So far we’ve learned that life is
like a flower garden, and we are the one’s who plant the
seeds. We either unconsciously let the garden get overrun with
weeds of dissatisfaction or we can consciously take control of our
garden, planting beautiful flowers of happiness. We’ve
practiced changing the way we respond to life and gained awareness of
how our thoughts and attention can be used as a tool for creating a
life of joy and peace.
The next step involves exploring the
concept that everyone has their own separate flower garden. Each
garden is as personal as the person who tends it. Not
everyone’s garden will be a floral work of art. As a matter
of fact, most people’s gardens are filled with weeds of
unhappiness, choking the life out of a few happy moments in their
life..
One of the most challenging aspects of
owning a garden is keeping out the weeds. When people who have
neglected their garden interact with others, they spread their weeds.
This is not intentional. This is never personal. They
are not trying to ruin your happy state of being. They aren’t
even aware that they have a garden, or that they should pay attention
to it. They believe that life is filled with unhappy events,
that some days are good and some days are bad, and that they have no
control over any of it. They have learned to focus on the
unhappy events and to share them repeatedly throughout the day.
You can’t change people. Their weeds
have been building up over a lifetime and actually the only one who
is capable of weeding is the one who owns the garden. Even
though you can’t change people you can change how you respond to
them. When someone is taking their frustrations out on you,
Instead of re-acting, being upset yourself, you can choose to act
with awareness. Your response may be to just ignore the
comment, it might be to respond in a positive way, or it might be
just telling them you don’t want to hear about it. Take a
moment to have compassion on them, because they are filled with
unhappiness in that moment. See them for what they are;
unhappy people just letting off steam. It’s never
personal.
When people say negative things to you,
you can make sure they don’t take root in your garden. To do
this you have to realize that what people say and do are a result of
their own state mind at the time. It actually doesn’t have
anything to do with you. It’s never personal. When
people complain about life they are just expressing their
unhappy thoughts that have built up. The unhappy thoughts germinate
into unhappy moods. All the negative thoughts create negative energy
that needs to be discharged. If we realize that
what they are saying isn’t personal, it is just a result of a
garden filled with unhappy weeds, then you will see that what they
say has nothing to do with you. It is no more personal than if
your neighbor's dandelion seeds spread onto your lawn at home.
It is very important not to let those
weeds germinate in your garden. You won’t be able to keep the weeds
from spreading to your garden if you allow them to take seed. The
first step is to be aware when the weeds are blowing your way. Once
you notice them, you will be able to change the flow of the wind so
that they just fly past your garden.
So what are these weeds that people
blow our way every day? It’s all the negative things people
say to you. It’s listening to their complaints. It’s when
your spouse snaps at you because he can’t find his keys. It’s
your boss yelling at you because she’s in a bad mood. It’s
the guy who just cut you off in traffic and then beeped at you like
it was your fault. It’s your Mom when she comes home in a bad
mood and starts in on you because your homework isn’t done. It’s
all the negatively charged emotions that are verbalized at you all
day.
Lesson:
Everyone has their own garden, some are
full of the weeds of stress and unhappiness. Don’t let other
people’s weeds take root in your garden!
Exercise:
This week bring your attention to your
interactions with people. If they try to spread their
unhappiness with you, respond with awareness instead of re-act. Take
a breathe, and bring your full attention on remaining calm. When you
see the weeds blowing your way, see them for what they are. Remind
yourself that it isn’t personal. They are just expressing
their unhappiness. Keep your focus on having compassion for
them, because they are suffering from their own bad mood. Let
those weeds fly right by your beautiful flower garden, and go
about your day as if it never happened.
If you find yourself becoming upset,
and repeating the negative interaction over and over in your mind,
then the weed has taken root. It’s not too late. When
you notice that your mind is dwelling on negative thoughts, the
sooner you stop it the easier it will be to uproot. Gently
bring your attention back to the present moment. Take a deep breath
and pay attention to where you are now, what you are doing now.
Bring your full attention to whatever you are doing in the moment.
Each time the negative train of thought comes to mind, don't pay
attention to it. Let it flow right through. Do not jump on any
train of thought that will bring you to an unhappy destination. The
more you practice this, the easier it will be to let the thoughts
flow with out getting your attention hooked. Again, don't judge your
efforts. It took a lifetime to build the habit of jumping on every
train of thought without question. It will take some time to break
the habit. Every tiny bit of awareness that you bring to this
endeavor will pay off.
