for someone who is suffering, regardless of the cause of the suffering. When you find yourself resisting real compassion, say a prayer for them. Pray that their suffering will soon be over. Pray for your heart to open wider and to have compassion on all beings.

Beware of the Green Eyed Monster

Jealous trains of thought lead directly to discontent, hatred, and insecurity.  When we allow ourselves to indulge in these type of thoughts we are weakening our sense of self worth.  There will always be someone better off than you are in good fortune, financial status, physical appearance, intelligence, or some other trait that you wish you had.  This recognition of the fact that people are different, that everyone has their own set of strong points will cause jealousy or envy if you don't balance the recognition that everyone also has their challenges, weaknesses, and personal demons too.  The next time you find yourself wishing you were someone else, or could experience their most desirable trait, remind yourself that no one is perfect.  The grass isn't greener in their life, unless you are overlooking their weeds.  

A healthier way to think about the traits we desire in others is to make a point to work on those traits ourselves, to let them be an inspiration for personal growth.  Let your envy turn into admiration.  

Be happy, my Friends,

Laura barrette Shannon

Everyone Has Their Own Garden (Weeding 101)

So far we’ve learned that life is like a flower garden, and we are the one’s who plant the seeds.  We either unconsciously let the garden get overrun with weeds of dissatisfaction or we can consciously take control of our garden, planting beautiful flowers of happiness.  We’ve practiced changing the way we respond to life and gained awareness of how our thoughts and attention can be used as a tool for creating a life of joy and peace.

The next step involves exploring the concept that everyone has their own separate flower garden.  Each garden is as personal as the person who tends it.  Not everyone’s garden will be a floral work of art.  As a matter of fact, most people’s gardens are filled with weeds of unhappiness, choking the life out of a few happy moments in their life..

One of the most challenging aspects of owning a garden is keeping out the weeds.  When people who have neglected their garden interact with others, they spread their weeds.  This is not intentional.  This is never personal.  They are not trying to ruin your happy state of being.  They aren’t even aware that they have a garden, or that they should pay attention to it.  They believe that life is filled with unhappy events, that some days are good and some days are bad, and that they have no control over any of it.  They have learned to focus on the unhappy events and to share them repeatedly throughout the day.    

You can’t change people. Their weeds have been building up over a lifetime and actually the only one who is capable of weeding is the one who owns the garden.  Even though you can’t change people you can change how you respond to them.  When someone is taking their frustrations out on you, Instead of re-acting, being upset yourself, you can choose to act with awareness.  Your response may be to just ignore the comment, it might be to respond in a positive way, or it might be just telling them you don’t want to hear about it.  Take a moment to have compassion on them, because they are filled with unhappiness in that moment.  See them for what they are;  unhappy people just letting off steam.  It’s never personal.

When people say negative things to you, you can make sure they don’t take root in your garden.  To do this you have to realize that what people say and do are a result of their own state mind at the time.  It actually doesn’t have anything to do with you.  It’s never personal.  When people complain about life  they are just expressing their unhappy thoughts that have built up. The unhappy thoughts germinate into unhappy moods. All the negative thoughts create negative energy that  needs to be discharged.    If we realize that what they are saying isn’t personal, it is just a result of a garden filled with unhappy weeds, then you will see that what they say has nothing to do with you.  It is no more personal than if your neighbor's dandelion seeds spread onto your lawn at home.

It is very important not to let those weeds germinate in your garden. You won’t be able to keep the weeds from spreading to your garden if you allow them to take seed.  The first step is to be aware when the weeds are blowing your way.  Once you notice them, you will be able to change the flow of the wind so that they just fly past your garden.

So what are these weeds that people blow our way every day?  It’s all the negative things people say to you.  It’s listening to their complaints. It’s when your spouse snaps at you because he can’t find his keys.  It’s your boss yelling at you because she’s in a bad mood.  It’s the guy who just cut you off in traffic and then beeped at you like it was your fault.  It’s your Mom when she comes home in a bad mood and starts in on you because your homework isn’t done.  It’s all the negatively charged emotions that are verbalized at you all day.

Lesson:

Everyone has their own garden, some are full of the weeds of stress and unhappiness.  Don’t let other people’s weeds take root in your garden!

Exercise:

This week bring your attention to your interactions with people.  If they try to spread their unhappiness with you, respond with awareness instead of re-act. Take a breathe, and bring your full attention on remaining calm. When you see the weeds blowing your way, see them for what they are.  Remind yourself that it isn’t personal.  They are just expressing their unhappiness.  Keep your focus on having compassion for them, because they are suffering from their own bad mood.  Let those weeds fly right by your beautiful flower garden, and go about your day as if it never happened.

If you find yourself becoming upset, and repeating the negative interaction over and over in your mind, then the weed has taken root.  It’s not too late.  When you notice that your mind is dwelling on negative thoughts, the sooner you stop it the easier it will be to uproot.  Gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Take a deep breath and pay attention to where you are now, what you are doing now. Bring your full attention to whatever you are doing in the moment. Each time the negative train of thought comes to mind, don't pay attention to it. Let it flow right through. Do not jump on any train of thought that will bring you to an unhappy destination. The more you practice this, the easier it will be to let the thoughts flow with out getting your attention hooked. Again, don't judge your efforts. It took a lifetime to build the habit of jumping on every train of thought without question. It will take some time to break the habit. Every tiny bit of awareness that you bring to this endeavor will pay off.

Complaints Are Seeds of Misery

Life is a flower garden

your thoughts are the seeds.

You'll reap what you sow,

plant flowers not weeds.

Accept what is- 

allow life to flow!

Speak only delight

Where ever you go!

Speak no evil. When we speak ill, gossip, and pass judgment on others we only hurt ourselves. It demonstrates a lack of compassion, intolerance, and pettiness which diminishes our character.

"Be impeccable with your word."~ don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

When we cultivate acceptance, it will begin to strangle the weeds of discontent. When we can begin to accept that certain things in life are beyond our control, then we can understand the uselessness of complaining about them.   When we complain, we are planting seeds of misery in our minds, and spreading those seeds to other people.  Complaining will amplify your fixation on a negative circumstance.  If you can change what it is you are wishing were different, then have the courage to do it.  If you choose not to, then stop complaining.  If it's something beyond your control, then the complaining serves only one purpose- to aggravate yourself and others around you.  

Not only is complaining a waste of time and energy, it’s detrimental to peace of mind.  Whenever you complain, you are planting weeds instead of seeds.  You are reinforcing negative thinking with every complaint you utter.  Begin to notice how you feel irritated when you complain about things.  This irritation is the root cause of stress in your life. Stress is caused when the mind refuses to accept what is.  When we are constantly dwelling on things that are out of our control, we plant seeds of discontent and anger.   The events in our life do not create our stress, our thoughts about these events are the seeds of discontent.

Mom was right, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."

Become aware of how your words affect your emotions and those who hear them. It's not just gossip that hurts, it's any complaint or negative comments about life in general. Become aware of the power of your words. Words can hurt or words can heal.

Lesson:

Complaining is a seed of discontent.

Exercise:

Begin to be aware of what you say.  Your words are a mirror of your mind.  See if you can notice how much you complain, and how others will complain about the littlest things.  Become aware of what type of conversations you have with people.  Are most of your conversations positive and uplifting or are they mostly complaining about people or life in general?  Begin to notice how you feel when you complain about things. How do you feel when others are complaining? All that is required is to become aware of how complaining is contributing to your level of stress. This is an awareness exercise. Raising your awareness is the first step to complaining less. Awareness is the key to getting your emotions under control. Don't judge yourself. Be grateful that you are becoming aware of how stress originates and that you have the power to begin living peacefully. The next few chapters will teach you how to begin focusing on the positive aspects of life.

Are You Lonely?

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ARE YOU LONELY? You can be in a crowded room or in multiple close relationships and still feel lonely. Don't confuse being alone with being lonely. It is when we have learned to be our own best friend that we banish thoughts of loneliness. Recognize loneliness as a reminder that we have to reclaim our innate wholeness, not to look for completion in another. No one can complete you, or take away your feelings of loneliness. The void you may feel in your heart is because you haven't embraced your own perfection. When you embrace all that you are, loving yourself with all of your heart, it is an act of personal healing and a step toward feeling whole.
Begin to take steps to reclaim yourself. It takes time and effort, as it did to lose yourself in the first place. It starts with self awareness, getting to really know who you are and what might be being suppressed within yourself. Everyone's journey of self awareness is as individual as they are. For me, daily affirmations helped remind me of my innate self worth. Also, being true to myself and following my dreams helped. Redrawing boundaries with others or eliminating some unhealthy relationships was also a part of it. Basically, it is embracing who you are, and gaining the feeling of self worth and self love. In reality, it is as easy or as challenging as you believe it to be. Set the intent to reclaim your wholeness, and then do the work to find yourself. Self awareness is the key.
 Reclaim your wholeness and never be lonely again!

~Laura Barrette Shannon
Be Happy, my Friends! :)

Forgiveness Is a One Person Act

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewis Smedes

Who do you need to forgive in order to release yourself from the prison of repetitive emotional pain? How long will you hold onto this pain, like a deluded victim clinging to the knife that stabs them, pretending that you aren't the one holding the knife? Forgiving is a one person act. It never has anything to do with the person we hold resentment or anger toward. It has to do with the attachment to the anger and resentment within ourselves. Release the desire to justify holding onto the emotional pain and it loses its attraction. Then you can see it for what it is, a destructive train of thought. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. It is not condoning whatever actions or words hurt you. It is making a decision not to let the event keep hurting you over and over. It is an act of self healing. By releasing the thoughts of resentment and anger we release our attachment to suffering.

Some people think that you shouldn't forgive someone unless they deserve to be forgiven.  This is not being fair to yourself. You are the one who deserves to be free of this heavy weight.  If you think you need to wait until the other person apologizes or somehow repents, you have given them the power over your suffering. Don't let others control your emotions. You are responsible for how you respond to people and events in life. You are the only one who can end this suffering. You are not doing them a favor by forgiving, you are releasing yourself from the bondage they hold over you. The act of forgiveness releases you from the repetitive thoughts of being a victim.  You may have been a victim once, but until you forgive and let those thoughts of resentment go, you will be a victim of this emotional suffering again and again. 

Once you forgive a person, it does not mean that you should allow the same situation to repeat itself.  Just because you have forgiven something does not mean it is okay to allow it to happen again. Be forgiving in nature but be wise in your decisions to interact with others by not playing a fool.  Forgiving doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship should return to what it was. Sometime it will be even better, sometimes it will change as new boundaries are set, and sometimes it completely ends. No matter how the relationship changes, the important part is that you aren't suffering with anger and resentment anymore.

The act of forgiveness may take time, so be gentle with yourself as you move toward freeing yourself from this dark prison.

Laura Barrette Shannon

To Each His Own

A young man in search of wisdom asked, "Please tell me, Grandmother, how can I attain wisdom such as yours,? Which path can I take to follow you?" The wise old Grandmother replied, "Dear child, you can journey to where I am, but you can not follow me. The path to wisdom is a personal journey. There are many different roads to take, and no two are ever the same. You will find many guides and signs leading you along the path to wisdom, but only you can make the choices at each fork in the road.” “But, Grandmother, how will I know which way to go when I reach a fork in the road?” “Dear child, do not fret over which road to choose, all paths eventually lead to the same place. Some may look easier and faster if you are following in someone else's path, but it is when you make your own way, following your own path that you will not only find your way, but you'll have found yourself in the process.”

Resist the urge to think that your way or your path is the right way or only way. Allow others to travel their life journey according to their own heart. By respecting the beliefs and choices of others we have no need to defend our own. It demostrates that we acknowledge that everyone has their own path to forge, including ourselves. When we try to control other people we are taking their personal power away.

Allowing others to walk their own path does not mean we have indulge people caught up in victim mentality. Those are the people who seem to be looking for advice, but actually just want to draw you into their drama. They are looking for sympathy not solutions. Years ago, I used to give advice to others, and when they didn't follow my direction it would cause me to feel frustrated. I was attached to the outcome of how I thought they should act. If we can get to a place where we can offer guidance without attachment, have compassion for those who are still struggling to find themselves, and a let go and let God attitude, then we release ourselves from stressing over other people's lives.

When we constantly seek guidance and approval of our choices we give our personal power away. Seek wise advice as necessary, but always make the choice according to your own heart. Decide if what you are choosing is aligned with who you are. Is it aligned with your values and dreams of the future? Is the choice made out of love or out of fear? These questions will help you evaluate your life decisions. In the end, there really is no wrong choice made with awareness and love. You may decide that after a time you want to make a new choice in another direction. That is fine too, because all paths are tools for self introspection and offer lessons in life. Never regret anything you've done if you have learned an important lesson through the experience. Forgive yourself for being human. We all make choices that in hindsight we would do differently. Yet, we all do the best we can with the level of awareness we have at the time. If you are tolerant of your “mistakes” then you'll be tolerant when others make the same “mistakes.”

Lesson:

Life is a personal journey of self discovery. Allow others to have a chance to find themselves in their own way.

Exercise:

Does it upset you when people close to you don't follow your advice? Practice bringing awareness into the situation. Release your need to control their life choices because you know what is best for them. What is best for them is to figure out what is best for themselves by learning to follow their authentic self. Practice guidance without expectation. Be supportive of your loved ones even when they make choices that are different from what you would do.  

Be happy,my Friends-

Laura Barrette Shannon